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 Oct 2016 Thomas EG
miles
my name.
 Oct 2016 Thomas EG
miles
hi.
i don't know my name,
i've forgotten her again.
she's a stranger in an alleyway.
she's reaching for me.
and her soft, fragile hands;
with rose fingernails,
wrap around my throat and squeeze.
she's the young girl i used to be.
thick, dark eyelashes and a petite frame.
she wears cherry flavored lip gloss.
her long, blonde hair drowns me.
i cut my way free from the yellow rope.
her locks lay at my feet in chunks.
she wails in despair,
i dig my scissors into her gut,
and she bleeds pepto pink blood.

hi.
i don't know my name,
i've killed her again.
a ghost rises from her corpse.
he's reaching for me.
and his rough, calloused hands;
with scraped knuckles,
strokes my hair and hugs me tight.
he resembles my late father,
dark hair and scruff on his chin.
exhausted, sea-colored eyes.
he washes the blood from my hands.
he wraps the girl in a garbage bag,
douses her in gasoline,
and sets fire to the plastic.

hi.
i don't know my name,
but you can call me miles.
i'm tired of hiding and pretending.
i'm reaching for you,
and my shaking, ***** hands;
with scars and bruises,
i ask you to listen and understand.
i am transgender male.
homemade haircuts,
and thrifted boys' clothes.
i will never be a son to my mother,
and my house will never be a home.
but you all are my family,
and your support will keep me warm.
 Oct 2016 Thomas EG
apollota
When he was four,
he tried to write a poem
and named it "Happy"
because he was happy.
He had a new toy
and new paints.

When he was nine,
he tried to write another
and named it "Confused"
because that's what he was.
He had questions about his body,
but couldn't find the answers.

When he was thirteen,
he wrote another
and named it "Scared"
because that's how he felt.
His body was changing
and he didn't like it.

When he was Fifteen,
he wrote a different poem
and named it "Knowledge"
because that's what he gained.
He knew what was wrong,
so he told them his new name.

When he was eighteen,
he wrote a new one
and named it "Ghost"
because that's what he was.
Nobody respected him,
his pronouns were never heard.

So when he turned twenty,
he wrote his final poem
and named it "Boy"
because that's what he always was.
He taped it to his door
and danced from his ceiling fan.
2016-08-21
----
This poem is very special to me.
I hope someone out there understands what I meant to say.
----
 Oct 2016 Thomas EG
a t l a s
god i wish i had some semblance of a redeeming quality.
i am just reused parts, recycled traits that i thought looked good on other people and wanted to try on for myself.
i wish i was the original "quirky" but i am different in a normal way, or perhaps normal in a different way.
i am all sad eyes and bleeding hearts, a self-proclaimed sensitive soul.
(i'm sure theres thousands.)

some days, i am on top of the world.
i scream conceited, the only thing that phases me is the world's inability to recognize my greatness.
i dont hate myself, i hate the world for not fitting around me the way i want it to.
my invitation just came and i'm honestly ecstatic
 Oct 2016 Thomas EG
a t l a s
"you're a boy? but you look like a girl."
graces my ears too often for it to be innocent anymore.
some days i wish the word woman didn't make me cringe
i wish i didn't have to tell teacher after teacher,
"i know what it says in attendance, but my name is atlas and my pronouns are he/him i'm depending on you not to ***** up, i need this to feel normal, please don't make me feel invalid like all my efforts to erase the young lady i was expected to be at birth will never amount to anything more than a teenager's attempt to be 'different'"
i think sometimes i hate my mind more than my body, because it's the one that does the screaming.
 Oct 2016 Thomas EG
aar505n
I will hear the Swan's song soon.
Pale, as the moon shines.
A fading shade and then gone.

My feathers will become fossils.
My bones will become relics.
My memory will become heirlooms to be pass down.

What more could I desire to leave behind?
When this fire goes out, do not doubt.
The ashes shall preserve my bittersweet leftovers

Standing as a haunting reminder to all
More ghostly than any ghost
That I shall survive for as long as there are those who remember

And that is it.
Remember me as I fade into the darkness
 Sep 2016 Thomas EG
aar505n
It's a slow dimming within
It's a slow dulling of the senses
I must pay the consequences
Of my recklessness

I have lost my shine
Lost control of my spotted mind
Couldn't preform the role required
In this fake and tainted world - ain't that sad?

I will be good when I'm gone
And that's the sad truth about youth
All your trying gets you crying
When every step cuts and bleeds your feet
- Why would you walk?

My best intentions are not considered by The Fates - Tragedy at its purest

I wish Mankind could be kinder
I wish Solitude liked me
I wish I wasn't me
Dehumanizing the self
Sometimes I think of her
as I am pursued by him.
When do you know to ask a woman out?
When is the line from friendly chat to potential dating material
moved?
I'd have liked to think my past could clarify situations like this-
but I am oblivious, haven't the foggiest.
The testosterone has provided a thick mist of confusion, a smog, its flooded my brain, nothing will ever be the same.
A barrier between myself and my most protected feelings.

Sure, I'd kiss him, it'd probably feel nice,
but I'd like to spend more time talking to her,
really talking.
If *** was an experience in making love
if we ran out of conversation
and wanted our bodies to fill in the rest.
If it just felt good to be close to somebody.
 Sep 2016 Thomas EG
aar505n
Where am I going?
What's there that's not here?

Here is now.
And now is gone.

But I'm still here
And not there.
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