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yv Nov 2018
my heart bleeds
from words that were spoken
which i should never have said

my heart bleeds
from your expression of anguish
and the silence hanging in the air

yet you still smiled
and held my hand
as if you didn't  hear of any of those words i said

thank you,
for accepting my unspoken apology
for forgiving me, even when i didn't ask you to
we easily say words that hurt other people
yet when it comes to apologies and confrontations
it'll take a million years, or none at all
yv Jan 28
I missed my chance
To make a wish
It's this time of the day
I find my head
Swarmed with thoughts
But I find no one
To share these to
So all I do
Is to write instead
yv Feb 14
"Are you in love?"

'No, not yet.'

"When do you think you'll fall in love?"

'Come the day I'll learn to love myself.'

"When will that happen?"

'Surely not anytime soon.'

"And why is that?"
yv Nov 2018
The truth is,

        I'll never find someone
        who despises me
        as much as myself

        and I'll never be able
        to let someone love me,
        'cause they said

        "you have to love yourself first,
              before anyone else does"

But what if I'll never do?
A condition I'll never meet
yv Oct 2018
Life is not about
how long you have lived
it's about how well you have lived
even for a short period of time,
and that's how anyone can be young.
yv Nov 2018
I think that
there'll never come a day
that I'll be able to return your love.

Because in order to do so
I have to love myself first.

And that's something
I can't see myself doing
even after a million years.

I'm sorry.
my ❤ ached while writing this
yv Nov 2018
A plant
with jealousy
will only end up
yv Oct 2018
Sometimes all you really need
is a hot cup of coffee
and great company

oh, and music too.
yv May 2019
Why do people love in the first place?
Why do you let yourself get hurt?
In love, it isn't all about solace
You know you'd get hurt, you know it
But you still love anyways

How do you love someone?
Is there a proper way to do so?
Love does not have a guideline
It's one of the things in Earth
Where there's no right or wrong

So why keep putting boundaries?
Why prevent people from happiness?
Let them experience the ache, the pain
For them to realize, to actually realize
Just how lucky they are, to be in love

To be happy
yv Jul 2018
i've never been inlove before
nor have i wanted to.

i have never been the one to dream about love
to want it, and think how lovely it could be.

i have never slept in the a.m.
just so i could to talk to someone
about literally everything and anything

i have never held a man's hand
that wasn't my father's
or my kid brother's

i have never felt so much happiness
so much that my heart could burst

and i've never felt pain like this before
nor have i cried myself to sleep because of a boy

i never thought that receiving a letter or playlist
could be as romantic as all those sappy movies

i have never gotten my heart broken before

until you.
yv Jul 2018
He had fallen in love with a broken girl
in hopes of fixing her, he had stayed.

Never had he thought he'd end up getting broken too.
Who would love a broken girl?
Who could fix a broken girl?

Despite this he had stayed
not so he could fix her but because he would be with her
when she loves herself and picks up her broken pieces.

And she would do the same, for him.
yv Jul 2019
I hate having to beg for attention
But I'm scared of not getting any

I hate that I have to beg for your time
But I have no choice, you're my life line

I hate this feeling of loving alone
But that's how much I love you

So I'll still beg for it anyway
No matter how long it takes
Even if my bones will break
yv Jun 2018
Because we weren't what we used to be anymore
because all I can do for you is to stay by your side
and be someone you can hold onto
while you pick up your broken pieces.

It seems like fate is done with our story.
I'm the only one holding on
and so all that is left is our faded memories.

oh and a mess of me and my broken pieces.
moving on
yv Jul 2018
I am in desperate need of company
i need to talk, and to be heard
i need someone who'll listen to all of my dark thoughts

but hearing these thoughts come with a price
they are not for the weak heart, and nor a weak mind
just watch where you step on, you might crush my heart

you might just cave in the darkness i'm in
just know that i didn't want for this to happen
i beg of you, don't blame this on me
all that i wanted was for someone to love me

i guess the world's just cruel
and we're all left to grovel.
yv Apr 2019
hey i miss you

i really miss you

you *******, *******

I love you

Tears flew downs her cheeks as she turned of her phone.

"I miss you, ******* *******"
she whispered under her breath.
yv Jul 2019
I live in a household
where the only language they speak
yv Jun 2019
Can you still love me when I am a mess? When my tears start to fall and all else goes wrong?

