I book the same apartment, for the same dates, for another year
The hall creaks so desperately now that you are not here

I go to the same spots, for the same time, walking the same way
I miss the warmth of your hand, the cold caresses without consent, a reminder that I couldn't make you stay

In the evening I sit on the beach and light up a cigarette, like I used to when I was with you
I feel the kiss of the salty sea spray against my face, a ghostly reminder of the one true, whose feeling I cannot replace

Dreams come and often go,
But you are the deam that will not let go.

A dream that  weights my stomach but leaves hollow my chest,
An after taste that reminds me of you at your best.

Attached to memories I secretly cherish and to me do gently sing,
It is not that l o n g  for you but closure that you will never bring.

I always thought time would heal these wounds,
Emotional trauma from years past,
Forgotten by the abuser but never  by the victim.
We play pretend,
Acting as though all is well, like a well rehearsed scene from a hollywood film.
But a stiffness has set in and the take no longer looks believable,
The director calls cut!
Unaware of the fatigue and mental strain his little puppets are under, trapped within their contractual silence.
There is no expression of their pain, they are not reflected in this adaption.
So here I am drinking on a thursday, because as the bottle becomes emptied of liquor, it quickly fills again with the fear, anxiety and confusion that will always be repressed.

I don't know you but I want to
I don't know you but I dream of you
I don't know you but I wait for your call
I don't know you, I don't know you at all.

I don't know you but I feel close to you
I don't know you but I overdose on you
I don't know you but still I wait for your call
I don't know you, I don't know you at all.

I don't know you but I tried to
I don't know you but I would have died to
I don't know you but I'm still expecting your call
So who am I? When I don't know you at all.

Trapped inside this pen, I write the words but they never show on these pages
Try as I may I know the ink has been dry for ages
Bottled up but never sent,
The water in which my darkest insecurities flow does not make it past the dam that builds up as a lump in my throat

It’s depth, which was once only two foot deep, has now become fifty and I am left to drown in self pity

That was until you, a wandering deer, took a chance in the currents that had claimed many before.

It starts a spark in my stomach, a passion from down in my soul, my heart only plays to the sound of rock and roll.
My eyes ignite a blaze, you're caught in their gaze, trapped behind the glass of their fiery glaze.
"I would do anything for love" is all that will play, the fire is more than my stare can contain, together our bodies erupt into inferno. Each kiss is tender but wild, each touch is soft but violent, each moment is peaceful but chaotic. 
Every spit and crackle from the fiery blaze is an emotion we can no longer conceal. You unleash it all upon me, every raw ounce of feeling that has suffocated your heart. It fills me up and with every breath it pumps through my veins corrupting my soul, it's flame once red now burns deeper blue.
I've lost myself in you, together we are locked in two, caught in your cage, you begin to steal my flame. Distracted by the way you call my name, I do not feel the pain, suffocating in the sweet symphonies of your body.  
The passion in your eyes, ignites a fire in your soul, your heart now only plays to the sound of rock and roll.

What happens when we take our last breath?
Do we know? Or like with all the moments that fill our lives, does it pass us by?
Do we ever savour moments? Or is the savouring of a moment in fact another moment?
Like with all the questions I have ever asked in life, I am left with more questions and rarely ever answers.
So don't question, just do.
Don't think, just feel.
Don't just speak, act.
Because who knows what happens when we take our last breath.