“I know you're tired but come, this is the way...

In your light, I learn how to love.
In your beauty, how to make poems.
You dance inside my chest where no-one sees you,
but sometimes I do, and that sight becomes this art.”*        ― Rumi


1.
“You and I have spoken all these words, but for the way we have to go, words are no preparation. I have one small drop of knowing in my soul.
Let it dissolve in your ocean.

A mountain keeps an echo deep inside. That's how I hold your voice.”
― Rumi


2.
“Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you.
Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion.

Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames.”   ― Rumi


3.
“The way of love is not
a subtle argument.

The door there
is devastation.

Birds make great sky-circles
of their freedom.
How do they learn it?

They fall, and falling,
they're given wings.”                          ― Rumi


4.
“The morning wind spreads its fresh smell. We must get up and take that in, that wind that lets us live. Breathe before it's gone.

Sorrow prepares you for joy.
It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow.
Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their
place.”                                     ― Rumi


5.
“You are so weak. Give up to grace.
The ocean takes care of each wave till it gets to shore.
You need more help than you know.

Be a lamp, or a lifeboat, or a ladder. Help someone's soul heal.
Walk out of your house like a shepherd.”
― Rumi, The Essential Rumi


6.
“You think you are alive
because you breathe air?
Shame on you,
that you are alive in such a limited way.
Don't be without Love,
so you won't feel dead.
Die in Love
and stay alive forever.

I want to see you.
Know your voice.

Recognise you when you
first come 'round the corner.

Sense your scent when I come
into a room you've just left.

Know the lift of your heel,
the glide of your foot.

Become familiar with the way
you purse your lips
then let them part,
just the slightest bit,
when I lean in to your space
and kiss you.

I want to know the joy
of how you whisper
“more”...                                                       ­     ― Rumi


7.
“When you go through a hard period,
When everything seems to oppose you,
... When you feel you cannot even bear one more minute,
NEVER GIVE UP!
Because it is the time and place that the course will divert!

The cure for pain is in the pain.
In Silence, there is eloquence. Stop weaving and see how the pattern improves.

The truth was a mirror in the hands of God. It fell, and broke into pieces. Everybody took a piece of it, and they looked at it and thought they had the truth.”                                       ― Rumi


8.
“Study me as much as you like, you will not know me, for I differ in a hundred ways from what you see me to be. Put yourself behind my eyes and see me as I see myself, for I have chosen to dwell in a place you cannot see.

Moonlight floods the whole sky from horizon to horizon;
How much it can fill your room depends on its windows.”
― Rumi, The Essential Rumi


9.
“Keep walking, though there's no place to get to.
Don't try to see through the distances.
That's not for human beings. Move within,
But don't move the way fear makes you move.

If you are irritated by every rub, how will your mirror be polished?

Start a huge, foolish project, like Noah…it makes absolutely no difference what people think of you.”   ― Rumi


10.
“Do you know what you are?
You are a manuscript oƒ a divine letter.
You are a mirror reflecting a noble face.
This universe is not outside of you.
Look inside yourself;
everything that you want,
you are already that.”
― Rumi, Hush, Don't Say Anything to God: Passionate Poems of Rumi



11.
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and rightdoing, there is a field.
I'll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass
the world is too full to talk about.

What you seek, is seeking you.”                             ― Rumi


12.
“The lion is most handsome when looking for food.

Pain is a treasure, for it contains mercies.
Love comes with a knife, not some shy question, and not with fears for its reputation!

I am your moon and your moonlight too
I am your flower garden and your water too
I have come all this way, eager for you
Without shoes or shawl
I want you to laugh
To **** all your worries
To love you
To nourish you.”                                          ― Rumi


13.
“I was dead, then alive.
Weeping, then laughing.

The power of love came into me,
and I became fierce like a lion,
then tender like the evening star.”                        ― Rumi


14.
“Suffering is a gift. In it is hidden mercy.

Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving.
It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair.. come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.

But listen to me. For one moment - quit being sad. Hear blessings
dropping their blossoms
around you.

I closed my mouth and spoke to you in a hundred silent ways.”
― Rumi


15.
“The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don't go back to sleep!
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep!
People are going back and forth
across the doorsill where the two worlds touch,
The door is round and open
Don't go back to sleep!

