Finding a lover is effortless
for some people.
They only want a few things:
Someone attractive, kind,
funny or rich.

But
I desire
something so much deeper.

I want

an intelligent mind
that wakes up thoughts in me
I didn't realize were hibernating.

I want

to converse, analyze and debate
without being conscious of
the sun rising and falling
between our words.

I want

to make a witty remark
at a coffee shop
so he can reply sarcastically
just for me to jab back immediately
and for him to comeback back playfully
until we're both laughing
stomachs shaking
spit flying
the whole store staring
and we leave
without coffee

I want

our hands to stitch together
perfectly
like two lost puzzle pieces;
one found under a couch cushion
one found inside a junk drawer.
The rest of the puzzle has
already been thrown away
but
these two pieces remain
and they fit.

I want

to fall in love together
then together fall in love with
art, museums, songs, poems
T.V shows, radio jingles,
greek food, backroads,
our mutual hatred for pop culture,
doing the dishes (as long as he washes and I dry)
wrong turns, piled up laundry, life.
Just fall in love with life.

I want

to hurt with him

I want

to save the world with him

I want

to meet, see, understand
and experience all that is foreign
with him.

I think it will only take us meeting
and it'll only be history and happiness from then on.

It's just a matter of if a love like that could ever be
and if a love like that could ever be for me.

they always said writing would help
and it does
but i'm not talking to you
i'm facing a piece of paper
which starts me off somewhere...
so dear dad,
how have you been?
still sober?
still raising her children?
still blaming all of your life's misfortunes on me?
how am i doing?
i'm doing alright
i get sad at night
when i'm alone
and i think of all the things you've said
and then everything is piled up in my head and i can't hear anything but your voice
your coy, manipulative, voice
if only you would have known how wrong you were
when you said i'd never make it in the real world
or find somebody to love me
or be happy
you see, i listen to the songs we used to listen to in the car while i drive
but at least i'm driving
and when i lay in my girlfriend's arms i get scared of how vulnerable i'm being
but at least i don't have a wall up
and i still hurt myself in more ways than one
but at least it's not as bad as it was
and i still see your face when i look in the mirror
but at least i have individuality and i'm molding myself to be better than you
and i still think about the night that i was assaulted in your home, and i know you heard me scream "NO, NO, NO"
but at least i still have respect for myself
and i still ponder on the thought of ending my life whenever i remember you handing me your pocket knife
but at least i'm still alive
and i still think about when you said i'd never have friends and i'd be all alone once i was dead
but at least i make a social effort
while you don't speak to your children
and granted i don't make an effort to speak to you
but it's because you are wrong
in every thing you say
and in every thing you do
you are wrong
in the way that you laid your hands on me
or in the way that you watched as so many others did
you are wrong
in that i am alone
because i am not
you are wrong
in that i'll never find happiness
because for once in my miserable life i realize when the sun is shining and the birds are chirping
you are wrong
when you say that i'm going to hell for loving
because right now i feel like i'm in heaven
you are wrong
when you say that no one will ever love me like you
because i now know that a father doesn't treat me like you
but at least...
i know you are wrong
and that is all of the gratification that i need to be done with you and this letter
so i sign this saying, you are wrong, but at least... i am strong.
- Maxine

my heart is ice cold and for once it's melting when i look into the soul of another rather than cracking from all of the pressure.
i look into her eyes and i see infinity.
i see her devotion.
i see- well i see as much as she allows.
and that's quite alright.
for i am only here for as long as she allows it.
and i used to write of love not knowing what i was talking about, and now i wrote of love still not knowing what i'm talking about but i'm a little lighter in my loafers.
and she makes me happy.
i thought my heart was shattered into oblivion but now it's got a bandaid on it...
with the letters: H. E. R. S.

You only seem to care when you're drunk or otherwise impaired
but maybe you're just scared of commitment.

These promises you make when we're barely awake always seem to fade by daybreak and I can't take this anymore.

If you play with my emotions always bringing me up and then down and I never know if you'll be found with some other girl,
then maybe I'm not the one you should run to when you want to have some fun at a party.

I am enough for you and if you can't understand then maybe you don't deserve to hold my hand and tell me that I'm beautiful.

These words I say to make you pay are not enough because words need actions but you never act
instead you live your life of lies never caring who you disguise yourself as or who you make cry.

You only seem to care when you're drunk or otherwise impaired
but maybe you're just scared of commitment.

Playing the waiting game
Each one dancing around the other
Uncertainty building like a storm cloud with each passing
Second
Minute
Moment
Is this real?
Was this whole thing a child's game
Cat and mouse?
Crickets sing their song to the moon
Cars pass
The empty parking lot bathes in street lamp glow
What happens now?