Can you still love me when I fail? When the whole world is going against me?

Can you still love me when you see me, the real me? When you realize that I have a **** ton of heavy baggage?

Will you still love me when I can't even love myself?
yv Jun 2019
At night when I lay on bed
I find myself praying to God
to help me help myself

At night, before I close my eyes
I played music, it filled my ears
it blocked out all the dark thoughts

At night, when it was cold
and I had no one to hold
I cried myself to sleep

As well as the night after that
and the night after that
and the night after  that;
it never stops;
yv Jul 2018
i know this isn't poetry
but i'm tired of
relying too much
on coffee and
sleeping pills
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yv Sep 2019
it ***** when you're sad and the tears won't ******* fall like **** let me cry out my guts and my feelings

I don't want to feel numb and void of emotions, let me feel anything at all because not feeling anything scares me more than being depressed
yv Jun 2019
I fell too deep
Never got back up
It's too late for me

Go save yourself
yv Jun 2019
I cried at your poetry
I cried at your words
I cried at how sad it seemed
I cried at your emotions
I cried at how dark it seemed
I cried at your poetry
I cried at its duality
I cried at its beauty and harsh reality
yv Sep 2019
At the end of the day
there'll be a beautiful sunset
waiting for you

Right afterwards
the sky will be painted black
with twinkling stars for comfort

But then the clouds start to cover them
Blocking your view, and the demons
they appear again in your head

It's past midnight: early a.m
you have no idea
why you feel how you do

You just lay there alone
with vicious thoughts running around
as the tears slowly start to fall

From your cheeks to your nose
and your clothes even got wet
and you run out of breath

You try not to make a sound
because no one should know
it won't be any good for anyone

Until you fall asleep
and hope to have a good dream
but still you fail to be happy

Even in your sleep
not a hint of joy to be found
only this pounding feeling in your chest

And then you hear the alarm sounding off
As your eyes open you see darkness
The same ceiling you stared crying to sleep

It took every ounce to get out of bed
to face a new day
and be miserable inside

As the sunrise comes
we have to pretend once again
how can I stop this feeling?
I hate you @ self
yv Jul 2019
I just want to get out
for a while from reality
and into your arms
feeling your warmth

I just want a hug
in this rainy weather
a short break from it all
all I ask for is a cuddle
Away from all kinds of toxicity
yv Nov 2018
insecurities insecurities
feeding on my mind
insecurities insecurities
are my company at times.

they say that jealousy jealousy
jealously's a crime
is it really that bad
to want something to be mine?

i am breaking breaking
breaking inside
yet i'm putting up a
a facade full of lies

everyone promises promises
that it'll be alright
all that they're telling me telling me
is false hope and white lies.

it is keeping me keeping me
awake through the night
it is killing me killing me
slowly inside.

can't you see can't you see?
insecurities eating me alive.
dear mister insecurity
won't you just leave me to peacefully die?
My fragile state of mind
yv Jun 2019
I am empty,
Trying to squeeze out words
To make a poem that is loved
At the same time hated

A poem that is loved
Because of its familiar sound
A poem that is hated
Because of the reality it portrays

I am empty,
Empty of love
Trying to fill up my heart
Only ending up void again

Again. Here we go again
This feeling of emptiness
Never quite sure
Of one's own emotions

Stranger. Who are you?
It's as if they were strangers
Not knowing what she loves
What she hates,  what she wants

She is her own stranger,
A different person each day
And each day again
That stranger felt empty
yv Jul 2018
I guess I got too used to
how you used to use me
that I didn't notice
when you stopped needing me

I guess I was stupid
for thinking that you loved me
but all you did was take advantage of me

I guess I'll just keep guessing
on what I did wrong
or where it went wrong

And I guess all I can say
is that ******* for ruining me
'cause I really did love you
yv May 2019
Everyone seems to be so happy
I just can't have myself ruining it
Because of my heavy baggage
That's the least I can do
Darkness isn't something to be shared
So I write poetry instead
yv Jul 2019
Always stuck in between,
between being a kid
        and growing up
between being grateful
        and wanting more

I'm always stuck in between,
        but somehow never stuck
        in your heart, your mind
                                  your soul

