I would love to let you read my mind
Follow my thoughts just as you would the pages of a book

I will internalize the words you say
I will memorize your lips and the way they fell perfectly in line with mine
I will hold you hand as an imprint on my heart
I will love you furiously and wildly like a melody grasped in music
I will do all of these things in outrageous outbursts
with honesty
With hope
And with the charitable idea of love
I will love you
Openly, honestly and heavily
I will open my mind and my ironic thoughts
I will
But in a twist of empty faith
You resigned from the will and charitable outburst found in music
The melody halted
As did our will
I will forever remember you
I will embrace the words you once said
I will remember the way your lips touched mine
I will remember your hand on my heart
I will endlessly and sadly remember the love
I will remember the song that always played in the back of your empty room
I will remember the thoughts that fired through my soul
I will always remember you-- *and I'll always remember our unexpected goodbye

11 pm and I'm actually laying in bed for once. No drunk nights can avoid the unavoidable thoughts of feelings. All I can think of is how much I miss you. And at the same time all I can think of is how it's 11 pm, hoping you're doing the same.
-I.g.

The wind started to settle
An it was no longer cold.
Although it was still raining
The coffee now, was sweet and bold.

He crossed her mind
She hit her bowl

I just want to sit outside with you all night and just talk. Don't you?

"Watch the stars" he said
"Okay."
her eyes were shut to stone.
"What did you wish for?"

laughs "wishing doesn't work like that?"

he loved the way her mind reasoned

"What if I don't say anything to anyone?"
                        he loved her
"What a temping offer."
everything about him tempted her.

"So will you tell me?" just as he smirked charmingly

she leaned in like she was going to Kiss him
" a secret wouldn't be a secret if I told anyone, would it?"
         she pushed him back, let go of his shirt and laughed
you could almost hear his heart beat regulating

"Promise we will be friends forever?"

the warmth started to disappear from her body just as a slight ache settled in her  stomach.

                    "Forever"
she smiled
                                    
she loved him

They both continued to stargaze.

3 am and my heads spinning. My thoughts are all over the place. I'm on a thin line between feeling too deeply and not feeling enough, I can't tell which is worse. They're equally equivalent it seems. "I ****** up, I really ****** up." I can't stop telling myself that. You're kisses that used to be so sweet, just seemed so wrong this time. "why did I just do that." The way you're breath lingered on me used to drive me crazy, but now it doesn't. I couldn't stop thinking of me thinking. How did I get so lost, why doesn't it feel right anymore? You used to feel so right to me?

I am lost
I love you
Who am I
Who are you
We were friends
Silent lips lie
Is this reality
Nothing got better
People aren't nice
I am hurt
I hurt you
Do you remember
We're all tired
Same routine everyday
Lost in confusion
Lost in effort
Beautifully painted skies
I've grown up
You were different
I was different
I want ***
I want love
I want pain
A year intoxicated
I didn't know
Failure to myself
Read many books
Leave pain behind
Drink your milk
She's gone now
Life's quickly fading
Words left unsaid
Lust isn't love
I barely exist
Don't forget me
Let yourself heal.

Love the word.

The clouds covered the east side of the sky in irony.....


---- sorry.

I loath the 9 am small talk
“Good morning, how are you?”
“ oh, fine—you”
As if much has changed from the last 24 hour hours
Polite causalities are anything, but—polite
In fact, they are rather artificial just like those bags of chips on the table
Nonetheless, I indulged and patiently walk away
Quickly before the irritation is to strike me again, I patiently wait for the *** to stop brewing
Coast is clear no coworker in sight—I think to myself
I calmly pour the coffee into my mug and just as I’m ready to walk out
The pedestal of politeness makes his grand entrance
Small talk is now forced into a long and careless conversation—my eyes are rolling into the back of my head
Pretending to a sight of patience I, yet again indulge
Luckily before a lengthy conversation could go it’s way, someone walks in—finally, an escape
I quickly walk away as if I have pressing tasks that need attending i dont —we are all really pretending here
Regardless, it’s 9:10 and I’m finally made it to my desk.

