I have always loved words
They have always comforted me

And you
You never have

So I'll just stick to writing
And not going on the terribly scary rollercoaster
That is life with you in it
It makes me throw up constantly

As she enters the room with a grin on her face
I just stare and wonder what she’s smiling about
Am I in love? Well I hope that’s not the case
But the smile I have causes me to doubt

She brightens up everything around her
How she can do this everyday is simply amazing
Or I can just be a biased writer
Because as I’m writing I feel my heart racing

I’ll try my best to write what I actually think
Eventually I’m going to be enveloped by a sea of emotions where I’ll sink
So I will try my best to not get carried away
I’ll try my best to use this words to say what I can’t say

I wish I could compare her to a flower
But that comparison isn’t really the best suited for her
A flower maybe beautiful, but a flower is something that eventually withers
She isn’t just looks, she’s far more than that, she’s funny, smart, she’s better

Then I thought about comparing her to the sun might be right
Because she has that smile that just so bright
But staring at her doesn’t cause me any harm
It doesn’t feel like scorching heat, it feels more like calming warm



Realizing the reason I can’t compare her to anything is because she’s simply unique
A girl so special in ways I cannot count, my interest was piqued
A girl that can face tons of hardships but still remains strong under the pressure
She is someone that can smile in front of the storm, it’s simply her nature

Someone that can make me question my sanity
Someone that can do nothing and still make me happy
And maybe I am crazy because I feel like her smile can make me melt
Or it’s just from the feeling of going through the rollercoaster of emotions I’ve felt

Wishing I can finally recover from this before I become truly mad
Hoping I can bury this feelings six feet under this land
And I know it is cowardly move for me to run away
But being your friend is honestly more important is all I can say

And to be clear, I am not In love with you or anything
You are just someone I constantly think of and that inspire me to write something
And I wouldn’t risk losing a friend because of something trivial
I can never risk losing you by confessing I like you… even if it is just a little

they say fake it until you make it
I faked being happy and alright
have I made it yet
sometimes the answer is yes
and sometimes it's a no
content to sad
to content
a small rollercoaster
or emotions
way more manageable
than how it used to be
it was euphoria to despair
to terror to content
then do it all again
it was mania now its productivity
the change is drastic
but a welcome one at that

love the grey in a lazy day bridge the gap in my dreams through twisted schemes
filter through the notion of belonging mark the longing get a following
we are in this til the end my faithful friend with whom I can depend
inside I have rollercoaster emotions with the ups & downs
take a walk on the beach try to catch that frisbee way out of reach
love the longing of belonging there's a yearning hearts are turning
take a shower in the hour of power nestled in a memory come to sit next to me
Each man chooses their own destiny call it magical chemistry from when you were a memory

Rise to the occasion with soaring hearts as in some decorated mast to impart
love is basking in the jewels of renewal carry on with a song in your heart
love is the mere tenderness of the given moment from a sought after vintage smile
comfort me to the conclaves of lasting love soon you will discover a heart to unfold
many are living in mere fantasy basking in the leaves or newly fallen snow
hearts would unfold some time a go the notion of surrender

Come with me to the sea of tranquility lost in a dream feel the breeze
Tea leaves with Leonard Cohen singing basking in the vast expanse between time & space
Surrender to the moment with cadence as its following and deep heart belonging
the tender moments of belonging soaring like an eagles to parts unknown
Caress the bossom of softened decorum as we choose to be healed
the day is fast approaching and the night is far too spent
to quiver in the moment let the temporal vanish capture the longing

I sit alone above to dew left to groom a brand new view in what is left to do
give me a smile your support and your fantasies let them flourish let them unfold
Hear each passing wave rise to the occasion with the real remnants of nature
To equate laughter with forgiveness give pause to think being in the moment
one touch and one will rise with triumph in their eyes

The ability to let go and let God take over feelings to recapture prepared for the great here after...
arm me with harmony filtered through a dream give pause to breathe
Achieve your dreams to light the way of forgiveness the mere wanting to let go
Be compassionate when you learn to focus on your goals in which to unfold
like Stevie Wonder singing at your funeral learn role reversal
Choose to let go & let God each & every passing day

Every day, finding beauty in the usually non-beautiful.
Every day, setting out to be a better person than the day before.
Fighting my way to the top from the ground floor,
Dealing with the never ending urge to want more.
I've told myself so many times, so so many times,
The best part has yet to come, but still,
I live happily in the past, just as if,
The best has already came and went.
And I'm just trying to replicate it.
But hearts get worse, minds get better.
Minds grow colder and hearts grow darker.
Our emotions are like a rollercoaster,
They always take a plunge during the ascent.
We sometimes mistake that for weakness.
Oh, how foolish we can be at times.
Oh no, how the mighty mock the weak, etc, etc.
Sometimes, I find myself subconsciously vise-gripping the handle to the last door that made me feel something real when I walked through it.
It's okay; let it be, I'll let go when I'm ready.