These pains you feel are messengers. Listen to them.”
― Rumi, The Essential Rumi



16.
“Like a sculptor, if necessary,
carve a friend out of stone.
Realise that your inner sight is blind
and try to see a treasure in everyone.”                    ― Rumi


17.
“Let the lover be disgraceful, crazy, absent-minded. Someone sober will worry about things going badly. Let the lover be.

There are lovers content with longing.
I’m not one of them.”    ― Rumi, The Essential Rumi


18.
“There is a secret medicine given only to those who hurt so hard they can't hope.
The hopers would feel slighted if they knew.

You were born with potential.
You were born with goodness and trust. You were born with ideals and dreams. You were born with greatness.
You were born with wings.
You are not meant for crawling, so don't.
You have wings.
Learn to use them and fly.”          ― Rumi


19.
“Forget safety.
Live where you fear to live.
Destroy your reputation.
Be notorious.

Inside you, there’s an artist you don’t know about… say yes quickly, if you know, if you’ve known it from before the beginning of the universe.”
― Rumi


20.
“Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.”     ― Rumi





"On a day
when the wind is perfect,
the sail just needs to open and the world is full of beauty.
Today is such a day.”                                               ― Rumi






S T – 25 feb 14

The cultural filters are all in place
And truth, some say, is past its sell-by date
Weak hymns embalmed by hippies, and lost in space
Where time is always 1968

A poison-green tattoo on a fleshy back
No incense, but the Purell’s pretty strong
A ten-year-old gobbles his comfort snack
During Communion and a three-chord song

Our bishops quack and honk in flocks and herds -
We need a starets
                                           but all we get are words:


Intensify the Dallas Charter accountability focus accountability exclusively accountability collegial collective accountability responsibility address theme encounter dialectic collegiality variety universality unity flock dealing topic difficult reasons unexplored differences crisis difficult for bishops enable abusers gravely irreparably failures governance responsibility question engage conversation point brother problematic behavior cultivate culture correctio fraterna enables offending other recognize criticism opportunity to tasks related willingness personally mistakes to each other feeling maintain fraternal relationship cases we damaging weakness anecdotal parenthesis to his speech encounters course ministry recollection forgive counseling for healing discussing matter rationally headway realized psyche of the person measure semblance justice inability forgive his  apparently perplexing consternating remarked noting changed personality of person realize humility mistakes learn mistakes better question unanswered unaddressed mistakes allowed consequences mishandling cases gathering conferences participants and journalists effective concrete measures combat scourge scandal technical theological sense term list reflection points adjunct secretary special portfolio combatting meeting chief architects roadmap for our discussion very, very concrete understatement seriously utter understatement things discussed follow-up meeting continued model of reform the so-called intensify the Dallas Charter metropolitan model metropolitan investigating disciplining wayward ecclesiastical provinces briefing responded you have to read the footnote disgrace investigations systemic coverup dismissed briefing expressed hope report position power prominence leadership structure report findings influence broader jurisdictions Accountability focus accountability exclusively accountability collegial collective accountability responsibility address theme encounter dialectic collegiality variety universality unity flock dealing topic difficult reasons unexplored differences crisis difficult for bishops enable abusers gravely irreparably failures governance responsibility question engage conversation point brother problematic behavior cultivate culture correctio fraterna enables offending other recognize criticism opportunity to tasks related willingness personally mistakes to each other feeling maintain fraternal relationship cases we damaging weakness anecdotal parenthesis to his speech encounters course ministry recollection forgive counseling for healing discussing matter rationally headway realized psyche of the person measure semblance justice inability forgive his  apparently perplexing consternating remarked noting changed personality of person realize humility mistakes learn mistakes better question unanswered unaddressed mistakes allowed consequences mishandling cases gathering conferences participants and journalists effective concrete measures combat scourge scandal technical theological sense term list reflection points adjunct secretary special portfolio combatting meeting chief architects roadmap for our discussion very, very concrete understatement seriously utter understatement things discussed follow-up meeting continued model of reform the so-called Metropolitan model metropolitan investigating disciplining wayward ecclesiastical provinces briefing responded you have to read the footnote disgrace investigations systemic coverup dismissed briefing expressed hope report position power prominence leadership structure report findings influence broader jurisdictions accountable faithful promises episodes  accountability supportive talking collegiality obligation misbehavior failures circumstances reputation representative discreet inquiries interview expression concern geographically confronted reported matter subject investigating disciplining malfeasance proposal wrongdoing explained carefully considered matter alternatives remarks paragraph  rehearsed alternatives footnote 6 of text speeches delivered sessions briefing spoke involvement laity lay involvement transparency transparent offending other recognize criticism opportunity to tasks related willingness personally mistakes to each other feeling maintain fraternal relationship cases we damaging weakness anecdotal parenthesis to his speech encounters course ministry recollection forgive counseling for healing discussing matter rationally headway realized psyche of the person measure semblance justice inability forgive his  apparently perplexing consternating remarked noting changed personality of person realize humility mistakes learn mistakes better question unanswered unaddressed mistakes allowed consequences mishandling cases gathering conferences participants and journalists effective concrete measures combat scourge scandal technical theological sense term list reflection points adjunct secretary special portfolio combatting meeting chief architects roadmap for our discussion very, very concrete understatement seriously utter understatement things discussed follow-up meeting continued model of reform the so-called Metropolitan model metropolitan investigating disciplining wayward ecclesiastical provinces briefing responded you have to read the footnote disgrace investigations systemic coverup dismissed briefing expressed hope report position power prominence leadership structure report findings influence broader jurisdictions accountable faithful promises episodes  accountability supportive talking collegiality obligation misbehavior failures circumstances reputation representative discreet inquiries interview expression concern geographically confronted reported matter subject investigating disciplining malfeasance proposal wrongdoing explained carefully considered matter alternatives remarks paragraph  rehearsed alternatives footnote 6 of text speeches delivered sessions briefing spoke involvement laity lay involvement transparency transparent intensify the Dallas Charter…

