The slow inexorable press of time
The unrelenting caress of passing days
Grinds and grinds away at my soul
Everyday, every hour and every second
A never ending torture of existence, of living
Yet, there is no physical pain
No mental anguish nor emotional strife
There is only the cold seeping chill of an empty life,
In the yawning expanse of time, a bleak future beckons
Time grinds and grinds away at my soul

I have lost so much yet I remain whole
Only just
My emotions flicker in and out, barely felt
Blood rushes through my veins,
I can no longer hear its strains
The world, once vibrant has lost its color
Everything is now dull, drab and gray
Yet in fleeting moments everyday,
As I breathe in, the world resets
Everything seems right
I am still whole and thats okay
And time still grinds away at my soul.

"Everyday must feel like a Holiday"They say,
Around me, everyone laughs
And loves
And lives
At the stroke of the hour, I die alittle within
Bit and pieces of me fall into the abyss
Never to be seen, never to return
They don't see the parts that are gone
Neither do I
I know that I am whole but only in body
Time still grinds away at my soul


I feel the weight of time more keenly than ever
Jobless, hopeless, useless
In this valley of disappointment that I reside
Every moment is torment when hope has died
Time is not cruel but it is not kind
And time never stops
God, time just never stops
Not for them and not for me
Forward it marches on,
Pitiless and unyielding from dusk till dawn
Swept along in its stream, i have no choice
Caught in its relentless roll
I only wish it could be gentle with me
But time still grinds away at my weary soul

I often wonder who you would be
if you never got cancer in high school
and you didn’t get addicted to pain pills
—if your mom never left  
when you were in desperate need of a parent
and you got help instead of radio silence
from the people that were supposed to protect you

I often wonder who you would be
if you never tried ******* or molly
and you took your meds
instead of self medicating
—if your friends knew how to love you
in ways that didn’t include
encouraging your addiction

I often wonder who you would be
if you started going to therapy
and accepted help for the first time in your life
so you could see that none of this
has ever been your fault

I often wonder who you would be
if you never locked me out
and you opened up instead
—if you accepted that you can’t do this all alone
would you be the person I know you could be
will you ever heal or will your addiction
take your life like it took your mom
and everything else
that was supposed to protect you

Today Snapchat reminds me
that a year ago you made me smile
and I feel a wave of sadness
for the happy ******* my screen
with tears in her shining eyes
I hear her say that she’s happy
and for a moment I’m envious
of her naivety of love

Today Snapchat reminds me
that two years ago we went
on our first date
but what it doesn’t show
is you showing up late in a ***** t-shirt
your eyes sunken in
and cheeks hollowed
from a night full of lines
and little white pills

Today I am reminded
that for you I didn’t have
rose coloured glasses
instead I had rose coloured irises
I was unable to take off
the admiration I had for you  
so I let myself believe that
what you gave me
was love

I still miss you
like you’re a word on the tip of my tongue
that I can’t quite spit out
and no matter how hard I try
you never show up when I need you to
—you only rear your head at night
long after my head hits the pillow
and my eyes finally rest
—only then do I remember you

I know you no longer think of me
I was never a fond memory for you
there was never a place in your mind
for my naive love stories
but you let me break my own heart anyway
maybe it made you feel something
to watch me shatter
and for a moment
you became addicted to hurting me
like I was your newest high
but like everything else
you grew a tolerance for me
and tossed me aside for the next drug

What is living?

I dont know.
Some people living their life with happiness
Some peole living their life with sadness
And most people living their life with both situation.
When some people think that life is just a wasting time.

They never feel like really happy
They never feel like really sad
They wanted to feel them.
How it feels like to be really happy until you smile everyday?
How it feels like to be sad until you want to end your life?

For some people, life is just wasting time
You just do everything in circle day by day,
Time by time
The exact same thing
There's no happiness, sadness, or excited over something
Their heart just empty.

Well, maybe life is not wasting time
But we are waiting time,
To die
That's okay
Maybe we can find something exciting in there
Just wait

I want to be someone.
I want to be your someone.