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VACUUM CLEANER TANGO

---Lyrics by Jonathan Caswell

(Some misspellings are due to rhythm keeping)



The Vac…cuum Clea…ner Tango,

Is like…a juicy…mango,

Those fi…bers will…entangle

Your teeth or brushes, pretty quick!



The girls…who do…the cleaning,

Are ev…ver so…well-meaning,

To move…around…guys leaning,

That watch…and approve…the show!



Plugs must…be changed…more frequently,

If lon…ger hallways…decently,

Are cleaned…the most…expediently,

It’s all…a part of…the dance!



The vac…cuum clea…ner tango,

A dai…ly chore…is wrangled,

By clea…ners star…spangled,

Perfor…ming it with…extra class!
Julie Grenness Jan 2017
It's housework time again,
Should I hit the gin?
Time to vac.,
More dust in the sack,
Whoops, missed a bit,
This vac gives me the blip,
Now it's time for teacups,
Job done, ****** it up!
Feedback welcome.
laura Nov 2018
subtle and solemn undertones
she’s becoming a no-vac mom
stars and pyramids have fates
designed for each of us,
schemes and snake oil posing
as natural herbs and curing
the werewolf of decaying intellect
the true nature of blissful ignorance
HP is lame and filtering all my recent poems as explicit lol
nick armbrister Jul 2021
Coined Up
Maybe we will all be dead in 6 months
Due to being jabbed up with the vac
Which was to stop the CCP Virus
But it backfired due to the mushrooms
Which are a toxin and **** in many ways
Only the rabid anti vaccers will live
In a kaos driven world of lunatix
Do you want to exist then and there?
Toss a coin get a jab wait and see
Chuck Jun 2013
Mow the lawn
Clean the garage
Pick up the poo
Fold the laundry
Wash the car
Vac the floors
Fix the sink
Paint the trim
Love me forever
Be a good dad
Be happy

Can do!
Well three out of eleven "ain't" bad.
Jack Turner Dec 2012
The day before the trip is one where I'm up early - like today.
I've got to go get my oil changed and have the fluids checked.
Next up is to gas up and fill the tires up to *****.

Take a break to relax and smell the coffee - medium roast - and a bagel with cream cheese.

Back at it withe the planning and the finding:
     A hotel to stay in
     The chains for the tires
     The clothes needed...
     The clothes I will sleep in.

It's all there and packed up, stacked up by the door.
Time to load up the car.
Tomorrow we're headed for the snow.

Empty the car first of all my junk and trash.
I can't believe how much has piled up and been left.
Maybe let's take out the floor mats and lets definitely use the shop-vac.
Spray in some Febreeze... a couple extra squeezes...
And then squeeze the Windex and wipe all the glass and surfaces clean.

Finally time now to lean the back seat down.
Toss in one bag and then the next.
Stack it, stack it, stack.
One more, two more, there's the last.
Close up the door, lock it, it's time for one more rest.
Tomorrow we're headed for the snow.
matt d mattson Nov 2012
Gunshot
Screaming
People fleeing
Viscera
Blood
Squirming flesh
Ashen face and wild eyes
Gasp!
And silence.
No surprise
Pump
Pump
Pump
Flex the arms
Expand and breathe
Pop
Crack
Break the ribs
Pop
Crack
Pump the chest
Spit and hack
Rescue Vac
Place and Squeeze
Hold the head and
Breathe
Breathe
Breathe
*****
Phlegm
Thick sputum
Dark veins
Pale skin
Fixed eyes
Flat line
Dead
nick armbrister Jul 2021
Shadow Lies
The dead must laugh at how silly we are
For most of us will soon join them
Due to being jabbed up with the vacc
To cure the world of the CCP Virus
And de-populate the planet for them
Them who run the world behind the scenes
We only see shadows and hear lies
And countdown till we all die
The clock in the vac is ticking
Will you go and die before me
Time to go now see you soon
Colin E Havard Mar 2014
And the zephyr teases,
Tossing to-and-fro saplings fresh'
Which tantalise the Currawong, cowering its call,
And glistening crystalline on dewy morn's.
---------
You *****,
You moan'
You complain,
And you whinge.
---------
Hello,
Can I help you?
Or, better still, can you help me?!?
I've lost my mind,
Though I'm never sure I possessed it;
And if I did - I regret its escape.
---------
The pretentious poverty of money -
They think they look good, but what's really funny
Is the narcissistic approach that they tackle life -
Like everything is owed and nothing earnt;
Lucky to live amid so few excursions into reality.
---------
240 volt vac, attached to one's ball-sack
Jaw slack until the power is racked -
Up goes your nuts and voice pitches
To new dimensions, shrill and pre-pubescent.
Tears that masculinity denies appear in the corner
Of eyes steeled, and vacantly appreciative.
---------
You, my friend, can kiss my ****,
The **** you speak is but a farce -
Unrelated to the life we realise, experience;
Alien to any who maintain their conscience.
10/10/2002
Mardi Grass-E-****. Hola! Earlwood
JWolfeB Jun 2014
Please forgive me