Mother always called me the devil child
She said I was  loud, destructive and wild

Parents told sister I was bad and she didn't ever have to play with me
Much time alone was no fun, however for some friends I did make a plea

I'd beg for my mothers attention, she'd run off to her room crying,
Yelled for my dad to come get me, because to her I was very trying

I heard my mother double dog dare my father to hit me
Mother would refer to me as a **** in front of the family

When I was very young mother once said “I will ****** you in cold blood”
Today mother said “you’re crazy, I’d never say that to a child, you are crud”

Nothing I did would ever please my mother
Gifts I bought her were tossed in the gutter

All my cousins were smart, while I was failing all my classes in school
Got into many fights with bullies and teachers who were always cruel

My family would all make fun of me, call names bully and teased
I was the loser that anyone could do or say what they pleased

None of my cousins was I ever allowed with to play
Was always much of the time alone every and all day

I lived in a strange way my dad was very to the T religious
And my mother was always drunk and of course blameless

She’d drink when home from work, on the weekends or holidays
And could always hide it from all her friends and the relatives

No one believed me when I told them that she had been drinking
They acted like I was crazy by then I knew what they were thinking

Mother took me out Friday's to eat and buy what I wanted, after work
Last stop, the liquor store for drink and smoke, was left in car like a ****

Mother would always drive with me while she was drunk
I knew she'd been drinking because she smelled like a skunk

Bought games that took two to play, parents never had any intention  
Of spending time with me, I was a bad child needing intervention

If I didn’t act a certain way when opening all my very expensive Christmas gifts
She’d pout, leave, and I’d have to open my gifts alone because I’d created a rift

Wasn't  perfect I admit;  ran off when 16 regret parents sent me away,
Came for counseling I complained about moms drinking, she felt angry

Said drinking not my problem, she’d return when I could face the truth
Never could admit wrongdoing, everything was because I was a youth

Home from school one day mom was passed out on  floor drunk
Called 911 her Dr blamed me and said no visit,  he called me a punk

My dad arrived home, find she was throwing up while passed out in bed
He'd take bowls put them near her mouth to catch it,  something I'd dread

He’d walk to the bathroom, empty the bowl and go back to get the next one to do the very same
And replace the unfilled one repeat the process.  I was told by her doctor that I was the blame

Sometimes mom would run down the hall to the toilet bowl throw up then my heart would race
Because I always knew mom would do this and then she’d come to room to scare rant and pace

Since I was a badly spoiled child who had parents with money, nice house cars and good jobs
And I was not willing to help out or be responsible, was told I made the family look like slobs

My sister let her boyfriend talk her into letting him take me to dentist, instead, he molested me
No one believed me because in the past I had lied about things, and the truth no one would see

I was different all the cousins, my aunts and uncle could blame me when things went missing
Or went wrong I was then and still am now the perfect scapegoat yes about it I’m still babbling

My father ran out the back door when he heard me wake up and come out of my room
So he didn't have to  bother with me, I wanted to spend time with him he’d assume

Somehow I managed to graduate from high school and I then would move
To a different city, I felt I might have better luck and my life would improve.

