Two decades and two years have been passed
There is more to come

It is not always a rainbow
Sometimes it’s hard looking forward to tomorrow

I’m a failure as a daughter
Not to mention as well as a lover
Being kind never been my strength
Being gentle never been my true nature
I took the bullets but I couldn’t get the wolf trust

But, the pain I gain,
The tears I shed
The heart that shreded
I took the responsibility for it
All glued back now

Hardship never means to be easy
To live, never is
It creates you a shield to face the rest of the world
I may a useless and failure daughter
But I’m one hella though fighter

To the heart that keeps beating
To the soul that keeps sane
To the mind that keep in peace
22 years down, more to go

I hope the tears you shreded one day
nurture the flowers that will blossom from your scars.

You deceive,
I grieve,
I moan in vain,
I cry in pain.
I loved too much,
I gave too much,
I trusted too much.
You  stole my heart,
Ate the whole ****,
Then you discarded it,
Trampled on it,
Notched it with razors of lies,
Bloated it with feelings of woeful cries.
You cheated,
You shared a bed with someone else in heat,
You shreded my heart into million pieces,
Each piece worth billion kisses,
If I continue to weep,
Sorrow and pain won't let me sleep.
For you my heart was a piece of paper,
For me you are the  end of my chapter,
Adieu,the game is over.

Nothing left to say,
no words to utter.
But still , i could hear the echo
of something that was never heard !!!

the worthless shreded tears
the ruthless tiring times,
were all mere a diversion
to which my life...never rhymed !!!

trying to regain,
trying to rebuild,
trying to recollect
..the pieces broken out of me.  

Maybe someday,
i could assemble them.
someday.. i could join them together.

At least, there's still a hope ...
hope of finding again "the REAL ME" !!!

Too much coffee or a bundle of nerves gone bad either way inside the confines of my lower intestine i hide the makings of interstellar war. nebulous hyperions hypothesize the comings of a gratuitus turbulant gravitational trebulation. The trumpets will sing im sure as i scream towards a silent night I am but a silent sight.
Wait.
I think im just nervous. Get this, its worse and, im trying but its.. Ya never know where friends stand aint done much for them been a long time since I found a new storm to set up in. lightning rods making neurons here we are,
i am a social *****.

The bubbling bravado of new hopes to swaddle are dopped and crushed. the fontenal of my chitinus exterior is pressed and my fear is here to be pulled out and dangled in my face it feels shameful.
Words pass the throat and are shreded by smoke stained teeth and i think if i fumble enough my bumbling lips may stitch the sentence back up and i might just make sense.

My hands are shaking again
My heart is racing and then
My mind races and bends
Anxiety is the buzzing bashful brother of exitment and bravado
Lashes out in spazzy gestures
And sends my head space on a trip to burning pastures
Bragadosious i am not
Bed ridden sad sappy ******
Pent up and
Woah
My thoughts derail again
Where the hell are my friends
They didnt go anywhere
Its all in my head

Twitchy turbulance tackling full force into tubluar pathways my blood
Is
Screaming

If it was autumn forever the ribbions tied to the banister of your porch would still be dancing on a vibrant breeze. And in the door step stair well where i left mumbling ghosts of uncerctainty, they might still wail at three a.m. when the cool night air cast me to your warmth.

But winter came and inbetween the microcosom fabric of those ribbions ice crystals grew and shattered, winter glass shreded all the pretty things i left. The ghosts prefered the chance of you but as winter fell and you became more transparent than them, i guess they hitched themselves to the moon, just trying to visit something beautiful.