Hello there, looks like were here again, playing the same instrument, with the same breathe.... Awkward if you think about it considering I have not talked to you in a couple years. I know I wrote the last poem in complete hate, disgust, and well to be honest I really just don't enjoy your existence on the dirt we share. I don't share well with the selfish. But I kind of have some empathy for you. I feel for the unfortunate disposition placed upon your life. Your parents ****** more than a shop vac that was built to **** down unholy spirits. This could be something to learn from because we can't call the ghost busters every time the air gets *****. I want to clear the air between us. What I wanted to tell say to the man who donated ***** to my mother, hung around a few years to long and stained the life of a new white tee shirt, is thank you. Thank you for my showing up to any of my sports events, I know you would have enjoyed them too much. Thank you for never staying in my life more than a year, my eyes can only handle looking at your deflated life for so long. I really want to thank you for leaving when I was 3 years old, not for leaving me and my brother alone, we always had her, thank you sir for dropping my mother like a faulty Walkman with no batteries, she is an iPod with an unparalleled playlist that you never got to hear. Thank you for not listening to the way she loved my brother and I, she spoke soliloquies with a harp in her throat, piano keys for teeth and a heart made out of everything she picked up after you left. So thank you for not being selfish and letting us have her all to ourselves. I'm sorry I have hated you for so long, it just took a while for my eyes to adjust in the dark, then I realized I was in the shade. Thank you for your genes. I can drink like a fish, I'm balding at twenty two, and my second toe is longer than my big toe. Now I'm not complaining one bit, because those are the same genes that gave me this heart that wakes up and feels everyday the earth rotates, the ability to smile from ear to ear painting a canvas full of alright teeth, and last but not least you gave me the genes to forgive you. So thank you Jack Binschus, in my eyes, you are not that bad of a guy. yes, maybe you are selfish, addicted to any substance that will wet your beak, and have tunnel vision in a broken mirror showing nothing but images of you. I will never call you father, or dad, or tell you I love you, but I will tell you that the pallet in my chest that has painted pictures of hate against your everything is clean. I'm over you. We can move on, you can now live in peace not ever knowing that I forgive you.
This is the sequel to the poem "You Sir". Written about my father form a different mind set.
kirk Nov 2017
All the classic adverts a lot of them are missed
Adverts that are made today the producers must be ******
They're nothing like the classic ads I'm afraid I must resist
There isn't any flare or finesse so please would you desist
The same adverts are always shown there's no surprise or twist
Adverts are not liked these days I hope you get the gist
Your all just sitting there with you ***** clutched in your fist
Messing up your nice pressed suits with a swift one of the wrist
New adverts bore you to tears but it's all that you enlist
Cos your making more backhanders it's why you still persist
Stop relying on the sponsors we know there **** is kissed
And take particular notice of the old ones on this list

A skeleton with video tapes told us how its gonna be
Re-record not fade away with Scotch's lifetime guarantee
Whiskers was the food of choice according to the stats
It was preferred by at least eight out of ten cats
Noodle Doodle twisted spaghetti into motor cars and houses
He twisted it into butterflies and eek noodle doodle mouse's
A hippo made a fruity drink way down in the Congo
He danced a dainty tango and a rhino called it Um Bongo
There was only one Tea that could make you go OO!
Sue Pollard and Frankie Howard found out with Typhoo
But those little Tetley Tea Folk know without a doubt
That 2000 perforations would let the flavour flood out
You knew what to do to put the freshness back
Every time you vacuumed and did the Shake and Vac
Don't wake up and go to town use the one all over smell
Insignia's shampoo and deodorant, aftershave and shower gel
Jeremy had a roaring toothache again he liked to many treats
he could have had a crocodile smile without eating sweets
She was the Right One she would skate to get it there
Nicollete Sheridan delivered Martini anytime anyplace anywhere
A second class ticket to Dottingham a misunderstanding caper
Tunes could make you breath more easily with its Menthol vapour
Milk in every half pound one chunk lead to another
With a glass and a half for every Dairy Milk lover
Muhammad Ali and Benny Hill knew their coming fate
They watched out with a Humphrey about, drinking Unigate

If your into protection with your Mate's or a Durex
You'd get that rubber feeling during penetrative ***
Unless your like Fred Brewster and Geronimo was there
A friend that was washable and like an inner tube to wear

A chocolate bar sang about everybody's case of the Fruit and Nut
David Rappaport could tell it was Tizer when his eyes where shut
Kia Ora's to orangey for crows, it was just for him and his dog
Spuds wanted to be Smiths Crisps and not an average Joe Blog
Bars Iron Brew from Girders the Scottish people like
A second thought at junctions think once think twice think bike
You Crossed your heart for a better figure with a Playtex Bra
The Renualt Clio had a certain flair for Nicole and Papa
Flowers delivered from Interflora making your day bright
It was a taste to make you shine ohhh ohhh Vitalite
Sainsbury's world war one solders shared and called a truce
Maynard's Wine Gums set the juice loose aboot the hoose
Why would you have cotton when Galaxy was silk?
It was cool for cats when you woke up to Milk
The man from Del Monte loved fresh fruit so he said Yes
Frosty's where Grrreat, Tony Tiger expected nothing less
But Esso was the only petrol with a tiger in the tank
A galloping black horse was the icon for Lloyds bank