His voice
His touch
His stare

Today was similar to the dream that left me restless the night before
Hazily, I contested to relive the memory of today
****
But in a blink of a eye, the joker oscillated into a magician
Gone he now is

Realization struck me today
We were two bodies so close, and ironically so unbelievably far away
Alone is how we were  
Together was how stood

The dream that laid on my pillow was simple and unusual
It led me begging for answers, while sinking in questions
My dream resembled today

Throughout the day my thoughts were filled with clutter,
I also noticed that today felt colder than the usual
I caught myself in constant shivers
It was cold enough for more than a few cups of coffee—black

I discovered that my restless nights unusually did not provoke overwhelming tiredness
which usually would occur

Today was odd and translucent almost
deja vu
The sky found itself in a neutral balance between black and white
Yet, the moment I saw him
The moment he walked towards me
I found instant warmth
His smile reminded me of everything I cherished to forget
Together was how we stood
Alone is how we were

We found ourselves in the pit of our silent and speechless misery
Sometimes I think we let the music speak before we actually did
Through the chorus of profound lyrics
Or through marvelous transitions in melody
We felt,
We understood it
As always we found ourselves spending the day together in reality,
While desperately alone in spirit

Billiards and juke music— That was our favorite way to spend the day
I would be stripes and he would be solids— It was always the same

Vividly, I can recall it all

I could hear his voice as he mumbled along to my favorite song
—clear, soft and a bit raspy, just like guitar strings being strung

I could feel his touch hesitate as he helped guide my hands onto the cue stick

I could feel his stare
— deep, compassionate, and puzzled
He was always left puzzle while around me— I knew it all too well
His eyes spoke, while his voice stayed silent
—As did mine
peaceful
It was my turn now
The music still played
And our voices still silence

Confidently I grasped on to my cue stick just as the way he showed me
And I aimed toward the number 5 ball for a shot in the left pocket
Clear as day
I called it
The shot was lined along perfectly, it was simple
More momentum then ever my cue stick released an astonished speed onto my cue ball
But in a blink of an eye and through livid calculation, I scratched
Baffled, confused and astonished just like the speed that was released onto my ball
We stared at one another in mindless contact— like always
The music still played
But voices weren’t silent— they filled the room with laughter

In that moment realization struck me
Through irony my restless nights had become restless because I was too busy dreaming
Awake, aware and alone

Today had a mist of nostalgia floating in the air
It left me tired and restless
But in the blink of an eye, it all so quickly disappeared

How can you love a wolf in disguise ?
your sharp teeth,
your claws speak danger.
My back bleeds
Pain,
A scar with the memory of distrust
You did this to me,
A wolf in disguise
I love him.

You're lips were so sweet.
Mine were so confused.
You were different than most.
You were honest, kind and thoughtful.

You'd tired to look me into my eyes, that constantly saw fear,
You tried to figure out the way I saw the world.
You got my humor, and sarcasm.
So you'd laugh when I'd laugh too.

I was so lost with the past, to let you in my future.
Realization kicked in, just as I blinked.
Then you blinked too..
Now my lips are no longer confused,
but they are bitter.

You were my favorite thought at 7:30 in the morning
As I woke up and gently smile
thoughts of you brushed through my mind
Laughter embraced me as I causally pulled the covers over my head in embrassment
In the mean time the covers layed on my newly blonde hair, I'd think
how could I be so in love with a man like you
Something I never expected nor encountered to feel
It was as if we were to magnets gravitating towards one another
Endlessly
As my thoughts drifted me back to sleep
He walked through the painted white door frame and sighed with endearment
I stopped and smirked
"What?" I said to him
Without words, he gravitated towards me
as if we were the two little magnets that plunged through my thoughts
Quick as ever he pulled the covers off of me as I whole heartedly and playfully clenched to them in resistance, but he was a little too quick and a little too smart
He stared deeply into my eyes and grinned
Finally, he made his way to me and gently clenched onto the covers, as I playful did too
He grab my hips and pulled me in closer
Weightless I layed
The warmth of his body resembled the feeling of wearing a thousand hand knitted swears in the middle of July
The strength of his arms made me feel safe, while his voice gave me assurance and comfort
I stopped and sighed with admiration
He continued to gently gleam into my eyes
And just as I pulled away in embrassment, he insisted to drag me closer
The closer he got the more his nose brushed against my cheek
I no longer pulled away
His eyes were locked in mindless contact with mine, while his lips brushed against my cheek
Breathless I layed
He whisperd in my ear "coffees ready"
I smiled
As I replied-- no sugar and no cream

Our bodies were too close for comfort not to touch,
My breath laid heavy as you grabbed my heart
Your lips were bitter, just like the beer you drank that night,
My head was spinning.
I hate you,
I love you,
I miss you so much.
Silence became a paradox that night,
Wrongs became right,
And right became wrong.
We felt alone as we were in a room filled with fouls,
The past seeks the future, as the present lives for the past.
Guilt is eating me out alive of the memory of that night,
A fog hits my room, to agree with my head.
It's a love game,
No more bets.

