I call it the ****** Freeway.

It seems like it's free but the exits are very hard to come by and there's always a cost for traveling it.

I give constant thanks
For the map
That set me free...

If we go back to the beginning,
we shall find
that ignorance
and fear
created the gods;
that fancy, enthusiasm,
or deceit
adorned them;
that weakness worships them;
that credulity preserves them
and that custom, respect and tyranny support them
in order to make
the blindness
of men
serve their own interests.
If the ignorance of nature
gave birth to gods,
the knowledge
of nature
is calculated
to destroy them.

- Baron D’Holbach

Trying to peer through dust covered eyes
lost in a sea of darkness
and tossed about in the night
how do I find a way through
to another view?
I try to know, to see,
through the murk that encompasses me.

I've been blinded and beat
by a game I didn't know was in play
while trying to walk free
into some other new day.
How do you reconcile that which was lost & ignorantly given with others who've taken all your power away?

Love and the Battle Field have No Right to Mix!

It's funny how
You can be driving along,
Minding your own business,
When all of the sudden,
Thru the now absent front window,
Your face is introduced to the asphalt.

What happened, happened.
I'm dealing with it.
We still have a relationship.
It could be worse.
I'll figure **** out & so will you.
Sometimes you need to wallow
And sometimes You need to pull yourself up by your bootstraps.
Knowing what to do when is what makes a wise man.
I hope to become wise with time.

Monsters with many faces

Lost in so many Places

Where has it all gone,

In plain sight

Where am I

Where are You

It all slips away today,

Down down deeper I go

The further I travel the less I know

Inside Outside its all alone

Nothing left, the beginning all over again

Look to the left, look to me

No matter which way, You’ll never see

A place that exists never to be found

You run & walk but only cover the same old ground

It’s all sad, it’s all true

Nothing old & nothing new

Look at me, can you really see?

I’m lost I’m found, but never sound

No matter where we go the same is always found

I’m up, I’m down, I’m all around,

In the end it all comes back to me.

I want to know, I want to see,

Thru the mist enshrouding me

Left & right, I struggle, I fight,

Surrounded by the darkest sea & night

Thru the mist I strive to be

The monster inside that fights to be free.

All the places thru which we pass
No matter how we try to leave
They always seem to last.
We strive to another point in time,
But continually seem to return
to that which we wish to leave behind.
Life, A looping daja-vu ryhme.

Sometimes you gotta walk thru the muck & mire to come out clean & clear on the other side.
Somethings can't be avoided or circumvented.
They just stall your life until you deal with them.
Sometimes you can say OK so this happened, it's why I do this or that and then move on.
Sometimes doing that is just away to avoid dealing with things too painful.
Sometimes you can go your whole life without those unaddressed things causing you problems.
Other Times you reach a point where in order to go further in your life,
Heal yourself and become whole, you HAVE to let them out or DIG them out and deal with them.
I'm gonna need a really big shovel...

The thing so many people never realize is that the most important things in their life are here, now, in this specific moment.
At least not until it's too late.

Life is made up of moments and choices. And it's so **** scarily easy to miss the moments of the most important choices and decisions.

I've seen people have the very thing they long for right in front of them, and I've seen them say  hold on, just one minute, let me just do this one thing, and then I'm there.

And when they finish that one thing, the only thing they ever really wanted has disappeared before their very eyes.

The man who has not discovered
the mystic within
is akin
to a man
lost in a dry desert
with no life saving water in sight.

i'm on the outside looking in
every time I think it's me,
this chance might be mine,
I'm left sideways & blind.

I saw her & thought she looked my way
but its a glance that always lands somewhere behind me.
A favored friend, I'm the good guy
that she never really sees.

A life of lost looks & opportunity.
tired of waiting to be
someone else's best company.
I'm more than u know,
my self you've yet to grasp,

**** All This ****,
Who I Truly Am would Knock You All On Your ***!!

For those who Believe, no explanation is needed. For those who do not Believe, no explanation is sufficient

Regret holds you in the past,
Let Go
and it becomes
a distant memory.

Remember,
you can't see the road
in front of you,
If you're looking
in the rearview mirror!

We look for the things we fear, are uncertain of, or doubt; in our relationships, job, children, partner.
Sometimes if you look hard enough, you will find those exact things in places where they do not actually exist.
Other times they may exist in places you never expected to find them.
The ONLY counter measure to fear, uncertainty & doubt is love, faith & trust.

If our trust in others is based only on what we think THEY have earned, created, or are worthy of , we will most often be left
blind-sighted and half-blinded.

The moment I base my ability to  trust solely on others actions, words, choices, I have relinquished control of the outcome & my state of being to the other person.

When I make a personal choice to trust despite of or outside of these things, I own the outcome, not them.

If that trust is betrayed, it is not something done TO me, making me a victim, but something I chose, on my terms.

In choosing & owning the act of trust, we make it our own, we drop our fears & our dependency on others for our well being.

We free ourselves from their actions & choices, which allows us to clearly see, face & deal with our own.

Trust is a choice. Either granted or earned, to trust another is to actively CHOOSE trust & faith over doubt & fear.
Ultimately, making that choice to trust transforms you.