Its your life with Tampax you jumped around and skated
Jack Dee had John Smiths, was his Widget overrated ?
Flowers where given on Impulse hoping the ladies dated
Mr Soft loved Trebor mints a strange world was created
Flake was the Crumbliest chocolate was that understated?
Marmite was the kind of spread you loved or even hated
Michelin Man was made of tyres he was rubber weighted
A family always had there diner, with Oxo it was plated

Castlemain Four X wouldn't give anything else, Australians would preach
Unless you where Paul Hogan and Fosters Amber Nectar he would teach
But Heineken would refresh the parts other beers could not reach
Strongbow was strong straight and true made from apple and not peach
Broad at the shoulders slim at the hips Big Bad Dom Domestos Bleach
The Jolly Green Giant loved Sweet corn with his ** ** ** speech

Please broadcast something good, instead of all your trash
There is No Cornetto's from Italy! none shown from this stash
Like Cadburys and Nestle or the robot men from Smash
You had a break with Kit Kat and convenient packet mash
No Dr Whites ***** Pads I don't mean to sound so brash
Where is Castrol GTX or Buzby there's not even a rehash
All Gambling and Insurance Ads tying to get our cash
No concern about the national debt or any loan backlash

Rolf Harris teaching kids to swim in the water they did love it
I bet if they where around today they'd tell old Rolf to shove it
I felt sorry for that poor Churchill dog I admired his endurance
To put up with Rolfs wobble board that isn't much insurance

Jimmy Saville talked of safety he clunked clicked every trip
But Jimmy's mind was somewhere else thinking who he'd like to strip
And British Rail where unaware when he was trying not to slip
With Jims intent with his Railcard to get you in his grip

You may think its controversial, you may think its the wrong call?
I Guarantee the companies thought they where on the ball
I bet these ads are a blot and drive them up the wall
If they'd have known about these guys they wouldn't feel so small
These companies would not have hired Jim or Rolf at all
It doesn't matter if they're the ones who are not standing tall

Why cant new adverts be like the old ones that we had?
What's happened to production why are they so bad?
They are all so boring and there really rather sad
None of them are out there that make you feel so glad
Why do you insist on showing ones that drive us mad
Your viewers are so ******* board more than just a tad
everyone is getting annoyed even our mum and dad
stop showing the new adverts stop ruining our pad

We don't want life insurance or sponsors for every show
We don't want Go Compare adverts, the Gtech can surely go
There are no Classic overtones they've lost that certain glow
Its boring seeing the same adverts shown in the same row
Phone commercials are not wanted it may be quite a blow
Loans and expensive Sky packages the people should say no
Please would you take some advice stop keeping these in tow
And bring back all the classic ads and stop going with the flow
Twas accursed destiny
     since birth alack
nascent emasculation abominable barrack
emergent deus ex machina,

     viz zit ting older sibling counterattack
thirteen plus chronological gap
    eldest sister struck like diamondback
surrogate "mother" role

     assumed tubby exact
protectorate pseudo fullback
against cruel beastie boys
     bullying barbs

     comeuppance giveback
pummeling spongiform
     gray matter (yours truly)
     fisticuffs she didst highjack

proxy mothering
     kept corporeal essence intact
jilting nefarious nemesis aligned
     (maligning) and stalking,

     this fee-fi-fo-fum
     ordinary bean sized Jack
are runt (arrant) cowardly
     (non lion) nerdy lad owning a knack
courage lack this glum

     older married chap doth adumbrate
     satisfactory accomplishments lack
king, where crazy quilt aimless wandering
     described purposeless multitrack

thus, sympathetic
     to hue men/women nonblack
or decimated aborigines
     once populating Australian outback

existential nihilism would,
     undergirding hypothetical
     unwritten paperback
with little need to prevaricate,
     nor appear as quack

***, one measly **** sapiens,
     who accrued millennial palimpsest zeitgeist
     where, punctured
     disequilibreated psyche dust rack

asper protean (in utero)
     multitudinous setback
soundlessly resonating
     with concussive thwack

as this rickety ship of state
     (a haunted junk ket)
     unwanted emotional ballast to unpack
asseveration, asper assiduously

     preferably welcoming
     dry suction no vac
jar this pawn (knight wannabe
     in his bishop rick) torrid

     me psychological wrack
king within (castle keep)
     complex edifice shackled
     in dungeon with repast constituting.
Ryan O'Leary May 2020
The vaccine existed long
before Covid -19 which
was invented in 2018 and
released in - 19 but didn't
impact until 20/20. If one
has vision you can see that.


Ps.

The Chip is coming.
Refuse vaccine and
you will not be able
to travel, it's a con.
sandra wyllie Feb 2019
Vac
Once you’re ****** into it
it has you. You disappear. You can’t even see you;
you’re miniscule. You become grey,
a collected blob of dust and particles that is

indistinguishable. You have no
individual form. You’re not even a part, a mishmash
of this and that. Maybe you had fallen off
something, or unraveled. You could be mold and flaked

a tiny speck when you became soft. Maybe you
collected in the air, joined the cobwebs up there
as you floated to the ground. It doesn’t matter
now. No one can ever find you.
Ottar May 2014
the shadows hide much in the
early morning light,
tripping through muddy puddles,
slipping on rotten roots,
welcome to the show,
where everything is made up it,
and the points don't matter,

pull out the roots first, wait
better start to toil with the soil,
empty all the dirt onto a tarp,
keep dumping and spilling,
it is a mighty big tarp to catch,
all the dirt and darkness from
that life, use your hands and
open up, give back the grime,
the slime you thought it was your
right to own, be human, empty
and start new, you could call it
a cleansing then add "do as often
as necessary", why so sad?