I want you
Eight letters three words

You Tear me down
you build me up
you break me
you say love me
you say miss me
you hurt me

I love you
Eight letters three words

You leave me
You come back
I love you
I believe it
You lie
You say your sorry

I hate you
Eight letters three words

You still love me
You miss me
I left you

The tables have turned

I need you
Eight letters three words

I don't care anymore
I don't love you
I'm not hurting
Your speechless
You're sorry

Eight letters three words
I love is not enough

My good is not good enough
My good is a failure
My good makes tears
My good is not good enough
So what is good enough to make good?

*******. Is it so hard. Why is everything so hard.
Not skinny enough.
Not pretty enough.
Not her.
Not smart enough.
Why is life so hard.
We all struggle with **** everyday.
I want to do something in life that means something.
I don't want to be defined by a label of society.
Why is life so hard.
Animals hunt when they are only hungry, so how could they be destruction.
Humans hunt to win.
We are our own worst enemy's.
We wonder why life is so hard...

I don't believe in love, because love doesn't believe in me.
I don't smile in pictures, because a picture captures a thousand words.
I believe in poetry, because it tells a story of our brutal reality.
I believe in today, because our faith lies in the stars.
I don't believe in forever, because of doubt.
I believe in insecurities, because we all have them.
I believe in humanity, because if we don't, then what are we all fighting for?
I don't believe in failure, because we are all meant to have a legacy.
I believe, I believe, I don't believe, because I believe.

In the mist of it all, I'm just a yearning, passionate soul, looking to be loved.
To be understood,
To be seen for mind verses matter.
In the mist of it all, I'm lost in a body of a bodies.
Everyday thousands of people pass by me.
On their bikes, in their cars, on the bus, by feet.
I'm in my own world thinking about THOSE people thinking,
At the same time I'm competing with myself.
I find myself at a at very Freud stand point.
In the mist of it all, I've always seen right and wrong.
I used to see the in betweens,
I used to see the befores and predict the afters.
And now, in the mist of all this doubt, all this fear, all these people,
I find myself lost,
I find myself scared,
I find myself lonely.
This mist scares me of my own greatness, but at the same time it serves my incompetence.
I look at her, I look at him, I look at all of THEM,
And in the mist of it all, they look okay.
They look happy,
They are riding their bikes, taking the bus, driving their cars,
And walking towards something....
In the mist of it all,
I know assumption is an ignorant observation,
We are all a spectrum in this thing called life.
but in the mist of it all, I need a security, an explanation, a freedom to feel, to cry and to indulge in self-doubt.
But in the mist of all this mist, I need some one to hold me tight,
To reassure that my fears are only fears,
To secure my feet,
To believe in my thoughts, because they don't believe in me.
To make me feel,
God.
Where have I fallen in all this mist.
God please help me live, feel, cry for passion and not for pain.
In the mist of it all,
In the mist of it all,
I'm left with thoughts, thoughts,
And thoughts.......
In this godforsaken mist.
I yearn for love, I yearn for hope, I yearn for dream....

God, I've spent my entire life saying, "I don't need anyone." "I can do this myself." But for once in my life, I hate that I can say I need you. I need you to want me, and I want you to need me. I do need someone in my life, and it's always been you.

It was all the same,
Morning to Morning,
Night to night.
The meaning of beatitude did not exist in me,
Only bleakness enriches my soul.

Little joys in dogs and toys did not entice me,
Neither did the florishing perfums of stores after stores.
A smiles started to become a fabricated motion of crinkling the corners of my cheeks.
Limelight staunched ,
Power in my hands,
And the world at my feet.

The world was no longer colorful,
With hopes and dreams.
Red and blue.
Clouded and pricked.
Black and white.
Vision gray.

It was all the same.
Morning to Morning,
night to night.
My purpose,
The meaning,
Vanished like spring.
It blooomed, it peaked, it died.

It was all the same.
Everything around me turned gray.

She wanted to write just was on her mind,
What she really felt, but she couldn’t.
She found difficulty putting her feelings into words  
And her words into perfect syntactical form.
She knew the moment it all crossed her mind, she would never be able to write a sentence of all of her hurt.

It was a beautiful, and warm Monday afternoon.
Physically, the world felt in place
The sphere around her bore in serenity and tranquility
Except her mind.