Married two very bad guys both who drank, beat me and verbally abused
Divorced them both and had one child and how I’d raise this child alone I was confused.

Moved into an apartment I still today about it rave
Mother always referred to it as a little dark damp cave

Things I wanted my mother to do with me she would say no
But wouldn't turn down a chance with other family to go

But this home where I've written articles, poetry that's been published
Most of the things I've written, mother has said they are mostly *******

Tried to work and go to school never was competent enough to follow through
Each time I would start either I did not have the ability to complete anything new

My daughter grew up, became ill with a repeating debilitating disease
I dedicated myself to getting her well, and nothing about it was a breeze

Had to take her in pain for doctor visits many times she’d cry and wished she were dead
This broke my heart with no family help, just her and I to face things in the years ahead

Unable to attend school for years, the doctor signed permission to stay home
School system assigned a teacher who was mean nothing about her was tome

School Social workers interfered
And my name they smeared

She finally one day went into remission
And now the Nephrotic kidney condition

Seems, for now, to have forever gone for good away
For years it’s been don’t want others to downplay

For a while, I home schooled her and the first semester back in the public school
She was on the honor roll things seemed to be looking up and I felt like I was the rule

Then one day she lost interest in classes, homework, and attending
And the principal of the high school was calling and threatening

Took her out of school and put her in to get her GED
Then  she was soon graduated within month of three

A year before she was supposed to graduate
I knew by then that I was doing things right

Enrolled me and her in community college we made the Dean’s list and no student loan debt
Last May she and I graduated have a new life now I don’t feel things in my life are a threat

Alone I’ve raised a good child, published a book and kept things together
I’ve published some poetry and stories in that will be on web pages forever

Even though my parents have helped me out once in a while financially
I feel lack of respect since they helped family who treated me crummy

I’m still feeling and have most of the hopeless thoughts when I was young
I still try to steer my daughter to be different from me and hold my tongue

Sister divorced husband for molesting children told kids I was bad
Lives in my town and over 20 years never talked, by her, I've been had

I think it's because my parents never would face reality or admit
To any wrong doing of years of abuse, something I couldn't forget

Mother has disowned me going to court to remove my name
Because she said I've caused her embarrassment and shame

I'm damaged goods, only go to doctor and for groceries to shop
I hide inside and on computer, write stories and poems till I drop

Why am I talking about this after all these years still?
Because I think that it may just possibly help me to heal

Looking back I find so many things have not been my fault
But I still feel many days like I'm the only one under assault.

Copyright 2013
All Rights Reserved

To the man on the street that called my ex girlfriend and I ******, I forgive you. We were nineteen and in love, I’m sorry that you were raised in a way that made you look at two girls holding hands and laughing as something that wasn’t to be shown in public. I’m sorry that my happiness made you feel insecure in that moment. My happiness was not on display to offend you. My love life was never an act of rebellion against you. I will forgive you for how you were raised but I will not apologize for showing love in a way you don’t deem appropriate for wandering eyes.

To the people I went to high school with, I’m sorry I never heard the rumours you spread about me until you were already out of my life. I’m sure you meant to break my heart when you called me **** in the hallways but your words never made their way back to me. Your aggression towards who I chose to love never stopped me from falling in love with girls I never imagined could be real. I refuse to hide away my love. I will not let your words shame me back into the closet I was scared to admit I was stuck in.

To the people who used to send me anonymous messages telling me to **** myself I hope you’re in a better place now. I often think about how my big secret made you so upset that you couldn’t stand to live in the same world as me. I’m not sorry that I’m still here now. I still feel sorry that you were so sad with yourself that you needed to make me feel as hopeless as you were.