Oh I see, you say you got some dirt on me,
don't worry don't fret, that is my
dirt, my slime, my grime,
where do you think yours came from?

Shop-vac, paddle lock, give me a cell phone,
This old man ain't goin' home...
anytime soon. Everything is made up
and points don't matter...for it is only you
                                          that matters.
Apologies in advance
Dressed-N-Venom Mar 2016
Behold the Twilight has come
Look at the body snatchers begin to run and take shape
I saw you then but now? You R vac ant
Just another soul snatched
caught in the moment  
A mere glimpse of what was, ran empty
no refill
Help Me put your pieces back together again
Help MeeEE put your PiEceS Back ToGETHheR Again!
Again?????!!!!!
Again!!!??
About four plus weeks after
frazzling fiasco from friggin fraudsters
white knight still mourns swindled money
Lynne Costello Senior Civil Investigator
(assistant to Philadelphia attorney general)
unable to recoup forfeited funds.

While holed up in castle keep,
(albeit fetchodit fuming father
cursing out blimey scamming creep),
I replay nightmarish scenario
that disallows me to sleep
inconsolable tears yours truly doth weep.

Though secular humanist,
nevertheless yours truly (me)
beseeches a higher power
something in the order of

voltages ranging from
115,000 to 230,000 VAC
Voltage Alternating Current
or Extra-High voltages ranging
from 345,000 to 765,000 VAC.

Courtesy malefactor left me bereft
cyber criminal shrewdly,
meticulously, hucksterish antagonistic
online criminal with deft
once again revisiting series of theft
designed warp and weft
traitor to the cause of honesty
wove webbed, whirled wide net
pounced (visualize yourself analogous
recipient of lionize) de León.

I implicate myself aside from bogeyman
being submissive at financial havoc
fake Macbook Pro wizard
posturing as legitimate
Apple computer technician did wreak
more than laptop malfunction, he did tweak.

Any number of "red flags"
clear as day in retrospect
stand out like a sore thumb
with self reproach
and attendant emasculation
"how could I be so dumb,"
not ready to concede desperation
to scrounge around
for every little monetary crumb
when "Que Sera, Sera
(Whatever Will Be, Will Be)."

Resultant severe emotional grip
courtesy financial fallout
fantasy thought arise
regarding being cursed with
purchasing winning Mega-million
and powerball ticket,
hence the following fantasy.

Lucky lottery winner
…and the super powerball
and mega millions jackpot winner is…
from Schwenksville, Pennsylvania.

No way.

This must be some off-season
April fool and/or Halloween trick or treat.

Yea right.

In my dreams.

A voice inside urges
“take another look.”

Yet upon frenziedly staring
(for what seems like an eternity)
at the matching numbers
(per tickets for both
record breaking sweepstakes)
no denying that every numeral
exactly the same as those randomly drawn.

I don’t know whether to cry or scream.

But, if held at pen point and forced
to splutter out how such winnings
would be managed (from mine mouth
to God's ears) such fantasy will be elaborated
within literary exercise
(just for the purposes of this writing contest),
I now let finger flit to and fro,
hither and yon across qwerty keyboard.

Though a pauper, no ambition
could goad me to live like a king.

The immediate step would be
to seek professional top-notch guidance
from a sterling gold reputable investment banker.

He or she to be a staunch advocate
of wise management
sans such substantial windfall.

Consent to be given for a chunk
to be divested into high yield
money market funds with a modicum of risk.

Other dollops off currency denouement
elected to be doled into
on demand personal funding accounts.

A suitable proportion thence hedged
toward monies for thee spouse and
two darling daughters.

Said wife would be awarded ample chunk
to meet her present
and future financial needs and/or wants.

Since she tends to be tempted
to spend any cash on her purse (son)
plus pose (on bended knee) plaintive pleas
for this husband to drain his meager resources,
a ceiling limit incorporated
within said deposited arrangement.

Each progeny (both charming young women)
established with academic, catastrophic, exotic…
healthy portfolios.

Upon reaching age of twenty-one
release of full access to aforementioned bonds,
dormant fiduciary interest bearing,
known, noteworthy
Yankee Doodle dandy legal tender.

Even though total claim to do as they wish
with apportioned denominational millions.

A caveat will include disallowing banal,
flagrantly haphazardly spent (even though
exercising a spending spree not illegal),
the contractual obligation affixing
each offspring will witness the forfeiture
from fathers’ instantaneous famed fortune.

Self imposed restrictions viz electronic mechanisms
(probably at least one computer software application
(probably dashed off by kindergartner during recess)
will bar this fanciful papa
to blithely act frivolously,
yet a predetermined
monthly allotment made accessible.