She laid her body carelessly in a bed of a thousand lilacs,
Dawdled by thoughts
She was unready to explore her surroundings
But the world craved her undying attention
Unfocused, discomforted, content
The wind fleeted swiftly through her hair,
While the lilacs obscured her of pollen

She could hear everything, but simultaneously, nothing at all.
Too much or too little, it never seemed to be enough.
Just as she laid her head back on to the bed of lilacs
The wind danced in ******, tempting heed of her

It was a charming afternoon
Most would say,
But her mind danced along the brass of the wind,
rather than attending in curiosity  

Once again she laid her body back onto the bed of lilacs
Trying to comfort her discomforting thoughts
Finally
It was quite and her mind now felt at ease

Carefully, she listened to the wind
She didn’t miss a beat
The rhythm felt smooth—natural
Chills struck down her spin as the wind tackled through her tangled hair
Ironically, she felt at peace

A sudden shadow casted above her undistributed body
The lilacs comforted her in a way that her bed could not
The wind started to silence itself
Composure diminished from the realm of her thoughts

Quietly, she listened to the raspy and familiar voice that would not stop humming
In a chuckle he asked, “why are you laying in a bed of flowers?”
He didn’t even notice that they were lilacs
Flustered by his sudden appearance, she opened her eyes and realized that it was time to leave the garden
She stared at him for a moment before she actually responded
With a slight nervous laugh, she responded honestly “I don’t really know.”
Dazed and confused, she gathered her strength to stand up “It’s been a while...”
But before she could even finish her sentence,
The brassy wind started to chime
“Want to go grab some coffee?” he nervously said.

I've never been good at lying, yet somehow I've always been good at hiding my heart.
-I.g.

When did life hit the pivot of complication?
As we people sit here and scrutinize our pain,
We deliberately convince ourselves, nothing good will come.
We began to lose faith in good, because misfortune trumps the little rewards of lemons,
The world is gold and so is life.
The mind plays tricks and so do the eyes.
The pivot will disappear when one makes lemonade even without sugar.

The carelessness in your eyes,
Is a constant reminder of who you are no longer.  
Your eyes they were gentle and caring toward the world,
Vanished,  
as did your clarity.
Fogged, by the drink of sins.

Those kind eyes of yours, spoke to my heart,  
Your thoughts felt me.
your soul spoke of the future,
with goals ,
Opportunity stuck,
Because ambition.
Your hands reached for gold,
Because success.
Your wrist held time and so did your faith,
Because future.
but one day,
I saw gray, in the eyes that held God.
Lightness became darkness.  
A world of fear became of you,
Reality cut you out before you could say hello.
Something inside of you died that day,
I lost the caring soul that I loved in you,
The world scared you, as did yourself.
I can no longer believe in the man I thought you  once were,
When a boy is visible in actions.
I saw far the grief intentions,
and your unlawful ways.
Purity could not exceed my love and neither could my faith.
Your good spirt left,
And all you reek is sins.
Sins that you'd  drown yourself to no longer feel the pain,
Numbness became your ultimate clarity,
Goal.
Sins they reek of you and your soul.

The world is a blue paradise.
The cold air shivers on my skin,
My lungs can't afford to breath.

The world is closing it's windows,
I close my eyes..
I imagine glory...
A sunset to keep me free,

Lost in despair,
Who am I..
What am I...
A girl lost in paradise.

I got lost in the idea of love.
I got lost in your lies.
I got lost in the lust I once yearned for.
I found myself at odds ends,
reality vs reality
both bitter, and both sweet.

I thought you were sweet to me at one point in time,
But you've always been bitter, just like my coffee without sugar.
I drink my coffee black,
with one pack of sugar.

I didn't lose faith in love, because I haven't found it yet.
reality sets in
the past is sweet,
the future is sweet
and my coffee?
It's not bitter.

Thoughts manifest into outbursts, while love transcends into lucid memories
awake by the unusual, while soundly and  Nourishly condemned asleep by distress
Remarkable beauty held hostage in the bricks and the mist of the darken night
Manfiestation devoures into desperation, While temptation rages a twist of faith outbursted in thought.
Manifesting hidden reality
Manifesting disgraceful truth
1:19 pm and my thoughts are still of you

The coffee shop reeked of introspection
It was quiet but noisy at the same time
From slight chattering that flittered the patio to cars battling in traffic
She felt like she finally belonged

The smell of coffee thrilled her
She would romanticize each cup
Just the thought of hot steam curling around her lips as they pressed against the lovely mug made her quiver

She was never very patient
Every sip would slightly burn her tongue
But that never seemed to bother her

She valued the little things
Each sip, exhibited a moment of warmth, relief, and sincerity
In between each sip, her mind found relief
After each sip, sincerity found itself to be ironically bitter
It was 82 degrees and she found her coffee to be just as warm as the sun
Too busy romanticizing the view around her
She burnt her tongue once again

I wish you could borrow my eyes for one minute, just so you could see the world the way I do. See my view, my thoughts, my fears, my insecurities, and my memories. Feel what I feel through my eyes. See the way my eyes see you.