It is the ACT of trust itself that matters, changes your life, NOT whether or not it was well placed.

It is not the betrayals of others that define us, but whether or not WE are willing, brave & strong enough to RISK being betrayed, to RISK trusting.

It is in the active choice of trust, love & faith that we find our own truth, self, nature & even at times our redemption & salvation.

There are some people you just can't save, especially from themselves. Know your limits and theirs,

The echos of my life within
Yet as I drown it is not you who holds me afloat
suffering of my own accord,
submerged by your love,
only I can save myself
and find the way back to fresh air!

Sometimes the more I see,
the less I want to look...

And out of the Darkness and Chaos and Disorder has come something Beautiful and Magnificent and Eternal, that cannot be Damaged or Destroyed, existing only in a State of Continual Transformation and Becoming.

I'd rather be Lost then Found cuz when I'm Lost I save Myself.
When I'm found that means someone else Rescued me.

The Glass is not half empty
Nor is it half full
It is simply awaiting its fate,
Always Held in someone else's hands.

And Then I Saw.
And  Found That I had Loved.
And My Cup is Always Full.
Even When It Overflows,
It's Sides Will Never Empty.

There is no top nor bottom,
Only that which is held in between,
The source and keeper
Of all and every thing.

6/2018

The temptations of heaven & hell they vex my spirit yet...

So much has changed
to carry us this far
from that ****** up place
where we used to be
and I dearly appreciate
all you've altered in you
to be with me.

Yet no one should ever
have to fight themselves
to become other
than what they truly are
for another.

No one should sacrifice themselves
on anyone elses alter.

If you can find a place in this world where you know who you truly are and not only What You Want,
But What is BEST for you and allows you to fulfill your purpose,
you have found True Wiisom!
How many of us are Wise?

Sometimes I'm in over my head, but that's when all the best stuff happens!!

If it's all predestined
then that means
it's all already occurred
and everything has already passed
  and there is no present or future
   there is only that which already is...

If you could have the answer to any question you ask, you would learn to ask your questions with care. It doesn't stop being a riddle, just because you happen to know the answer.

Words and Actions are of equal importance

They are inextricably interconnected; neither
has meaning
or value
without the other.

It is Integrity
that gives value
to our Word

Thru Actions
our word is honored;
it is what reveals
the truth
Or lie
of what we speak

Willfully ignorant & greedy sloths
Who reject and run from that which might save them,
Running towards and embracing
the means of their own destruction.
Mind Wide Shut
They see only that
which is pleasing to the eye
and brings about
the certain death
of their lost and mortal soul.

These mountainous gaps
Between what I know is right
and should be
and what actually is
Leave me gaping in doubt,
uncertain we will ever be able
to transverse this crevasse
Spanning the distance from you to me.

I won't ever allow for less from you
than we deserve
and know you are worthy
of offering me.
I try to balance
and accept your capabilities,
remember just cuz you have it to give
doesn't mean you will,
accepting with Grace and Love
that which you do.

If I do not walk this tightrope carefully,
I know there is no net to save me...

All I can say to you is
we've been royalty for so long
that this is our lifetime
to feel the pain.

It was the only way we could finally find our way home
to our humanity,
maybe?

Back to ourselves, so that we could save all the rest.

It's not fair
and it's ****** up
and we've CHOSEN ALL of it.

And the only way to find our way back,
is thru our connections with others.

The only way thru
Is to walk
in the mud and muck and mire.

We WILL come out clean & clear
on the other side.

We must NEVER forget who & what we truly serve
or why
we've lowered ourselves upon this hallowed ground.

Every pain, loss, debasement and sorrow
serves that one final purpose
our soul always senses and falls before and upon.

I'm so sorry.
I saw it all.
Knew it all.
And stood silently before it all,
in Service
to the One Final Purpose
and also,
To Your Greater Good, My Luv.

So Quit Whining.
We agreed to this
before we even arrived.

And in the end, that which is served validates all.

If You Really Listen,
Without Just Waiting To Talk,
You Know That It's True...

Information is
of the Mind.
Knowledge is of the Soul.

Learning to sit
in the Seat of the Soul
is unnerving,
It is Being in a Space,
Completely Unknown
until this Moment
Here
Now...

Being a blind optimist
While being blinded by love
Is to eventually be blindsided

It's not that everyone is happier with money.
It's that everyone would Always be this happy,
if money wasn't a factor at all...

So much is changing, so much is coming
I'm ready for 10,000 deaths
and 10,000 new beginnings.

The days when all things are possible
When All things have already happened
and All things that can happen, will

Downstream of the wave form function collapse
Waiting for what already is,
to Become
here where we are.

Looking From the center
At that spanning out in every direction
There is no
Begining Middle End
Before Now After
Past Present Future
Above Between Below
Close or Far
Here or There
Then or now
Outside or in
Us or them

It all is existing, presently, eternally
At once
And at the same time
Continually coming into being
In an illimitable multitude of ways

You swept me
off my feet
You were the river
That washed over
and carried me to higher
Ground.

Healed by your love
You've taken
me to places
I'd of otherwise
Never found.

Entangled with you,
We are forever bound...