No spending spree will occur sans yours truly
until bulwark of allocation, dedication, gratification…
securely settled analogous
to digital electronic gatekeepers,
which strategy (affording truckload of dollars
to appease capitalistic cravings)
still replete with common cents paid out
to select charities and non-profit organizations.

These agencies to focus on animal welfare
of genus and species besides **** sapiens,
eco-friendly.

Environmental utilities, educationally
non-discriminatory colleges/universities,
and other copasetic, democratic, ecologic,
holistic, non-partisan opportunistic
politically welcome think tanks.
(not that ye wondered,
but simply tubby like totally tubularly clear
The Epic of Gilgamesh will not be extolled here).

Though thoroughly well mapped, parsed,
     scrutinized vibrant wonders zoom
plethora, sans newly discovered life forms
     cradled with fecund Gaia's womb
abound within unlikely places

     such as mossy bearded faces
     nestling, pronouncing,
     and regaling pharaohs sarcophagus tomb
oceanographers also find organic entities
     adorning, kickstarting,

     and thriving within extremely
     remote temperature zones,
     where just enough telly tubby wiggle room
prevails for microscopic
     Verizon patronizing Grand Poobah

     barking orders unicellular viziers heed,
     while latter bedecked
     with itty bitty plume
invisible to the naked eye, yet within
     subatomic world wide web

     bit players air heir loom
appearing larger
     then cereal grain re: life,
     an arrogant, bumptious, and conceited Don
     doth trump his young

     unbridled, reprobate, and ornery baron as groom
material to check mate
     distracted checkered populace,
     where raucous, rebellious, riotous
     majority lumpenproletariat fuss and fume

cuz gaudy Mar-a-Lago hiss poe tate
     tow headed (faux towering
     Taj Mahal doppelganger),
     via slow vac didst **** socialist rowdy
bot tinny Rajah,

     whose apprenticeship to exhume
(pro bone know) spy bots
     miserably condemned from the get go
     as president erupted rabidly trying to doom
rousing, scenting, and trawling

     non-convincing "witch hunt,"
     yet incontrovertible evidence carelessly
     swept hurriedly under the rug
     (by Russ Shins) via broom,
thus a sudden spike

     visa vis master card er...
     comeuppance will bring ringleader down
     with strep away poison
     nano trumps all abloom.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Now in summer re:
     this Dom minion doth attest
intention to write
     a boot equinox got out best
head, although pleasurable
     to loose imagination off chest

so thank you for
     letting me be a cerebral guest
and now...no dilly dallying,
     cuz another writing assign
     requires responding
     to Matthew Scott Harris's behest!
Jeannie Bianca Mar 2019
Am tired of the noise
It was so much better at school
I had purpose
I had friends
I had tests
I had boys who wanted a taste
Now it's vac
And am back
Back home
To the poverty
The yelling
And the stress
All the demons I tried to forget
They're here to haunt me

Am tired
You told me I was young
Too young to drive
To young to try
To young to try
To smoke ****
To stay out late
To play too hard
To get laid
But now all of a sudden
An old enough
To make these choices
These hard decisions
To leave home
To get into college
To be ALL grown up

Am tired
But as you can tell
Am not really tired
Am afraid
Am terrified
I just wish I was in high school again
Am tired.
For when you're afraid and you don't know who to ask for help
Preface: hide who attest
mine poetry may not be zee best
boot to wicks press,
     one dum minted whoosh,
     aye gently imp pull ****
     eyes zing from chest...
tug *** a lee till bitta chump change
     boot an over
     powering literary force
     to pocket earning e'en

     for a mud hest grange
(hmm...who knows maybe
     formerly owned
     by Jessica Lange,
thence might ease silly
     colt heave hate
     my bow vined financial range,
     cuz this har chap
     (decades older than
     average college student –

     an insignificant “NON FAKE”
     dare re: free fact),
which dirt poor status
     aye trump pet as
     newt so strange.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
noel hunger asp hire for:
hub bridged over River x Kwai zee version
re: GAINFUL EMPLOYMENT QUEST  
though still subtitled
(bah jaw edge, deface value
of dis washed out buck.)

Let this dog gone prime mate
     ova simian sketch out
     his general doggerel to free
     unleashing a swiftly tale lord
     of the flies - harried styled
     brush stroke strengths
retracting in sanity claws,
     which cha still

     might find me
     barking up wrong tree
arf find yarself cat
     a tonic taking a nap -
     inland of doctor ah zee
     akin to a termite
     expending her/his energy
     thru wood to bore
sear chin faw income

     an arduous slo
     vac book king chore,
thus, i spruce quest more
or less Asian non-
     conformist poetic poor
je ne sais quois lacking a roar
re: boar re Alice
     sin wonderland score

ring low marks de jour
no to entertain
     as minimumalist NON lore
real and hence...whoosh into
     circular filing cabinet
     ye will store
this non-formal
     un axed faw reap ply,

     which doomed communique
     will n'er take cyberspace tour.
Pixar could nada pay enough
     for this trainer
     of apple chomping antz
thus, i wonder if any chance
     whisker of employment
vis a vis this contrived

