lonely in the sea of people
overwhelmed while being alone
craving you to like me
while praying that you don't

didn't know the colors
seeing in black and white
all the flaws seemed see through
despite hours sacrified to hide

naked between the sheets
pillows soaking the tears
and all this because
mirror was my worst enemy

Before the breathing of this blissful altar,
There once was,actually,on this place,
A frightened shrine of Uzu deity.
Where we sacrified our last **** to Uzu,
Ate stragnled meat,food,wine,colanut,
Consulted our ancestral spirit,
Bowed down to the eastern sun.

But after our immersion into water,
We folded aside our old garments.
And believe in God Almighty.
Who on cross,with cross and cross
Saved all mankind of all races.
We are now carriers of cross,
Hoping for a blissful eternity.
Our fowl and palmy became bread and wine.

I've tried to flee from lustful thought and act.
The thought of sexuality,the thought of lust.
My flesh is mainly made for it,that's fact.
In ***** bed,the pleasure of mine trust.

Though fear of God still ring in heart of mine.
Like sheep against a lion, I'm weak,
to firmly stand and work God's vine,
but rather I remain a ****** freak.

But worker often get his wage,mine's death.
An eternal punishment of mine is hell.
I need to change before I take my last breath.
I'm now determined to be heaven's dwell.

I'll settle down and
learn from Jesus
Christ,
who lived but flesh
of his,he sacrified.

The beast and the trainer roamed around
The stage where lights and people abound
The crowd cheered as they each gain, for the beast: respect, for the trainer: fame.

The beast and the trainer, both actors they were,
And the world was astonished as they watched and stared
"Look! The trainer is better than before!"
Everyone loved the trainer more.

For the trainer could do what he wanted to do,
And the beast just followed through and through
They mocked the beast up to their heart's delight
So the beast turned his back away from their sight.

And the beast walked away in shame,
For he was tired of people calling him names,
"What they don't know..." he said quietly,
"Is that I surrendered and sacrified willfully."

For the beast loved the trainer after all,
Tis' the reason why he gave his all.

We all need a shift in perspective from time to time,
The world is selfish because humans are flawed,
And because of that,
we often take even the simplest of pleasures for granted.
When is enough truly enough?

When you complained that the food is not tasty enough ,
Remember there are kids begging for leftover just to stay alive.

When you complained the sun is too hot,
Remember there are people who can't afford clothes to keep them warm.

When you complained the job is hard,
Remember there are people who sacrified their life for the job.

When everything turns out wrong for you in life,
Remember that you are still alive.

You might not be able to change the world's perspective  at a day.
But we might be able to do that one person at a time.

It all starts from you.

Before you think that nobody loves you,

Remember that,
Someone somewhere sometime
has secretly cried for you,
prayed for you ,
and sacrified for you.

Hi Dad,

I called to say I'm sorry
sorry for how I treated you growing up.
Sorry for never breaking the ice, never trying to go through your walls,
while putting up mine higher ,
while you were putting up with me,
my behaviour, all your care met with nothing but disrespect.

I dind't feel like I could reach you back then.
Trouble you with my worries and problems.
I didn't think I was allowed, saw no room.
You've never been the emotional available type,

yet you were the most caring nurturing, supporting and reliable person I've met in my life.
You still are.
You were a string of stability in my childhood and after.
You've never been an authority figure. It's a little like you took my moms place ,when she had to put her needs above mine.
But you were hard to reach, so restircted by your parents upbringing.
"Don't act out, behave, keep up your appereance, smile, be polite, and most importantly don't ever bother anyone"

You were working a lot too.
I spend so much time alone.

Can it be? You can't be direct with your emotions,
you don't say I love you,
You say you're very dear to me instead again and again
hoping that the message sticks.
You say "what about going outside for a change?", instead of "Your behaviour is unhealthy son. We're going to change it.

Words aren't your strongest suit, mine neither
so you switch to acts.
Acts of service and quality time.
So easily overlooked. Not apprecciated enough.
Used and taken for granted.

I took it for weakness back than, and yes I used you in so many ways.
Over and over I insulted your kindness.

You're a bit shy too aren't you?
Never been the bravest. We both struggle with that.
You don't take charge you wait till the time is right, till the stars align and things take their natural order.
And if the time doesn't come than it will simply never happen.
In life that means you're often left, left out, left behind with the scraps.
It's unfair. But you endured. You're patient.

How much did others take form you? How much time? You never learned to mark your limits. Hard to say no. People pleasing is a habit that sticks and leaves you vulnurable.

You seem stuck and torn between worlds as well.
Somewhere between working and middle class, between liberal and conservative.
Between the family you grew up with and my mother you choose.
And me in the middle, after the break up.

I'm sorry, Dad, for not valuing what you gave and sacrified for me on the daily.
For washing the pots I left in the sink bruned again and again.
For showing me the islands of the Atlantic ocean every year,
watching dolphines and whales in the sea.
For cleaning the floor and chasing me up and down all of these mountains till evantually I grew to love it.
For cooking me meals after a long day of work. setting the table,
just to wait for me never come to the table and watch the food go cold.
And eat alone.

I was busy hiding away from the world. It was to much for me.
I wasn't welcome anywhere. Singled out from the get go.
Before I could even begin to think.
You wanted to push me into the world, so I fought that.
Trying was to hard and I didn't have much encouragment to fail and try again. The pull of fantasy and untoachable, strong heroes besting every trouble was to strong next to realitys horrors.

You were always ready to give me your everything,
to scrape out the last bit of yourself so I could waste it and throw it away.
Your trust in me was infinite.
I only ever used you for it.
Couldn't see all the love and pain behind.

I know loneliness, but know I realize you must have lived it too.
You probably buried your troubles in your work, shouldering it all alone, trying to provide for my every whishes without me giving you many good things to come home to.
Yet you never choose violence or let your anger out on me.
Although I could feel the frustration. I practically bathed in it.

Without thanks or aknowledgement. You did it alone. You fought for your place in my life and you earned it times over.
Thanks to you and Mama I grew up without toxic masculinity.
That's worth a lot. Thank you.

I hope you find someone soon who breaks that shell, who sees and appreciates you fully. Who pushes you further than you've ever been. Shows you things of wonder you can't even imagine yet
Through adventure and life.
I hope you life a long, happy and peaceful life.
You deserve it.
I hope I can be around long enough to witness it and support you for once.
And not to be selfish again and choose to check out. I'm trying

I regret our relationship growing up but it makes sense to me. We we're both stuck in our circumstances and nature. I just hope I can make up for it now,
Show you that you nurtured something worth it all.
Raised someone you can be proud of.

I love you Papa, please take care of yourself.

Sacrified everything I had, yet it remained the same.
Ceased expecting anything, indifferent I became.

Ceased expressing preferences, feeling it is pointless.
Silence born from exhaustion and hopelesness.

Unaware of what was evil.
Your tainted soul being deceitful.

Destroying everything alive, planting seeds of grief.
As I became someone I barely recognize, a reflection of your needs.

Never ending feeling of emptiness.
Fate whispering to loneliness.

Dreams abandoned, laughter, flowers fade.
Remembering who I am, knowing I will never be the same.

Detachment turning into contempt.
Finally allowing me to recognize your true scent.
                                                          ­          
                                                  *Ş.Ü­

Do you really want to see me
Father happy with my life
Do you want to see me praying
For peace God
Because what the world needs
Is pace
The war is going on for a long time
Over seas
And I don’t think it will ever end
My God
I am not in favor of the war
My God
So many people already had died
In these brutal war that is going on
Over seas
Yes lots of soldiers that died in the war
Had sacrified there lives for us
But they will never come home again