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In the middle of the floor
Lies a pile of clothes
*****, unwashed
Like a body
Without a soul

What we make of ourselves
When we lose ourselves
When we lose our souls
Before death takes over
What do we hold so dear

I am like you
Always counting my winnings
Who cares what all that we have lost
Along the way
Time to move on
And find closure
They say

I laugh at myself
To myself
The pain
You will forget it soon

Get over it, they say
But it will linger till the day
They cut off your clothes
And drop them on the floor
M. N. R.
02 MAY 2021
What you look for
In the corners of your past
What you thought would last
Forever, didn't last

What happened
To the dreams
We dreamt big
Bigger than life itself

Just never had the time
Got too busy
Dreaming big
Bigger than life itself

Did you find
What you were looking for
Are you still looking for
What to look for
When you go looking for

In life
We go in circles
Of dreams
And nightmares
Or the dreams become those nightmares
We had nightmares about
When we had dreams
M. N. R.
31 MARCH 2020

Here I sit at the crossroads, everything is still, even the time doesn't move.

Who cares, I have lived ten thousand years, I have lived a hundred lives, you get used to the human vagaries, the lies and pretensions. It is life, it doesn't mean a thing.

We live a lie, and after our death our lies are affirmed in our obituaries and our eulogies by those who knew us little and those who finally found some love that never existed.

A drunk and abusive father is remembered as hard working and loving family man, a drug addicted woman becomes a loving, caring and doting mother. Who cares, truth was never a strong suit of humanity.

What will you be remembered for, it doesn't matter anyway. In some other realm, in another dimension all is forgiven. Only if we could forgive ourselves and make peace with the one we refuse to admit ever existed. Self is too proud. It is not the ghosts that haunt us, it is reflection in the mirror that keeps us awake, it is the "what if", if we have enough intelligence to admit our losses.

From beyond the walls of now, I hear my own cries, my lamentations, I tug at my chains, to escape my hell, what if, what if, what if.

What does it take, to ease this pain, another shot of whiskey, another Xanax, another nameless ****, another transgression against my SELF, to forget myself, to forgive my sins.

What next my friend, are we going into nothingness, or do we try it all over again, until we are perfect, until we are prepared to become one. Hell may not exist, but the time is real, it is the punishment, it is enough punishment just to remember what we could have been.

M. N. R.
08 OCTOBER 2019
Part 8

What are we
A puff of smoke
A breath of air
A beat of heart

What are we
Is what we make
Of ourselves
That sets us apart

I push through the crowds
Elbowing my way
Going past
Going fast

To where nothingness
Is all that there is
Finding life
In death
A reincarnation
And rebirth of that old soul

M. N. R.
15 JULY 2019

We have the power
To destroy
And the power
To self destruct
If we chose

Of course a power not used
Is no power at all
And the power used to self destruct
Is still power indeed

And that is where
Power of self control is paramount
Where the power of self awareness matters
(Are you aware)

Have you ever used your power
To self destruct
Have you ever used the power
Of self control

It matters still
In matters great and small
When you use that power
To control others
And then the revolt follows
And the power used to control others
Swings back at you
Like a snake

M. N. R.
15 MAY 2019

It is the beginning of the end
Where dreams come crashing
All those brave facades
When they start to crumble

And I do a double take
At the ashes left behind me
The storm has just started
I see the dark clouds that rumble

No it is not mine
A death by a thousand cuts
It is called life, full of surprises
It is so called life, that makes one humble

No, I do not seek
The punishment or take vengeance
I keep my smile and I know
When a tree falls, or a castle will tumble

Yes there are signs in my voices
There are signs in my words
There are signs that I see
Each time I stumble

M. N. R.
26 MARCH 2019

1 Kings 18:22

Pretty sure you won't believe
If I say that I care
At a certain level I do
At a certain level you fail me
You don't want to listen

I warn
I beg and plead
It's a trap I made myself
And I know
You know that

I have no easy choices
You break your vows
You ask for punishment as promised
You were told

You know I am a liar
When I say I am being nice
I know you are a liar as well
And the game is constant

In my dark hours
When you are closer to me than my own skin
And I see the blood pour out from your every pore
And we are one agian

I want to help
And you won't ask
No promises
No safe words
No commitment
No gain
I wait
Your call

M. N. R.
06 MARCH 2019
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