     virtual “FAKE” toy story
     qua ratatouille poetic brew
could materialize opening
     virtual community chest
     into a likely
     monopoly winning chance
such an idea generates me
     to shrek out with

     excitement n contra dance
just in case a glimmer
     of some prospect exists
for this self anointed bard,
     and one who dislikes formality
    nonestablishmentarian presents
     brief poo whet tick summation,
     sans technical skills,

     he hopes to enhance
p'raps earn enough moolah
     to sight see Arc d'Triumph,
     Louvre, Paris France i offer
     the following poetic expression
     for ye to take a glance
and help this
     intuitive **** sapiens

     income to expand and en-hance,
which byte size
     bit torrent humor
     without strong arm, nor lance
     might cause ye to prance
away after misinterpreting
     mishmash rave as rants
mainly part time need
     motivates prose ache stance

     a subtle intent worth hiring,
     deuce sway au currant series
     binary electronic charge
and ideally affect hypnotic trance.
I betcha never red a blue per
     poe sting like this faux
     iambic pentameter electronic wire
awe third by boyish

     looking blood muggle
     father up in years,
     (whose nonpareil courage
     to face voldemort
     never does tire)
and alas two grown girls, would NEVER
     consider him a worthy hire
to rake in gobs of legal tender,

     vroom to satiate unquenchable
     game of thrones hunger    
     asthma thirst qua
     knowledge iz Saul powerful
for raw bits of
     computer know how
     or general learning took choir.
(alternately titled: ma bell heave hubble
telecommunications gone south).

Best sung courtesy rotten dull liver:red worst
after words which, I gotta quench mine thirst
whereby think Botox lips zipped and pursed
hence impossible linkedin mission Mary Jane
and Buster Brown kisser **** it result socked
hermetically resigned, resealed and cursed.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Atheistic credo fuels (fossil)
jeremiad ordaining undevout
finds me cybersurfing phishing
for poetic effort to tout
March sixth tooth house sand twenty two
presents reasonable rhyming lit writ scout
herewith risk averse longfellow
on his figurative er... route
along information superhighway.

Netizen (generic and garden variety) Cain
not, nor able to don virtualtourist Lausanne
guise, nor Kiev hen twitter among Ukraine
literati earlier today (aforementioned date)
afflicting me courtesy GMO webbed strain
iambic phantom metered node hissing drain
analogous to evaporating Lake Pontchartrain.

Cuz unwitting byte size complicit accessory ghost
haunts micro electronic components machine most
culpable, feasible, n invisible Internet Protocol host
laryngeal mucous phlegm wreaks (think) burnt toast
esophageal acid reflux analogous metaphor, I post
downplaying feeling any reason to rhyme or boast
spun words masterly sharecropped along east coast.

CHORUS:

verse one:

Now, I gotta cure dem rascally misbehavin
data packets between computer blues,
cuz internet fixation yaw truly craven
lobbying scattershot spewing colorful hell raisin
lingo (awk curse) strung expletive epithets
extraordinary Luddite across cyberspace will lose.

verse two:

Hence dial up local kindergartner to troubleshoot
while he/she whistles Mozart's The Magic Flute
or visit nearest zoo to hire nasty, and shortish brute
critical electronic hardware, cuz aye got absolute
zero ability and even less legal tender slangy loot
thus Internet loper feel handicapped as deaf mute
unable to hear auld Donald trumpeting slo vac toot.
Twas accursed destiny
since birth (maybe coded in
deoxyribonucleic acid  
since time immemorial) alas and alack
nascent emasculation abominable barrack
emergent deus ex machina,
one common Joe biden his time
for no particular
rhyme nor reason
revisiting mine days of yore,
when protectiveness courtesy
older sibling come
from behind ruthless counterattack.

All equivocation aside,
she/her thirteen plus months
and twelve days
constituted chronological senior gap
eldest sister struck like diamondback
against bullies who targeted me
as a poor defenseless “scape goat”
surrogate "mother" role
assumed tubby exact
protectorate viz pseudo fullback
against cruel foo fighting beastie boys
hurling black barbs
firing verbal slings and arrows.

Escapist exploits to cope
being brutalized, and traumatized
synonymous when Brian Williams,
(not the newscaster,
but neighborhood school chum,
who shared same namesake)
we imagined ourselves
courageous dauntless explorers
while toying with his beebee gun.

Mein kampf one after another
against relentless barrage of flak
comeuppance effected giveback
pummeling spongiform mine
now sixty plus shades gray matter
fisticuffs sister didst highjack
proxy mated mothering
kept corporeal essence intact
jilting nefarious nemesis aligned
jumpstarting, maligning, and stalking.