To the people who voted no towards same *** marriage but watch ******* girl ****, I’m sorry my love is only okay when it’s for your pleasure. I’m sorry that you have such a skewed view on life that you see women as objects and not as people. I would forgive you but I don’t think you’d fess to your wrongdoing to be forgiven. There is nothing to forgive if someone won’t admit that they are wrong.

I’m twenty three now and I’m still not sorry for writing love poems about beautiful girls. I have stopped apologizing for being something that I’m proud of. I no longer hide behind my assumed heterosexuality. I proudly proclaim my attraction to women because I spent too many years being ashamed of being in love. I will never again sweep hatred under the rug to keep peace. I have never needed your approval for my love to be valid and I never will.

I am the sounding of your alarm
and the ringing of your bells

I am worth it, I am divine

I am the current that sweeps you away and the breeze that fills your mind

The sunlight casts a shadow on all of your wrongdoing; you are the most beautiful black sin

Forgive me not for my slumber, wake me not when you find me

Fill me with your benevolence, nurture me on your Earth
The surface is slick and clean, and I am the dirtiest of the sea

Forgive me not for my sins, I will be washed away in the end

I see you while you eat
I see you while you sleep
I will see you in every single one of your dreams

This life is a labyrinth for those of you who wish to be
What a shame it is to believe
I am every little thing you live, I am every little thing you breathe

I will be there when your curtain drops
I will be the only one you see

Watch out, or you will find that you're
On President Trump's Enemies List,
For democratic values and Donald
Trump cannot coexist.

Former CIA Director
John Brennan, now has learned
That when it comes to silencing critics,
Trump will leave no stone unturned.

After hearing Brennan's critical
Words, the angry Trump was stewing.
Bam! He revoked Brennan's security
Clearance despite no wrongdoing.

The crazed, vindictive leader called
John Brennan's behavior "erratic."
Muzzling the freedom of speech, Trump's
Becoming more autocratic.

The office of the presidency
Has never, ever been sullied so.
This vicious attack on our First Amendment
Rights is a terrible blow.

Trump accused Brennan of making
"Baseless charges." Real translation:
Brennan didn't hail Trump
With sycophantic adoration.

On Trump's list are others who
Might lose clearances as well.
Here his lack of integrity
And pettiness have no parallel.

Another motive for Trump's action
Is more diabolical yet:
He wants to strip the power away
From all people who might be a threat

Because of their connection to
The Russia probe. That makes sense.
As more dots are being connected,
The situation is growing tense.

While servile Republicans in Congress
Defend their despotic president,
Let Brennan's powerful words
Resound: "I will not relent."

-by Bob B (8-16-18)

I've been asked why
I don't fight for you
Flirt! they say
Assert your womanly powers! Enchant him! You'll get him one day!
But I don't want to fight
Because you are not an object I long for
And "us" is not a goal towards which I strive
You are a person
And I want only what is good for you
And crazy as it sounds,
I don't want to be with you
Unless I know it's what you want
I am demure and unprovocative
I am quiet and not talkative
I will not try to trap you in a net of seduction
Because love is patient
And resides in truth
I give you pens and paper and food
Try to make you laugh when you're in a bad mood
Give you advice and support
I will be your indestructible fort
And ask for nothing in return
No excessive generosity or false concern
Because love is kind, and keeps no records
I do not tell people all that there is and has been between us
I let them speculate and guess
Because love does not boast
It is not arrogant or rude
I do not weep over you and brood
I don’t hate the girls you flirt with
Because jealousy isn’t love, nor is it evidence of love
And I don't care when your buddies laugh at us
When we fool around, push and shove
Because love is not irritable or resentful
I do not find joy in finding you vulnerable and weakened
Because love does not rejoice at wrongdoing
I don't care when you joke around and lack tact and gentility
Instead I stay calm, and bask in tranquility
Because love is not easily angered
I will keep you safe and speak to you
Words of comfort and reassurance
Because love always protects
When you don't want to speak, I will hold you
Because love always respects
I will wait for you
Because love always trusts, always hopes
I will be your friend no matter what the cost
Because love knows what is precious, and always preserves
I bear it all with blind devotion
Navigating through every tumultuous ocean
Because love accepts all things, believes all things, endures all things
I endure the pain of what is unrequited
But being with you makes me happy
Because love doesn’t always hurt
If it always hurts it’s something else
Fear, attachment, addiction or possessiveness;
That is not love
I do not want to be your girlfriend
I don’t want us to be together
I want you to be happy
Because love is all selflessness
It’s the opposite of need and attachment
It’s allowing, rather than seeking
Letting go, rather than grasping
If it happens, it’ll happen
But if we ever end up together
Let it be as light and extrinsic as a falling feather
Let it be a sweet collision of hearts
A lucky foregathering of souls
And not the victory of a hard-fought battle
And I know that your kiss will be sweetest
If our lips stumble into each other in the darkness
Without desperate searching
I will not try to "get over you"
I will not flounder, I will not fret
I will not try to forget
Because love never ends
It transcends
And that is why
I will not fight
And I will not mention the letters I have written you- and had not sent, and now will never send.
And there will be regret
Bittersweet memories and wasted lips
It'll ache a little sometimes
I know, I know,
That I am perhaps renouncing a thousand kisses
A hundred long, thrilling dances in your arms
A hundred evenings not to be recaptured
But I'll live with it
I will not fight