I fell in and out of love and that was a rollercoaster, but I don’t regret a single part of it.
I felt like I was on top of the world at some point. I don’t have that feeling so much anymore..
but as time passes, my heart heals and I know I’ll be okay.

hey
hi
hello

can you hear me
you’re not listening

you’re ruining everything

it’s not a game
i’m not playing

we just built things back up
tear them back down

i don’t know
how long
i can ride this rollercoaster
before i tear myself down

i’m not mad
i’ve been crying

you don’t think
before you scream

shut the **** up.

i’m so tired
a nice warm bullet
could tuck me in

why do i always get this
i should just be alone

shut the **** up.
those words echo
...inside my head

Nice people are very kind
Some friends I like to be with
But fake people I do mind
That act nice are such a myth
I'll tell you a creature named T
Who thinks It's so classy
But the truth be
That's it's just plain old nasty
T thinks it's the bomb
And that it's on fire
But go cry to your mom
Cause everyone knows your a liar
It's scratchy,mean horrific
All of these are common traits
You touch it it'll go ballistic
Like a fish attracted to bait
It's hair is a mess
It should go to the dresser
But it would be a test
To make it look better
T's face looks like a trout
It often wiggles around
It thinks it knows all about
How to be cool and bound
It always resorts to violence
Whenever it's ticked
But he shouldn't have said silence
Because one man got picked
It often likes to meddle
Which I think is nonsense
And this creature acts like the devil
It should just mind it's own business
It's eyes are small and narrow
Lips often do pucker
I swear it looks like a pharaoh
And is often a sucker
It's personality flaws
Stinks like a skunk
It has fingers like claws
And carries around a funk
Its teeth look bucked
Just like a ******
It often does ****
Trust me I'm a believer
It's on a rollercoaster
That goes up and down
I truly don't say blurs
And I hope it has a frown
It thinks it's in a group
Where it feels respect
But its sick and needs soup
That I sure detect
So that's the rhyme of T
A creature whose always blue
And from the angry villagers you flee
Their last words were,"***** You!"

You know that feeling when you walk into a room full of purpose
and then instantly forget what you were doing?
The intention, the action, then the frustrated attempt at recollection.
That's how I feel when I wake up.

You know that feeling when you reach the top of a rollercoaster
and your stomach drops before the ride does?
The anticipation, the adrenaline rush, and then you feel sick.
That's how I feel when I step outside my door every morning.

You know that feeling when you're just going about your life
and then you get a sense that something has gone terribly wrong?
The relaxation, the peace, then the chills across your skin.
That's how I feel when I cross the road.

You know that feeling when you are listening to a song
and then one line loops and loops and loops, like a broken record?
The rhythm, the melody, then the repetition (repetition, repetition).
That's how I feel when I speak.

You know that feeling when you get a new pen, put it to paper
and then it glides, tracing letters cleanly and smoothly?
The impact, the initiation, then the ease of creation.
That is how I feel when I write.

h.f.m.

Going through something like that is never pleasant for either party...

I hope you can heal your hearts in No Time!
Feel the hurt.. To feel alive..
Process the Anger... Not to walk around with hatred in your heart!
Acknowledge the emotional rollercoaster- and identify each emotion as you go along this will help with your personal growth and gain emotional maturity...
Don't blind yourself to your own mistakes - you can only learn from it and start your personal growth thereafter..

FORGIVE!!!
FORGIVE your spouse for whatever wrongs had been done...
&
FORGIVE YOURSELF ~ that might be the most difficult journey of them All ~ But The Most Important one to heal the Heart!

Take it day by day....
Acceptance takes a while...
However, if you still have just the most tiniest bit of Love left in your heart...

Always give Love another try...

Someone will be reading this soon,
ready to learn my secrets,
ready to hear my thoughts.
And to you, new heart, I say,
Welcome to my world.
Tread carefully through these words,
for they contain a rollercoaster
of emotions,
a constantly shifting tide.
Here is where you see who
I really am.