The perfect tint of blue lies in the sky as I roll my windows down in the car,
The breeze feels right on my bronze tinted skin.
The sun lays a kiss apon my cheek,
All that feels right in the world leaves me with a smile of joy,
The humming of nature plays melodies to my ears,
yet my heart isn't touched by that very noise.
All that's right, and all that's perfect in the world is nothing without you.
Luck has entered in my world without you, but without you I'm unlucky.
Paradoxes play a role with our twisted faith,
Are we meant to ever be, or our we meant to cut of losses,
Should I just listen to the melodies of the birds chirping of love, and hope?
Should I listen to the wind, run free and miss the bittersweet hope that could of been us...
The sun shines bright in the orbit of our world, the sky illuminates in a calming blue of hope, and love
The wind screams freedom, as the birds fly with love...
My sky isn't blue without you.

I wanna feel ******* happy with everything in me.
The more I try to reach it, the more I get lost,
What the **** is actual happiness...?
How long does it stay, and when does it arrive?
The negatives always out right the positives, but why?
Why is negativity so strong, and happiness is so weak?
Who is actually happy..

The mirrior is my adversary.
My eyes variance, what others don't see.
To the word I'm adequate, crowning , spotless, and skilled

Every morning I wake up, get ready and cover my lips in red majestic mac

Red lipstick seems to illuminate confidence in the eyes of many,
but to me it is merely a pigmented shield of secrets.
Humorous isn't it?
Every unmarred life, seeks to relive its pigments
Fears, self-doubt, imperfection.

Mirror, mirror, mirror on the wall..
Who's the thinnest of them all...


The sound of battle rumbles
Conscious at wrists ends
Bawling in me

Fat,
Fat,
Fat,

Yours tricks are foul, you tauntful mind
Vision is blurred from reality,
Oh mind how you love to frolic

Your sheer joys leave me unpieced,
The snickering of my mirror,
Damages my frame.

Sorrowing fades my red lipstick
Pigments revealed,
Vulnerable,
Unworthy,
Marred to the bone

Quickly I learned that the mind is the enemy, filled with con

Staring in my mirror and all I see is fat.

Red lipstick always seems to fade by the end of the night.

Read me your favorite book in the dark, as our bodies touch.
let me feel your thoughts, your fears just as they linger off your lips as you read the words off the page.
In that spilt of a second, Hit me with a silence and deep stare, as I grasp for my breath
Tears the clothes off my body just as you teared into my mind,
Let's sit in the dark, let's share, let's feel.
Read me your favorite book and compare me to daisies.

Two am on that chill summer night,  
We hungout for the first time since our part.
Words were said,  and screams were yelled,
But the silence was always more loud.
I could never bring my heart to speak to you, because your lips spoke dishonesty.  
My head always knew that, but my soul could never believe that.
That night while we were laying in bed, nobody was home.  
I looked at you and you looked at me,
I actually let you peek into my eyes,
because for once I wanted you to see my soul,
I wanted to see yours.  
I wanted our silence to be stopped. 
 Your lips spoke to me, as did your touch,
Fireworks illuminated in my heart, we both felt it.  
Laying there we both stayed scared. I could feel it, so could you.
We talked,  but then silence came above us again.
I established my head on his chest,
I could feel his heartbeat following the rythm of a fast drum.
His breath was restless, as was mine.  
Our souls contemplated one another and we knew we were wrong all along.
We both stayed silent,
It was always louder than our words. 
 As dawn was approaching us, we knew this night wouldn't last for ever.
It wasn't two am anymore or a chill summer night.  It was time we faced reality,  
our eyes spoke the truth,
our hearts felt the ache,  
our breath yearn for each other, but our lips spoke nothing. 
 Silence never spoke so loud.  
We pretend like it was okay,
 That time wasn't on our side,  but in reality,  
we both knew time is always there until we let it slip away.
That's what we did.  
Time left and so did we.
Our silence screamed and so did our souls everytime we crossed paths,
which is  often.
our silence knew more than us, that it was never supposed to end like this.