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 Jan 2015 Bonnie
Sadie S
I looked for love inside your eyes.
What I saw almost made me blind.

I saw a stranger.
He was cold, distant, evil, and revolting.
I looked for love inside your eyes.

Who am I that you are unable to make love to me?
Why do I feel as if I am not here with you?
Do I matter?

I am just a toy in this filthy play.
Not a human worth of tender and devotion.
Where are you?
How did I lose you?

As the years pass by
The monster inside your eyes becomes clearer to me.

You think I am just over reacting.
How can I warm to eyes that are making hate to someone else instead of making love to me.

I've found where you are.
I've seen the pictures.
As graphic as can be.
I now know what i takes to turn you on.
Women....people like me.
Tortured, humiliated,used and hated.
All these images burned into your brain.

Did you ever imagine (at age 12)
The first time your seen a ****** photo.
That you were dooming every aspect of intimacy.
Breaking the heart of someone you'd love.

If it all stopped here.
I could bear it.
Instead you brought the evil in and continued to feed it.
As I looked for love inside your eyes.

Hands printed, hair pulled
Looking the age of thirteen years old.
A simple photo
A simple video
Controling reality, distorting the woman in exaggerated *******.
As I looked for love inside your eyes.

The evil eyes
Windows of a broken soul.
Warped by the lens into the background of your phone.

Souls never matter
Only bodies do
To those me. Who consume it (just like you)
A image burned inside your brain.
A image I see everytime I close my eyes.

When does it end?

I can tell you this.
It has not ended.
It has eaten you up.
It spreads like cancer.
Can you feed off of hatred and anger?
Can you break free and learn to love?

You say words.
Just full of excuses.
Feeding your soul on poisen.

If only you could see what I see.
If only you could feel what I feel.

**** has destroyed our relationship.
Tell me.
Was it worth it??
1-16-15
 Jan 2015 Bonnie
Phoenix Rising
I am insane.
but I am not insane in just anyway.

I am completely sane.

I crave insanity.
Bad turns me on.
I am obsessed with the idea of a sociopath.
I want to never hold back words and actions.
Selfishness is ****.
But I will never be that way.
It's all I've ever wanted.
Was to be insane.
 Jan 2015 Bonnie
Kataleya
Love her like
She's the raging sea,
Unrestrained and dark and deep.
And you crave her touch
Through aching pores
As you slowly drown in sleep.

Love her like
She's the tender storm,
A lovely shade of grey.
Like with every whiff
Of breath she takes,
She's taking yours away.

Love her like
She's the silent clouds
With calmness floating by.
Like you'd want to make
Sweet love to her
Under the moon's apocalyptic eye.

Love her like
She's the blazing fire,
And you lust the candied pain.
Like she's the disease
That swallowed you whole
And you'd like to die again.

When her gentle touch
Makes your chest explode,
And your addiction is your girl.
Promise you'll love her
Through hell and back,
Or don't you dare love her at all.
 Jan 2015 Bonnie
RF
Gay
 Jan 2015 Bonnie
RF
Gay
If I wasn't gay would people care?
Would they actually let me breath the same air?
Could I actually go to school,
without people being so cruel?
Could I live in a world with no hate?
Maybe people would love me if I was straight.
It's not as easy as people think.
I can't just go to a shrink.
I didn't choose to be this way.
You really think I'd want to be gay?
I don't want attention,
I don't want fame.
This isn't some sort of game.
I am who I am and thats okay.
Most people don't see it that way.
I only wish I could be the same.
To have a wedding and it not be shamed.
I want to have kids and not be judged.
I don't want my reputation smudged.
But apparently I'm different now.
Sick in the head somehow.
Therapy and shock treatment for something that can't be fixed.
How did I get put into this mix?
Toxic and tragic,
that's my life.  
It's like I was stabbed in the back with a knife.
I'm gay,
what's wrong with that?
I get treated like some rat.
Using your holy books and your religion.
To fight against something that makes no difference.
I want to be a human not a punching bag.
Always getting called a ***.
Let that word have power and it gets to you.
But that words as good as whatever is stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I love being this way.
I don't care what you say.
 Jan 2015 Bonnie
Eli Smith
His hands
 Jan 2015 Bonnie
Eli Smith
His hands were always gentle

Never moved too fast

Never made me uncomfortable

Never hurt me

His hands could also be strong

He held me as I wept

Wiped the tears away

Wiped the bad away

Wiped the world away.

He fought of advances of others set to destroy me.

He had done everything he could to save me.

With his hands he fought off swords, knives, guns.

He protected me.

His hands me at my worst.

His hands held me at my best.

His hands never let me fall, they fit perfectly in mine.

With him time speeds up and slows down

Time is irrelevant when he is around.

I could spend eternity wrapped in his arms, lost in conversation.

His hands have held those before me.

His hands have held the woman he loved as she took her last breath.

His hands made sure he’d never loose me.

His hands held me as if I was a novelty,

a precious jewel that he could not afford to lose.

He kept me close.

His hands know how to slow down my heartbeat or speed it up.

His hands know scars,

Know bruises,

Know causes,

Know triggers,
Know pain.
 Jan 2015 Bonnie
oni
Untitled
 Jan 2015 Bonnie
oni
she had been
stabbing herself
with her own knife
until he took it from her

and right as she believed
that he was trying to help
he handed her a larger one
and said,
"here, try this one"
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