You were always stuck in mine
Whether you wanted to or not
yv Jun 2019
The words I love you
Were said too much
It lost its meaning
yv Jul 2019
When people say that
they got you always
but end up ditching you
in the dust, makes me realize
how I really only have
myself to rely on
yv Mar 2019
You said
It was happy being with me
but as you got to know me
You left

we're worlds apart
just like in this poetry
yv Oct 2018
At times we crave for attention
at other times we crave for appreciation
but at the end of the day,
I think all we really want is for love.
yv Jul 2018
I want someone who hugs me from behind.
I want someone who'll kiss me on my forehead before my lips.
I want someone who loves me without really knowing why.
I want someone who I can be myself with.
I want someone who makes me laugh with their own laughter.
I want someone who'll go with all of my craziness.
I want someone I can never have.
I want all of it.
I want you.
yv Jul 2018
The world is just full of crazy people
to act sane
I know there are demons inside you
yv Jul 2018
because I don't know you anymore
where I am in you
where I belong

It feels like treading on shattered glass
I don't know where to stand or where to go
and so the blood keeps dripping
and all that'll be left are scars on my feet
oh and i guess on my heart too
yv Oct 2018
Today when the sun was setting,
                          I ran into a friend
whom I haven't seen in a long time.
As the cold air blows, I stopped in my tracks.
And he just p a s s e d me by.

I was a stranger - to someone I considered
                             - a friend.

And it hurt. I was a stranger to him.
Like the memories we shared
               - got taken away by the winds.
This made me feel
the cold breeze up until my nape.

And when the sun finally set,
At least the moon
              - shined brightly to comfort me.
Yet it still made me remember
the memories we shared under it.
Was I really forgotten? Or Ignored?
yv Sep 2018
i can't hear my own voice
only the voices in my head
i'm losing myself, i don't know

      i've met many people
that act like they care
like they know me
they think can save me
they know nothing at all

      These feelings they
  eat me
    tear me
      hurt me
        b r e a k    me

i forgot what it felt like to live
i was gone in a world that i made
          - a world for my
            e s c a p e.
i'm numb and cease to exist and fret and fret and fret
save me
yv Jun 2019
You keep throwing
words in the

a i r

and I keep blocking them out

these worthless words of yours
It won't bring me down

wait and see
the power of your words
It'll weigh you              instead

burn you to the ground
only until ashes remain
wait and see
yv Jul 2019
I've got to ****
My insecurities
Before it kills me
yv Jul 2019
She writes him letters
that he'll never read
letters that speak of her heart
letters that she'll forever keep
and expect her heart will weap
for that boy she always writes about
yv Aug 2019
I found something
wilst looking in your eyes,
a reflection of myself
looking happy

Made me think
"I finally found my home,
where I belong"

At long last
yv Jun 2019
How have you been?
Are you all right?
I look at the night sky and think of you
I listen to songs that remind me of you

Are you doing fine?
Have you eaten yet?
I passed by your favourite restaurant today
I watched the first movie we saw together

I wonder how the stars look up there
Do they look different up close?
How have you been?
Because I've been missing you since
yv Jul 2019
can I rest my head
on your shoulder
and fall asleep
in your arms
my dear?
I just want cuddles in this rainy season
yv Oct 2018
It wasn't that I never loved you
It was just that I loved you too much
that I had to let you go.

but you don't really have to know that.
yv Sep 2018
What if the sky wasn't blue
or if I ever discover something new
what if all your promises stayed true
all of your I love you's

What if we look at things at different view
will things change for us to come through?
what if somehow we'll make do
and maybe meet again at our rendezvous

Maybe if we stayed true and knew
that someday sunrises will be our view
there's no need to read into
just hold my hand and whisper sweetly

I love you
yv Aug 2019
I don't
even have
the guts
to ask
for love
yv Jul 2018
I am in love with a man
whose heart is taken,
yet he does not know of it yet.
what a concept
yv Apr 2019
He is someone out of reach
But somehow my heart insists

In his heart it does not exist
A place for my love to preach

It makes me smile: the sight of him
It's tingling my feelings within

Oh can you please just notice me?
With a sincere heart I plead
yv Jul 2019
I'm okay
is by far the
most often
lie I tell
and it's also
the lie that
always gets
me caught
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