NOTHINGS

It is not what I want
No it is not that
What I wanted
But here I am
I go through the motions
Stumbling through this life
Like I were blind

These are just thoughts
Without any emotions
Feelings that one goes through
Are sometimes unkind
Life takes us up
And sometimes down
It's like a rollercoaster
That has lost its mind

Its that crossroads
In the middle of nowhere
Nowhere to go
And no one to run from
Nowhere to hide
And nothing to find

M. N. R.
14 NOVEMBER 2018

Hope is the rope that ties one to the dreams ,
Each day a different tune rings ,
Hold on tightly to the strings ,
Await patiently for the good fortunes the future brings .

Hope is the rope that ties one to the dreams ,
Life is a rollercoaster ride the world screams ,
Joy and sorrow are two parallel streams .

Hope is the rope that ties one to the dreams ,
Even when dark clouds beam
Let hopeful passion and compassion be your team ,
Undoubtedly life will gleam .
For hope is the rope that ties one to the dreams .

© Mrunalini.D.Nimbalkar

I switch between believing myself to be great
and then crying for what seems like eternity.
I ride the rollercoaster
with the high-highs and low-lows.

The “high-highs” consist of paradise and normalcy.
The “low-lows” contain self doubt and abnormality.
I am a bird in the sky
then an insect in the grave.

I fly and become one of those euphoric beings.
Then, I become an insect and compost the dead.
I spread my wings wide to waft.
I crawl in the crypt like a creep.

I am but a bird and the insect.

When the world caves in
the mist rises and clouds evaporate
and the clarity of the day hides
in the smoky ever rising dew

At times this body revolves
anticlockwise on the centre piece
like a rollercoaster awaiting to explode
on and on until the nights kicks

The rhythm in my soul awash
tainting my body with specks
traps of dissolution and anger
until the day my heart arises

Everyone has their own kind of therapy
I listen to music when nobody is there for me
People latch on others and become dependent
Absorbing life from someone, leaving a dent
But what happens when you’re that person
Helping others out while your life worsens
All you do is give and never bother to take
Your love is real but you only receive the fake
Grow tired of all the people on the earth
Confidence sinks now we question our worth
I want to get back into therapy again
Talk to Dr.Davis to take away all this pain
Sitting on his couch telling him all my problems
Having him around always seems to solve em
I don’t see him anymore and life changed a lot
Doing drugs alone passing out in a parking lot
Keep telling myself I shouldn’t do suicide
I’m breaking down at random straight horrified
What’s my replacement for therapy now
I want to be okay but I just don’t know how
Ever since it stopped my life’s is a rollercoaster
Going up and down until suddenly it’s all over
How do I stop feeling easily replaceable
How do I stop feeling like I’m incapable
Of feeling love and loving myself
Dr.Davis asked how do you feel about yourself
I stared at him with a blank expression
Thought back and looked at my progression
Trying to find words that share a connection
Think about all the things that need correction
How do I push through this depression
How do I answer Dr.Davis’s question
I think that I can get somewhere in life
I just gotta focus and keep doing what’s right
I just have to get through day and night
I just have to find the some possible way
Without therapy I won’t be okay
So I take drugs cut my wrist and drink nonstop
I’ll cry my eyes out until these thoughts drop
So I can smile and laugh and be loving
When is my next therapy session is coming

Tick tick tick tick....
Bang!
A textbook slammed on my desk to pull me back to class from where i was lost.

A clock. A simple object sometimes a simple distraction with a tick sound that for most is easily blocked out.
Not me.

My brain is wrapped in train tracks with overflowing pit stops an non of it ever shuts down, the train is constantly going at full speed and randomly will come to an abrupt stop at a pit stop not of my choosing.

So while sitting in a room with everyday items and situations every and anything is something alien to my brain. My eyes never knowing where to look like two scared trapped creatures trying to find a way out, left right left right up down up down corner to corner to corner .

My hands constantly fumbling with something, my toes wiggle or i shake my legs kinda how you shake your water bottle when you want the flavor powder to mix with the water, oh while i was thinking of that im now in trouble because I've drifted away from my seat and have been touching random supplies and talking to everyone but its ok i made my teacher and everyone else laugh so im not as in much trouble but i have to sit back down and focus on the lesson which is i don't understand bc all i hear when someone speaks is the sound you hear when the adults speak in the peanuts.

Before i realize what im doing i find my self with pencil in had doodling on my desk spirals an squiggles along with funny the characters , i wonder if anyone else notices the fly on the window, what if its literally spying on us gathering information to inform the bug an insect armies they are being trained to take out humans.

Tick tick tick tick...
My eyes dart over to the direction of the sound to find myself back at the clock and its like i jump out my body and dive into the clock which is full of crazy fast moving gears that i run on and jump from one to the other following the sound of the ticking because i swear theres a tiny room hidden in the clock and the sound can be changed.