*(But get me
I will not fight to obtain you
But I would fight to the death
Blood and sweat
To save you)

Let us run freely hand in hand
   in Elysian fields of resplendent grass,
where tranquil existence lies
      beyond skies of incertitude
         whence ambiguity doesn't rhyme,
and empathy's rapport  plays in the hearts
  of all those who cherish the melody of peace,
      swimming in rivers of abundant harmony
    and dance 'pon the ether of communion's serenity*

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right-doing, there is a field,
                                            I'll meet you there...."  Rumi

You slip out of bed beside me
Red satin sheets caress my skin
The blinds are barely open
Allowing lines of sunlight in

"Don't go" I beg my heartfelt plea
As you begin to dress
You kneel upon the bed-top
My face your hand caressed

"I have to go, you know the deal"
You say as my heart pains
The heavens feel my sorrow and cry
As it begins to rain

"Couldn't you tell him something
To allow for one more night
I'll love you like no other has
Our hearts entwined in flight."

You look into my eye so sweetly
Then slowly look away
"I wish that we could be together"
Your ruby lips did say

"Then leave that man tomorrow
And together we will be
I'll shower you with a love so deep
To make you marry me."

"That won't do!" she softly sighed
As a tear fell from her eye
"Our love will never be the same
We would only live a lie."

"What do you mean?" I asked her
My mind emblazoned with stress
"There's no love like we have right now
This I must confess"

"The love is spawned from wrongdoing
It fuels our passions fire
If we belonged to each other
Our love would lose desire."

"No matter what you tell me
There's no words that you can say
That will make me leave the man at home
And come to you to stay."

"This is a love that completes me
Because it's birthed from bad
It's the most amazing feeling of love
The best I've ever had."

"If you can accept the way I feel
I will come back very soon
The most that I can promise you
Is from midnight until noon."

The rain started to pour...

Watching all of my imperfections and insecurities trickle down the drain

Along with dirt from sweat and water from the rain

Every ***** thought and wrongdoing being washed away forever

Until the next time I look in the mirror and try to run away from my past

Perspiration forms on my forehead the further I get from where I used to be

I try to build muscle by carrying the weight of what lies in front of me

My body exudes salt water while I play a pickup game with present times; trying to figure out which way to go and decide the best move to get by each defender

I only feel clean again after I take a shower

I shower at night to go to bed with a clean slate only to wake up in need of another

The morning shower opens my eyes to the obvious things I was previously blind to

I walk around in the sludge created by society as if my skin isn’t dark enough they feel the need to cover me in mud

Rainfalls of title educated tries to fix me up only the mud is too thick and I’m not exposing my true self yet

Until I get home to shower again

I feel like myself again after I take a shower

I do not want to play in your garden of Eden
Pluck the sweet cherry apple from your tree,
Full it with the white christ evil that fills our core.

I do not want to play in your garden
But to walk naked with his creatures of all colours, sizes, identities and terms
And marvel at our beauty.

Princess,
With your pink hair and overgrown beard,
You are Eden’s finest.
Who are they to say what is beautiful?

We are slaves in our garden of Eden,
Swimming in her curves.
We are not to touch her
Though we are evil creatures of moral standards and consciousness.

