six-inch heels abandoned
in lampless corner       grimy pennies embedded in carpet

rent's due

wedding band girl "fab polka dot frocks"
waterfalling past knees        outta place
on casino bus destined for rest under Ft. Worth stars
now, now    ******* borealis speckled dice

true love waits

socialite lip balm and bourgeoisie hips compete
in bidding war over which black face triggerpulls
which black face eyes the ground
passerby the red light      the green light
all night diner    egg on chin   coffee-stained porcelain   teeth

"I forgave, I think. I forget."

crowded and paranoid in the left lane    the right lane
empty and weak and surrender and soiled underwear in ammonia nursing home
children is a word     time is a lie the polka dot and the interstate ain't selling
divorce the consequence of acoustic shadows

reblog   undo   #sotrue    reblog

living through x-ray radiotherapy the dotted gown
never the veiny calves or the blush or the eyeliner
somewhere in North Texas shawtys are in the club
shawtys are backin' it up    shawtys are dropin' it down

hit me+hit me+hit me=blackjack mishap

the marvel of the wind and of wind turbines
cognac decade brides     the epitome of class and natural elegance
standing like oil derricks and treated like oil wells
so secretive and philanthropic

this taxon remains nameless

casino turned dance hall   dance hall   skinny ties still a thing
this wine is good. is it a merlot?    no.    this is purely recreational
for birthdays   for weddings    and Ft. Worth missionaries
10-50 passengers   we've got 53, no 54 #hahahaha #whoops #party

who needs unprescribed drugs? me, me (!)

decomposing mascara sweat on brow the interstate no longer lit
polka dots has got the suicide by Manet pulled up
on her iPhone the financial stress   which shudders warm-blooded moms
on her lips    every mother a librarian   every mother a swing-pusher

but digression    next to bitterness   the lowest sin

edging the cultural gateway of the old west
miracles in and miracles out of tradition following
the slender bends of middle ancient Trinity River
children a word   pattycake a game

and time   time a lie we left to museum panoramas

gulping unprescribed vyvanse, to focus on material mind deceiving things on social media to see what all the fuss is about

social media is a place for the "malaventurados" locked in screens, purposely

why are they scared to explore the wilderness

be one with  nature, breathe the air people from a million years ago were breathing, breathe the same air dinosaurs were breathing if you believe in that prehistoric timeline

isn't it great?

we're jailed in technology, in "innovation", in "better solutions to meet new requirements"

we're walking on innovative grids thinking it's okay to cherish the unrealistic programmed websites made by those who weren't saved in time

exploring the internet, is like exploring ways to lose the key to freedom, to lose the key to the feel of soft grass on your feet, to lose the
to key to the feel of air brushing against your skin

be one with the air Adam breathed
be one with the good and evil
be one with the sun that looked over at Jesus Christ when he was being crucified
be one with the God you believe in that loves you as much as Cane hated Abel
be one with the earth, because today is a new chapter in the earths rotation
today's a new series of self made bibles for artists to grasp, and paint on a smooth textured canvas
today's a new TV show for poets to emulate in sentences along with metaphors, comparing love to pain

be one with what's been here for you all along, from the ocean that's plentiful with everything you need to be happy

How dare I say I loved you
How could I?
I was broken, bent, weighed down
By my mere existence.

You picked me up
And I held on.

I was too busy being lifted
To see your breaking shoulders
You became my hope
And you began to lose your own

I never learned your dreams
Not in depth anyway
I was too busy with my sadness
That you tried to take away

I wish I would've asked to see
The talents in your grasp
The music you made
The world's you created

But I was a flooded river
And you were the shore
It's hard to say
Who swept up who

I wore you thin
How long can a man carry
A dead weight
And expect to be strong?

You began to pull away
And you began to slip up
You found solace in a familiar dance

Unprescribed yet medicated
Dosed with doubt
And lack of love

And me?
I still needed you
I still expected you.

And I blamed you
For not carrying me
When you were broken

We were twisted around each other
In substance and lack thereof
We crumbled trying to hold each other up

How could we?

How could I?

How could you?

None of this was supposed to happen.

I'm sorry.

The words are twisting around me,
wringing me out like a wet towel.
The tune is stretched and thin
as if it's an ode to the last of my happiness.
It speaks to me almost as loud
as the ghosts screaming in my ears,
except the unprescribed medication
I drown myself in
doesn't keep it out of my head.
I have to remind myself daily --
they don't know you
they don't care about you
the words aren't sung about you.
But how could they not,
when they ring so true?
How can they not
when my stomach turns
to the time of the music,
when the tears leak out of my eyes
the same way the last notes
leave the guitar?
How can they not
when they're the only bridge to reality
I have left?

what's up is down, what's left is right, moon fall is the sunrise but where is my sunshine?
Depression and thoughts of suicide have a arrived and sadly it's just another unprescribed ****** to cope with it, **** i used to think it'd be better with my throat slit or a nice noose that'll fit.

I can't believe I got that low, I can't believe i let a void inside of me open more becoming a black hole, I can't believed I let it warp time leaving me in this mold.

My brains was on the fritz, every word sounds like a glitch. Like a computer full of viruses gone haywire, trying to fix it but my minds is too tired so I let it over take me and the place I called my home, in the end it just left me secluded and all alone.