This fee-fi-fo-fum
bling ordinary bean sized Jack
err runt (arrant) cowardly
(fee lion) dorky and nerdy lad
owning nada knick knack
paddy whack give my dog a bone
a fide scaredy cat,
he/him an aging baby boomer
older married chap doth adumbrate

satisfactory accomplishments lack
king, where crazy
quilt aimless wandering
described purposeless multitrack
thus, sympathetic, and empathetic
to hue men/women nonblack
or decimated aborigines
once populating Australian outback
existential nihilism would,

undergirding hypothetical
unwritten paperback
with little need to prevaricate,
nor appear as quack
***, one measly **** sapiens,
who accrued millennial
palimpsest gestalt zeitgeist
where, punctured, and zapped
disequilibrium created

psyche dust rack
asper protean (in utero)
multitudinous setback
soundlessly resonating
with concussive thwack
as this rickety ship of state
(never confused as fêted junket)
unwanted emotional ballast to unpack
asseveration, asper assiduously

preferably welcoming
dry suction no vac
jarring this pawn (knight wannabe
in his bishop rick) torrid
me psychological wrack
king within (castle keep)
complex edifice shackled
in dungeon with repast constituting
present day long winded conversations,
where she volubly talk yakety yak.
Bourgeoisie donning ersatz
overstuffed ego freezer bewigged pate
"FAKE" grotesque humanitarian
bribed corrupt judges will vindicate
jimmied cracked corn
land of "milk and honey"

red hot button he spoils to activate
countdown to Armageddon
leaving nation prostrate,
all the more reason to axe electoral college,
now holds electorate
hostage to bully tactics grate

for dead souls – zombie thriller, viz
Putin on the ritz,
whereby Pavlov's dog will salivate
on cue and pony show will titillate,
and worse case scenario, a far more terrible fate
than death by a thousand cuts

equals his refusal not to abdicate
presidency, should voters
get smart to administrate
White House with progressive commander
in chief he/she will adjudicate
decency, honesty, integrity... and acclimate

government toward amity, comity, equality...
oh,... and most importantly advocate
salutary measures affecting biosphere,
where industrialization didst devastate
contaminate by bajillion beings birthrate,
every square inch of Earth

**** sapiens succeeded to abominate...,
prima facie global warming doth correlate,
hence primary requisite mandate
to reorient modus operandi no time to wait,
where carbon footprint negligible
still preserving technological paradigm

fixing low cussed electricity to generate
courtesy renewable resources
else man/womankind will become footnote
atrophied trappings agglomerate
twenty first century civilization
******, inundated, ossified bridgegate

checkmated, choked, chucked... wag gone wheels
das spare - tread fully tires fuming primate
jammed fruits of ***** going bananas
infuriating, exhausting accelerating
no exit (sorry Sartre) to circumnavigate
hardy lee any recourse to extricate

oneself from madding crowd
self resignation minimally doth alleviate,
whereby impatient broods frustrate
inaccessible jackknifed mobility,
thence spark ignites spontaneous eruption
impossible mission to plug
crowdsource mob frenzy translate

pent up fury once loosed doth degenerate
into atavistic pandemonium cutthroat rage
snarling human logjam foaming at mouth
poised to strike ready to decapitate
any remaining shred of salvation barren feeble
slow vac hoovering, milking, and *******
every last vestige of ******* peoples extirpate.
We still lock horns as in a vac enough time to vape with smoke...,
penetrate me on the spinning wheel talk to Tony Robbins on Dr. Oz Show;
boxed in circle **** said to be my friend milk the killer while we speak
held for a big surprise look to a power greater then self put that book on a shelf
crazy wings painting a picture toward the forbidden captured sun make room to run
Dr. Phil ******* on a porcelain Ice table left to sneeze with midnight chill
keep the chatter down to a minimal grease the monkey on the quaint sofa
chattered foxes Willow branches by support through able fences

Today its hushed with regard to the memory sparked beside the wait & see...
Electric prone to words grafted in silence a move to encounter an innocent force
connect with me on the other side a given opportunity  milk its pride...
milk me. milk me..intellectualize me toward the poster of the painted pony
let earth be the cement where such is borrowed to incline on a force
love is exchange for a rather nose birth
(alternately titled: ma bell heave hubble
vehicular repairs (prohibitive)
finds me bleary eyed stupefied
and countenance grizzled with prickly stubble
collapsed amidst virtual rubble).

Best sung courtesy rotten dull liver:red worst
after words which, I gotta quench mine thirst
whereby think Botox lips zipped and pursed
hence impossible linkedin mission Mary Jane
and Buster Brown kisser **** it result socked
hermetically resigned, resealed and cursed.

Atheistic credo fuels (fossil)
jeremiad ordaining undevout
finds me cybersurfing phishing
for poetic effort to tout
March seventeenth tooth house sand twenty two
presents reasonable rhyming lit writ scout
herewith risk averse longfellow
on his figurative er... route
along information superhighway.

Netizen (generic and garden variety) Cain
not, nor able to don virtualtourist Lausanne
guise, nor Kiev hen twitter among Ukraine
literati earlier today (aforementioned date)
afflicting me courtesy GMO webbed strain
iambic phantom metered node hissing drain
analogous to evaporating Lake Pontchartrain.

Cuz unwitting byte size complicit accessory ghost
haunts micro electronic components machine most
culpable, feasible, n invisible Internet Protocol host
laryngeal mucous phlegm wreaks (think) burnt toast
esophageal acid reflux analogous metaphor, I post
downplaying feeling any reason to rhyme or boast
spun words masterly sharecropped along east coast.