Ebony came and stole with it our ability of doing things without reward.
Firmly grasped by whats right and wrong yet still,
We want to destroy her gaze with our rotting fruit.

There was ****** in the Garden of Eden,
Slaughtered puppets who steal the night with misheard approval and labels.
Child, you are not a bad person for wanting something that they did not.

The lion is not the devil for killing the deer.
He is not filled with vile for kissing the creature with death.
Though we will say it was evil as we pluck the fur from his mane
and wear it around our shoulders

We are the makers of The Garden of Eden and its slavery.
We full its nucleus with verdict and creed.
Enslaved men with torn backs and sable,
now cover their backs in suits and ties,
Still whipped.

Hang our bones in a science room
and teach the children where it hurts
Do you think greatness dies young
because the earth got jealous of its beauty?

How is it we spend our lives miserable and thoughtful
when the others spend their days chasing bees and lapping up rivers?
How is it we know so much about wrongdoing and yet the doing we do is so wrong?

I have played in your garden of Eden,
And I have let the labels loiter my mind with judgement.
I have felt ashamed of my Fathers illness for that would make him weak
And felt disabled as a woman for no want of children and marriage.

Yes God, I have faced your garden, tasted the sweet nectar from your tree and sinned in the eyes of Eden.

I must caution you,
Against a world lacking conflict.

A wold enveloped in
Continual peace
is hell.

Without suffering,
Without anger,
There is no passion.

A world wothout conflict
Is a wold lacking the beauty of sacrifice
The love of conviction
The satisfaction of righting a wrong.

I must caution you,
Without wrongdoing, without war
There is no peace
Just
Consistancy.

it's easy to become lost within one's self.
picking apart one's skin until
old scars are ripped open.

but you bring me back.
god, do you bring me back.

your lips write me, like a poem.
your hands right me, like an old wrongdoing.

even when my blood has spilled
onto the floor, like ink to paper.
even when i cry, 'i have been alone!'

you bring me back.

scars will heal. but their mark will remain.
i tell you this, again and again.

but when my scars threaten to open,
and time travel to the past
is like an echo- it's so **** repetitive,

you bring me back.
god, do you bring me back.

There are volumes and volumes
on the subject of love
As ancient as time
are the poems
and the books
and the plays
that have inspired
us all to desire
such love

Some of it seems
so lofty or unrealistic
to be experienced
That kind of love seems
unobtainable,
unreachable
and truly false
It only satisfies the heart
like cotten candy,
sweet to take in
but not fulfilling

On the other hand,
some love tales are filled
with heartache,
with a desired love
never achieved,
or unfairly thwarted,
but always
hungered and thirsted after,
like life-giving sustenance
to feast upon,
for love seems to be
the needed remedy to prevent
us just from existing  
for the sake of existing
  
With so much
that has been presented
in all kinds of art forms
on the subject of love,
I often am saddened
as to why
there is such the lack of it
in our world,
in the real world,
which is a place  
in which our fantasies collide

Hollywood love
is often our guide
in our modern world
and I have often
fallen for it
and could not get
enough of it,
like a drug that I craved
But how much of it
seems so selfish
and hypocritical,
such a mirage
and a hoax?

Is not love
more than an emotion?
Is not love
more than what "I" can get out of it?

Yes, this kind of love
I find repulsive
and cheap
and hallow
and cold

What I am writing about
may not inspire
the heart to feel tingly,
for we have all been taught
that love is only this way,
when all is good,
and all is perfect
as to two beautiful people
entwined in love's rapture

I now know differently

There are those dying
a slow death
from a lack of love
and they may not
even know they are
mortally wounded

Others may know
they need more love
than what the world
often brags about,
yet live a life
of quiet desperation

They may feel unworthy of it
They may hide from it
and avoid it
They may not be
very enjoyable to be around
to invite others to love them
But they need it anyway
just like everyone else

Like one needs air
basic water, food
and shelter to live
we all need love

I am not just talking about others,
although I've observed it, personally
But I have suffered my share of droughts
often suffered that disease myself
I do not admit it proudly
for it is a horrible feeling
of shame that
I wish never, ever to feel again
How I often longed for something
that did not seem obtainable
Or how I felt that I was not worthy
to take in such love