While I'm traveling around my weird clock world when someone speaks to me i freak out because my ears finally register there's something else wanting to be heard and then everything shatters i jump back into my body an spazz out like whoah who's that who are you what are you saying why are you speaking to me Oh! Its only Rachel the friend I've had since like 2nd grade.

The days are so different, sometimes I'm a social crazy person who talks till you tell me to shut up and im constantly wanting to go to stuff and sometimes im difficult to keep under control while others days the world freaks me out i mumble my words i can't think or speak and i get anxiety that builds and builds up pressure till i breakdown, people make me nervous, large crowds give me panic attacks, talking to someone or having to answer something makes me want to cry until the room fills up with tears like alice in wonderland.
I'll stare at you and while you speak but i can't hear you my brain doesn't process your words or that your actually there, i look at you but i don't see you, i look at your lips an there clearly moving but i can't hear the sounds or make out the words , I've probably only been focused on your tiny freckle under your right eye that most wouldn't notice unless you pointed it out.

Then there are outbursts that are so confusing, like ill freak out if your clicking a pen maybe i didn't yesterday but today i know i will, you wanna have a conversation today? I think not because whatever you're talking about for some reason today it just ticks me off so i just want you to stop talking and leave me alone. Textbook on the left side instead of the right side of the table today well that is just not ******* ok with me so i sent your name and address down to hell on a post card. You wore purple shoes today? Well ******* DUDE THAT MAKES ME ANGRY AS HELL FOR SOME REASON I DON'T UNDERSTAND. While at time the mirror becomes an enemy an seeing my reflection makes my blood boil and makes me want to smash it into a million pieces.

Im on a constant rollercoaster and my head is a chaotic fair everyday. Simple tasks for you are daily battles i struggle with and i don't really understand myself but they don't need happy healthy kids who feel there in control of themselves an there actions. They need well behaved kids who make good grades and get acceptable test scores that do as there told.

So i get a doctor who will squiggle some stuff on a paper, tell all the parents to pump there kids with drugs when they don't act how they want then the teachers shove you in a tiny empty room with no one else so i take the test and get those test scores there dying for but i don't posters taken down or the stapler put in a drawer or the clock taken of the wall because those aren't my only distractions, im my own distraction i can escape inside my head for hours on end or i can stare at my hands for the whole day thinking of every detail on my hand in deep detail like its crazy.

A ****** for me is that i love art and i love writing but writing is hard i know i make alot mistakes but also sometimes my stories or poems or whatever im writing can change into something different or i go off topic because my brain never stops what ever pops into my head i write it as i think it even if I'm writing an essay on president Lincoln if cheetos pop into my head I'll start writing about like oh president Lincoln was the... man i like cheetos ya know there so orange an taste so good an like you can have crunchy or puffy, crunchy cheetos are my favorite i wonder if president Lincoln would've been a crunchy or puffy cheeto kind of man.

I need a big trash can for my brain.

As I swallow these torrid wave of rollercoaster emotions
seeping through every memory of me
Memories armed with regret and lustful vengeance, is the preferred word with which it speaks
A hateful seed born from betrayal of a godly union
Born from eternal love….
A love that now seethes with scythed hatred, words enflamed and vengeful, it’s only salvation
As the tears rains down with reality of a loving touch
now burns your skins thought
The emptiness is filled with burning hatred and stabbing sorrowed pain
The thought of their love sealed with your kiss, burns more deeply than thoughts of not existing
A eternal love lost
A betrayal your precestors will have imbedded to their soul forever
As your beautiful life force drips from a bitter sweet knifes edge
The angels whisper…….

Another gentle let down that feels like a meteor crashing into the earth,

All because I continue to let myself get so excited, and so hopeless.

Like leaning into the curves on a rollercoaster.

Dave - he said I'm going to make you **** a moose
Eric - he said to me yes A. Sturies you're another Walt Disney
Bucky - a real character who just talked baby talk
Leo - the black hebephrenic who'd wait with laughter at the most idle of chatter
Melvin G. - a hippie ex-Marine with PTSD who said the same thing happened to him that happened to me - being put in a straitjacket and flown out of stateside full territory getting roped into a serious "mental illness"
Melvin T. - a case of Tourette Syndrome, oh does he get insulting in my opinion
Tim - who's laugh and then cry, what an emotional rollercoaster I imagined him to be on
Bill - sort of a kind foreign bewildered stunned who waltzed around the work in circles for lock-up back in the day
Donald - who'd pretend to silence a doorknob on that same ward

For a decade or so
I believed that love
wasn't meant for me,
My heart denied any love

