The soup was cold
The veggies were bland
The meat, mediocre
The dessert was placed
    in a paper cup.


But my heart is full
Because I am spending this special day with you.

I love you

I realize

that I don't want to memorize
someone else's favorite color

I'm done with remembering her name
or her favorite artist...

I can no longer take
remembering her quirks

Or her slight wrinkle
around her eyes every time she smiles

to whisper her name
beneath my breath as I sleep

to listen to her heart beat
and pace my breathing to hers

to walk the same path with her
while I burn each step in my mind

this I realize

Building walls
  to keep the predators out
brick by brick
  each layer sorted out

A fortress for my castle
  sturdy without a doubt
to withstand the awful shadows
  to contain the silence after every shout

Building these walls
  to keep the predators apart.
But how do I protect myself
from the enemies living inside my heart?

Sleep well tonight
dream big, fearless dreams
For tomorrow will shine bright
filled with your hopeful gleams

Be comforted with care
We, your loved ones will give
never holding back, never in despair
a life in full, you shall truly live

For in every waking moment you will see
In spite of every rainbow, or every storm
A covering of love setting you free
guiding you in every form

So I say "Hush little ones...
as we lull you to sleep
for together we've finally won
and this triumph we shall silently keep"

I want
to silently
break
down

In my solitude I still weep
  tears of unending wiles
  poisoned memories that I keep
  to hide the truth within my lies

In the confides of my room
In the coldness of my night
Away from the heat of the noon
Away from everyone's sight

For in pain I have built
my walled city from within
with its rooms, filled with guilt
and secrets that are unseen

I still cry not because they hurt
I cry because they're there
I cry to recognize their worth
not to wander too long in despair

In solitude I still weep
to lull myself to sleep

Lemme flex my mom
My earliest memory is her holding me close, in a nipa hut somewhere in Cavite, I was probably 2 years old, the smell of pouring rain outside, the banging of the wind, and the song "Welcome to the family" playing inside our mildly lit house. I've never felt more secure than that night.
When I was 6, she gave me one of my strongest skills: English Fluency. She said that if I learn to master this language, people will think I'm smart, and that I could go to places because of this. She taught me how to think logically, how to be technical, and to always grab an opportunity while it's available. Her wisdom was beyond her years.
Then I remember pouring all my insecurities to her as a teenager, dad was working abroad and she was the source of both love and strength. She protected us, provided for us, shouldered everything on her own.
She moved abroad to find work. She and dad lived there until June of 2016.
Then when they came back, I saw her with signs of Alzheimer's, it was irreversible. I remember being broke that year, she (in spite of her sickness) walked up to me and handed me 20 pesos, she smiled and whispered "Anak, sa iyo yan, kain ka." it was as if her old self broke off from her sickness for the last time and for a few minutes I saw my mom again. A version of her youth, a version full of hope and kindness.
The last time I saw her was when I visited her last October. Before I left, she held my wrist, pulled me inside the kitchen, knowing that I was about to leave she said with a smile "Are you going to your work?" then I said " Yes ma, but I will some back."-- A promise I was not able to fulfill.

Now her ashes are no more, fragments of her memory will always linger...

So  let me flex my mom. A mother like no other. The strongest, most caring, most assertive, most empowering woman in my life.
You will always be in my heart.