I also have to admit
my wrongdoing in reaching out
How guilty I have been
to not offer a smile,
a kind word,
or a sympathetic ear
to someone in desperate need of it
Too rapped up in my own problems

So I challenge myself,
for I know how it feels
to wish to experience love
in a more pure form from above
Not what I can get out of it
but how I can bless another

If the whole world
was to truly love
the way God meant
for us to do,
we would all be
saturated in its gift
and the ugly disease
from the lack of love
would be no more

As the ******* of healing herb
that made the tomato melt in his embrace
forms a perfect circle inside my cup
I sit here reminiscing the warm winter nights
When we would talk of how
I would make you some soup
Every time your body lost a battle with the weather
I reckon how you would draw a reel of our happy future
I sit here in the present, replaying, analyzing the past
And I cannot find one speck of wrongdoing
That pulled you away from me
Why, then, am I seated here, alone
giving in to the changing weather?
The temperature is rising around
But I feel cold and almost empty
Filling myself with hope
And soup

Yeah ***** *****,

you think you got me down,

I”m not down at all

Just stuck.

But I got the chains

I got the brains

I”m pretty

I”m smart

Too nice

and kind

for the likes of you.

No my Brother,

YOU are DOWN

as far as a human can go on the chain of wrongdoing

and madness.

Well your madness will no longer be my sadness.

My life will no longer feed your mangled sense of existance,

While my soul is whitled away by your cruel intentions.

*******!

Is what I finally say….

As I get up pff my dead *** and FINALLY show you who I am,

And EXACTLY where the **** I came from!

THEN you will finally see what an once of

forgiveness really is worth…

Cause you”ll not get any from this trick,

cuse life is too short,

and time is too precious!

I don’t intend on swimming in that lake with you no  mo”.

So mote it Be *****!

Blindly swinging at the wall
In front of my face
Although it is behind me, too
One continuous layer of separation
From the world beyond, the world we cannot see
I swing again I swing again
I swing some more
And connect only with absence
From this earth
Absence from reality
Sheltering my worried shaking head
I tear you from me,
I tear me from you
I’m confused
I don’t know where the ceiling is
I don’t know why there’s a sky inside my room
I don’t know why my basement is flooded
With air
Please just take every last breath of
Cyanide
Please just take every last gift
To the poor
Please just take every last effort
To undo your wrongdoing
“Bad times ahead”
And take them with you
When you stop being me

i recall the soft touch of your hand
on my infant cheek--

so delicate in the moment,
but so menacing later on.

i recall the warmth of your skin
as it comforted my shaking hand--

so calm in the moment,
but so frightening later on.

i recall the sweetness of your smile
as it had shone its luminescent glow upon me--

so beautiful in the moment,
but so unsettling later on.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~­~~~


i can't quite understand
why you no longer hold my hand.

see, you have a light touch so full of love,
that it could burst at any moment--
giving way to something sour.

i don't see the reason
for you to make my eyelids change color every season.

see, i have bruises like silk
and blood like milk--
your emotions could drink it all in one sitting.

i don't understand
why my heart still beats if the scale of my wrongdoing is so grand.


see, i have a droplet of hope,



but it falls into an ocean of fear

I imagined it to be like when you were five and scared of the dark
you wanted to be brave, to turn out the light and go to sleep
but you also wanted to run away from the monster in the dark
but this time
the monster was inside you
and not only a monster possessed your being, but chemicals and sadness and fears too

and it's not a case of "curiosity killed the cat" here
because this wasn't your wrongdoing
you were merely diagnosed with that C word that's hard to say
no, not curiosity, with five syllables that proves easier to say than two- which leaves doctors baffled

but you fought on
kind of like the princess-turned-ninja you pretended to be at seven
and eventually that C word ran away, and took its curiosity with it
and it didn't **** the cat at sixteen

Why feel miserable
When you have a choice
Don’t let your guard down
Fend off the barrage of accusations
Wanting to make you feel-
Depressed
Degraded
Disparaged
Defeated
Turn away from the intimidation
When you can live big
Not let someone belittle your mind
And the big heart
That beats with love
For yourself and dear ones
Indomitable, the soul is
And you are a formidable force
To break those iron grips
Shatter their wrongdoing
And give yourself a chance
Life awaits you
And it’s beautiful out there