Now, I gotta cure dem rascally misbehavin
data packets between computer blues,
cuz internet fixation yaw truly craven
lobbying scattershot spewing colorful hell raisin
lingo (awk curse) strung expletive epithets
extraordinary Luddite across cyberspace will lose.

Hence dial up local kindergartner to troubleshoot
while he/she whistles Mozart's The Magic Flute
or visit nearest zoo to hire nasty, and shortish brute
critical electronic hardware, cuz aye got absolute
zero ability and even less legal tender slangy loot
thus Internet loper feel handicapped as deaf mute
unable to hear auld Donald trumpeting slo vac toot.

Boot just mebbe yen know someone
relative within close proximity
hook ken rank as wheel guardian angel bringing glee
answering urgent need helping desperado
(plus the missus) to purchase reliable mode to drive free
and clear to contend livingsocial and prithee
restore my wavering faith in humanity
thus, aye pray to thee on wounded knee.
tweaked to pass inspection broadcast on the double
(alternately titled snafu: ma bell heave hubble
vehicular repairs (prohibitive)
finds me bleary eyed stupefied
and countenance grizzled with prickly stubble
collapsed amidst virtual rubble).

Best sung courtesy rotten dull liver:red worst
after words which, I gotta quench mine thirst
whereby think Botox lips zipped and pursed
hence impossible linkedin mission Mary Jane
and Buster Brown kisser **** it result socked
hermetically resigned, resealed and cursed.

Atheistic credo fuels (fossil)
jeremiad ordaining undevout
finds me cybersurfing phishing
for poetic effort to tout
March seventeenth tooth house sand twenty two
presents reasonable rhyming lit writ scout
herewith risk averse longfellow
on his figurative er... route
criss crossing along backroads or superhighway.

Netizen (generic and garden variety) Cain
not, nor able to don virtualtourist Lausanne
guise, nor Kiev hen twitter among Ukraine
literati earlier today (aforementioned date)
afflicting me courtesy GMO webbed strain
iambic phantom metered node hissing drain
analogous to evaporating Lake Pontchartrain.

Cuz unwitting faulty mechanism
to stop and/or sustain acceleration of car,
I suspect complicit with accessory ghost
haunts micro electronic components machine most
culpable, feasible, n invisible Internet Protocol host
laryngeal mucous phlegm wreaks (think) burnt toast
esophageal acid reflux analogous metaphor, I post
downplaying feeling any reason to rhyme or boast
spun words masterly sharecropped along east coast.

Now, I gotta cure dem rascally misbehavin
scored rotors (front) automotive woes,
cuz thousand plus dollar repair cost
fixation finds me seeking to locked haven
to remedy necessary functioning automobile iz craven
lobbying scattershot spewing colorful hell raisin
lingo (awk curse) strung expletive epithets
extraordinary Luddite across cyberspace will lose.

Hence yours truly careered into funk courtesy astute
keen reality regarding necessity
to fork over outrageous loot
while he/she whistles Mozart's The Magic Flute
or visit nearest zoo to hire nasty, and shortish brute
critical electronic hardware, cuz aye got absolute
zero ability and even less legal tender slangy loot
thus Internet loper feel handicapped as deaf mute
unable to hear auld Donald trumpeting slo vac toot.

Unlikely yukon rectify, remedy, and/or resolve war
tis necessary within these backwoods to own car,
nonetheless please pardon rambling,
and exhale relief ja live afar.
Ryan O'Leary Aug 2023
Conceived in a forlorn forest

evolved via a blue umbilical

cord of cultural diversity but

reverted to a darkened deep.





                /
Ryan in Vac Hungry 10/08/2023.




Ps.


  The river Danube rises in The Black

    Forest but it changes colour as it

flows through 10 countries 4 capitals,

eventually discharging into Black Sea.
sandra wyllie Feb 2020
despite his tremulous arm
and the fact that he was starved, downing
pretzels like pigeons pecking the ground. He

was a tree in winter that lost its leaves
and splintered. The workshop wasn’t heated
but was warm as a furnace, with

every apparatus one could use to build
a mansion on the hill. The saw had baby
teeth that cut through but was discreet. The scene

was very sweet, like the scent of pine in
a forest. It snowed sawdust. And instead of
fireworks I heard a gentle buzzing. My heart

wasn’t thumping. It was pulled by something
******* like the hose on a vac. It cleared
out all my plague. And his embrace, felt

like clamps holding me in place. One can build
a dresser in a moment. I knew we would fill
the drawers, in time of course. I left passing

the sawhorse and the stable full of wood. As I
climbed into my car my eyes welled with
tears. It had been years since I allowed myself
to feel anything. Soon it would be spring.
Ryan O'Leary Jul 2020
There is no virus, it is
a media driven hoax to
prepare the populous
for Gates of Hell Vac's.
or you'll be late for your abortation at the abortuary! Okay, I just need to put on my abortation-friendly pants. They're pretty tight. Will you be able to even get an abortation with those on? I hope so. Why don't we do a dry run? I'll get the shop vac.
or you'll be late for your abortation at the abortuary! Okay, I just need to put on my abortation-friendly pants. They're pretty tight. Will you be able to even get an abortation with those on? I hope so. Why don't we do a dry run? I'll get the shop vac.

— The End —