do you have moments, where you can’t imagine a future?
you’re lying there, staring at the
same walls
same ceilings
same words
with nothing but the same feelings-
empty and pale,
like there’s no reason to go on,
when you can’t even do enough to fail.
the future is coming, but you don’t want to be in it,
can’t imagine yourself in it.
where you just want to stop.
everything.
and just sit there for a while.
maybe not death, as that’s too permanent,
but something close to it.
when you can feel the rope around your neck,
the razor on your wrist,
the way the pills taste.
you can imagine it, and you aren’t sure if it’s what you want,
or just the feelings you imagine it will give you

I thought
I was blind
until I witnessed,
first hand, the
beauty in your eyes.
Now I see why
I fell for you.

Is smiling
there in the corner
At me-
For putting myself
in hell
without his help.

As I am internally consumed by the monster within,
you see nothing but the smile,
when my body aches with starvation,
you hear nothing but the laugh,

I cry out for help and all you hear is white noise,
I beg for guidance but all I get is static,

As I wage this war against myself,
you see nothing but confidence,
when I watch my world shatter around me,
you hear nothing but positivity

You have taught me it is wrong to lie, cheat, and steal.
but you make it too **** easy to lie to you about how I truly feel.