I can't believe I felt so alone, I can't believe I felt so cold, I felt no warmth in this frame. What a shame, but I fight and fight because my brother and I are the last of our names and I despise the thoughts of suicide, I despise another cigarette session to deal with my depression. I despise the thought of being alone again.

Among the many remedies  to fight stress and release anger
I have custom tailored my own cures for my mental-health 

Like tearing through my firebirds 4 speed as I take off like a bat out of hell and watch the rpms climb to redline 

Like hopping in my truck and burning out while cruising down backroads listening to the radio all the way turned up 

Like taking my dog Buster for a hike and watching him enjoy some one on one time with me out in the woods by where we live 

Like writing poetry just as quickly as the words try to weigh heavy on my mind, each line wrote prevents the bottling up 

These are my most popular ones among some more but most importantly require no dependancy on drugs prescribed by a doctor 

Gas, tires, oil changes and dog food is much cheaper than hurt feelings, broken relationships, criminal record or attorney fees 

Plan for the worse, hope for the best and if **** could hit the fan then eventually it probably will....... So have a plan

It was Donna Darling’s annual dinner party
A Cotillion approved eatery
Six spoons and six forks
The wrong one, and all the glares one bore
And then waddled in Miss Pillsbury
Her stumpy feet too short to
Do anything but waddle
Uninvited she was
As she always was
Squelching her way
through the narrow doorway.
As fourteen perfectly styled heads
Shuffled their feet under the table.

Boom! Clash!
Six spoons crashing
Six forks attacking
Poor old lady Judith’s knee
As she groaned in pain.
Donna scratching her head
Eyes darting through her invite list
Top-to-bottom, Top-to-bottom
Screech! Went the chair,
Scratching Donnas hand polished marble floors
Like nails on a chalkboard.

Oh, and what she did next,
Almost sent Donna to her upstairs bedroom
To pop some unprescribed ******
As the stout woman grabbed soup
with her chubby hands
And started gulping it down
Before it ran through her fingers.

Frazzled Donna tried, oh she tried
To salvage the integrity
Of her fancy dinner party
Unfortunately, at the moment
it was running down the table
From Miss Pillsbury’s double chin.
Swooosh! Went old lady Judith
As she skated across the marble
Like an Olympic figure skater
Only to crash into Donna’s perfectly organized
stainless steel kitchenware.

Donna ran out screaming and crying
Nobody’s seen her since.
And as for Miss Pillsbury,
I’d be surprised if she noticed any of it

Getting high for the fall
When it all,
Comes a’crashing
As shivering starlets of
Saturnine splashing
Rain again washing
The sun day again
As the circle continues
To ring in my brain
And the fire and ice
Is igniting my veins
And the tingles continue
To fingertip zips
And projections of word
Are as cryptic as script
Unprescribed by the maddest of hatters
And rabbits
Untethered from gravity’s bongo drum havoc
A whole other world
In the mortal realm portal
Communicatively
Abnormal informal
Arboreal creatures
And patterns in trees
Friendly faces forever
The earth is at peace
Where I stand, all around me
The problems are out there somewhere
Never found me
Possessions of no more concerns have
Unbound me
But all of it links back to me
In the moment
I choose to disown it
The throne is not mine
Like the lions in Roman
Republic down time

Those were your words
As I fell mute
Afraid to inform you
The darker side of me
You must have overlooked
I've never put myself first
I'll never be fair to myself
I'll put a world eager to destroy me
Behind me knowing pain
Is my only reward
I'd rather hurt
Weigh the burden
Just to see someone smile
True I want happiness
Something I'll never obtain
Yet in the glimpse of someone's smile
Their momentary happiness
Knowing they had someone
Ward off one second of pain
I share with them
So in my selfishness
Of wanting you
Despite your desire
To not have a family
In my unfairness to myself
For finding happiness
My daughter cannot give me
Solely through you
I can't help loving you
And maybe it's pointless
An utter waste of your time
You'll dispute me till the end
Finding another excuse
To not give me a chance
Ignoring how you feel
Because you wouldn't have asked
If you didn't feel something
You want something
But can't figure it out
You wouldn't have kept answering
And maybe that's why you fell silent
Scared of whatever it was
Resurfacing abruptly
Do you really want me to come
Show my face
And make you feel it even deeper
Or are you wanting the verification
That there couldn't be anything
To ever transpire between us
You're quick to tell me
What it is you don't want
When that's everything I am
But it's not what you want
That you inform me of
Is it because you believe
I could possibly be that as well
Is the idea of having any sort
Of affection towards me
Truly that terrifying
I could be reading this wrong
Trying to understand this
Self justification session
I go through
To ease my own pain
That I know follows
My destructive tendency
I use as an armor
Unprescribed antidepressants
Keeping me from what I know
To be an inevitable action
No amount of therapy can stop
I'll never be fair to myself
I'll sell myself short
To make someone else richer
I'm a victim to my own design
In that end my demise
Trying to take on a persona
That wants to face the rapture
And conquer it for another
Sorry my thoughts are all over
I have no excuse
Me just being my usual
Insane self
Figuring out a dialogue
I have no answers for
All I can say
Is it's fair of me
To be unfair to myself
Finding everything to love
In someone
That won't love me back
No matter how much I confess
Or how long I do
Simply because I let myself
Slip away from you once
For these very same questions
This is our form of tag
With me chasing you
And you evading me
Every time I get
Slightly closer than before