I stopped looking
The crushing breathless
scattered emotions
suffocated my will

Determined, I lived
in absolute solace
dreaded the dawn
longing for the moon

Fate, oh FATE

A rollercoaster ride
emotions drowning
My soul
My heart

Fate, oh FATE

On a day when love
and disbelief carried my
fragile heart
I looked into your eyes

An extraordinary moment
Our hearts felt every heartbeat
in our chests
and my soul danced

        ...to a glorious twist of fate

throughout the barrier between hot with cold you will do as you were told
awake the morning light awake for the vision turned to light like circus glue in flight
shake through pillars of blasted smoke chosen to prey although to live by sight
there are barriers taught through a loose nut wire plain for immense wire gone wild

I'm above now beneath the alter gel going rollercoaster try to bust ya
Vape as high as a thought regard triple double with  the mascara
the frig keeps the government exposed immense the lottery chose
beautiful...loveable dipped in spice with every thing nice to help your the dice

Simple fate at words to date as sense for the cemetery we chief aim to please
words to live you must be willing to forgive & eat the bread
chambers fed up with the swig of a news light deal
Death Metal

shock to the brain
with fresh words to help explain
theatre of pain
for the sake of energy
help willingness to please
dig your roots deep
deeper then ever before
look to stare at the sky
prisoners sought to kiss are extreme

how would you feel , if you let yourself to be concealed?
will you get the nightmares or the scars would just ne healed?
have you ever just paused walking on ther stairs?
The crowd closed in all around bringing you to tears
You searched for the moon, thought went too far
But have a look around darling, landed on a star
you speak, you scream to pount out your ambition
Ever gave it a thought? Do they want to listen?
Was it the scream that came out loud or was it the voice you wishper
oh ups and downs greets enoughs, one hell of a rollercoaster
Here I standc carrying all your fame and your shame
If they say a one word poem , I'll write your name
Your flaws are known, they're pretty beautiful I'm sure
I believe you're a happy ending , not everyone can wait for
Never been so easy to seek a persobn in darkness my friend
I know your story reached the bottom page
But I promise you that its not even near its end

my mom is yelling about something so miniscule it shouldn't be an issue and how dare i speak up but i'm getting fed up but she's on this constant emotional rollercoaster you never know when she will crash or how the alcohol will react

my dad is getting frustrated with the nonsense and stress is consuming him every day threatening his health but he can't confide in his wife so he goes to his daughter instead

my sister is getting **** at school from kids who are insecure with themselves so they feel they need to take it out on soft souls like herself and there's nothing i can seem to do

my boy is not my boy anymore and he used to be one of my best friends but now i can barely look him in the eye without beginning to cry and right now i wish he were hugging me rather than ******* up my head

my friends are unreachable at the times i need to talk since there's no way to contact them when the night marches on so i sit alone and try to figure this out myself, i'd hate to bother them anyways

my head is ******* spinning and i feel dizzy and sick like i'm going insane but i'm not sure if i want to scream and hit the walls or lay still in bed unable to move at all

my life feels messy and i don't know what to fix first, it should probably be myself but i just can't be a priority

s.s

Two friends
Since they could remember
Anything went wrong
Who
What
Where
When and
Why
Would always be the words to say when
Upset
Angered
Depressed
Beyond excited and
Whenever they just wanted to talk
As time flew
His love grew for her
Never told her
But did things for her
She never forgot all he did
Graduation came
Summer flying by
College nearing
He went west
She chose South
She grew sick second semester
Sicker and sicker
Went home
To the doctor
The news hit harder than a first break up
She called him
He dropped out
Went to her aid
He asked her
Who
What
Where
When
Why
She told him
Who would be cancer
What is exactly what I said
Where my lung
When I called you was when I found out
Why is what I am still asking
He let out thousands of raindrops
She couldn’t say anything
But join him
Months flew and
Wasn’t getting better
He asked her
“Is there anything you want to do before?”
She stopped him right there
“Don’t say it”
“I want to marry and have a family
Kids
And grow old”
He never told her that he had a ring
He got down right there
She choked
But got out yes
Months went by
Her disease was a rollercoaster
But years went by
And one day
A chance to say goodbye
Was a one way
Not realizing months Later cleaning up
He found her letter
Broke down one last time
For her
His love never grew old

He is a dangerous temptation to my soul,
an explosive and strong beat in my mouth,
a rollercoaster ride spinning me out of control,
sheer seduction running through my cells
as I drown inside the swirling sea storm.

My morning eyes
Get their shine
Looking on their smile.
World has billion of lives
In mine just two resides.
Rollercoaster life
Becomes fine
When they are along my side.
Want their lips to always smile.