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The floor beneath my feet creaked
It’s been silent in this room for a week
Your body was found right where i’m sitting
The words on this letter have my head splitting
How could you be okay with leaving like this
All i can do is cry and clench my fists
I’m so angry that you left me here alone
Why didn’t i just pick up my phone
Maybe if i did you’d-
Maybe you’d still be here
I hope this made your pain disappear
Are you okay with knowing you’ve broken us
Or have all your memories turned to dust
Gone like you
I miss you
You’re so selfish I just don’t get it
After a week the feeling finally hit
You’re actually gone
What did we do wrong
We all loved you and showed that we cared
Why couldn’t you just get scared
What did you even have to fear
The love was always right here
Maybe we didn’t love you enough
Or maybe we loved a little too rough
Either way you’re gone and i hate you
i hate you so much i’m turning blue
Now look what you’ve got me doing
What happened to the dream you were pursuing
I can’t help but punch your bed
What was going on inside your head
Couldn’t you just talk to me at all
Or is that why you had called
Why didn’t i answer the phone call
I’m begging to god as i sit here and fall
It wasn’t your time to go yet
I keep thinking about how we met
Just little kids at the same school
We always thought we were so cool
Especially riding our bikes to the shop
Shared the same bus stop
We’d always race to the top of the street
I’m lying here crying on your sheets
I’m sobbing in my sheets
I thought about not doing it
Even tried to call for a bit
I just wanted to hear your voice again
Maybe it would help ease this pain
I’m sorry i didn’t say goodbye
I’m just done living this lie
I pretend i’m happy but inside it hurts
Only seems to keep getting worse
Tried talking about it but no one listens
Yet they always ask why i seem so distant
I know you think you love me but you don’t
I can’t keep on going so i guess i won’t
Don’t think of this as my suicide letter
I just hope this makes it a little better
When I leave the world will still spin round
I’ll be buried six feet beneath the ground
Look inside my head and you might get sick
Life is a disease, it’s just one big tick
Slowly draining my existence
Keep your distance
I’m tired of being let down
I’m sick of letting you down
Every single day i drown
Misery’s popular in my town
Suicidal thoughts since i was ten
Cried for help, was told to be a man
Developed a strong hatred for men
Have the worst of luck with women
Tried to end it multiple times
Went savage and committed multiple crimes
Looked for any excuse to start a fight
Drinking every night because it felt right
Avoided mirrors and degraded myself
Took pills, washed it down with what was left
Of the bottle known as my only friend
I ponder when my life will end
Took matters into my own hands
It feels like no one understands
I don’t think i’ll ever be okay
I’m sick of hearing what they say
Tell me it’s fine, that i’ll get through this
When deep inside of me there’s an abyss
One i can’t seem to get rid of
No matter how hard i push and shove
This feeling of being empty
I think about this plenty
I’m sick and tired of feeling this way
I’m sick and tired of today
I’m sick and Tired
My biggest enemy is me
I may be miserable but i’m free
How can i be enough for someone else
When i’m not even enough for myself
I despise the person i see in the mirror
With everyday the reason gets clearer
I find comfort in being broken
Rather be lonely on this path i’ve chosen
All i know is abandonment, neglect, and pain
Which is why i find peace in the rain
I stare at myself and question my worth
Thinking of the day i’ll leave this earth
I shatter anything that could be good
Maybe i’m just misunderstood
I’m not a good person
My pain will only worsen
Because i want it to
i’m scared of something new
Whenever i have hope it’s quickly lost
Lost so many things but what’s the cost
I closed my eyes and counted to ten
Decided then i’ll never try again
So when things start to look up
Leave it to me, to self destruct
Gabriel Mallory Nov 2020
Forget everything I said
I’ll be alone until I’m dead
The voice in my head was right all along
The bottom of this bottle is where I belong
It’s about time I stepped on the brakes
About time I gave my heart a break
My minds a dark place but I feel safe there
Sure it hurts but at least I’ll be aware
I know where the pain is hitting
I torture myself and it’s fitting
I deserve all the hate I get
Tried against my odds and lost the bet
When I hear your name part of me shatters
you’re happy and that’s all that matters
you made me feel whole again
but now my heart has hardened
i wish i wasn’t so in love with you
especially when you text out the blue
i get happy to know you still need to use me
and i’ll go wherever you need me to go
i’d tell you anything you’d want to know
i would do whatever it was you asked of me
show you the flaws of my history
i’d be there and i’d do that
do anything to have your back
but you’re better off without me here
no one cares to wipe my tears
i’ll only start to make things worse
and this is why love’s a curse
Gabriel Mallory Nov 2020
Some things are better left alone
some days i’m better off my phone
waiting for that text that’ll never come
back’s against the wall i refuse to run
i’ve run from so many problems in the past
i told myself that she’d be the last
and so she was, the last person i truly loved
can’t remember the last time i was hugged
i feel so empty and broken inside
last time i think i actually died
nothings been the same since that attempt
maybe that’s why i always feel contempt
tell me you hate me, hit me as i cry on the floor
don’t stop if you see blood, hit me some more
this is what i told you i deserve
there’s a part of me that you’ll always reserve
which means i’ll never be happy again
i’ll never feel the way i did when i was ten
once i turned eleven you showed up
i took you in like i would a lost pup
except you knew exactly where you were
you’re the cause of this pain i endure
you make me tired when i’m wide awake
you’re the reason i want to drown in a lake
i don’t know how much more i can take
even if i heal it won’t be long before i break
don’t you see old friend, i’ve given up already
shaking as i type there’s no way to keep steady
breathing’s uneasy
stomach’s feeling queasy
blade in my hand, i’m prepared for the end
congrats depression, you’ve won old friend
Gabriel Mallory Oct 2020
I gave you my damaged heart
Trusted you, but you tore it apart
In the corner thinking in the dark
Stabbed me deep, you really hit the mark
I don’t want you on my mind
Never knew love would be so hard to find
You put me in the mood to get wasted
I’ll never forget the way your breath tasted
The little noises you make while you sleep
Cuddling while we listen to Lil Peep
I know you don’t mean it but you tear me apart
We knew it wasn’t a good idea from the start
I’m sorry I caught these stupid feelings
Wish we could go back to the beginning
Avoid any complications and just stay friends
I hope it doesn’t but I’m scared of how this ends
I break my heart and you hurt my head
Can’t shake the feeling that I’m better off dead
The thought of losing you absolutely breaks me
Maybe that’s the way it has to be
I’m just not good for anyone
If only I could’ve gotten the job done
Maybe the world would be a better place
Hating myself while tears go down my face
I know this situation is all my fault
Think it’s time to just store my heart in a vault
Throw it in the cold bottom of a lake
Hope no one finds it for their sake
And here I am turning my pain into art
Don’t feel bad, I’m the one who tears me apart
Gabriel Mallory Oct 2020
Sometimes I forget how young you are
Crazy you’re my best friend yet you live so far
You meet people in the weirdest ways
Back on zombies on bo4 I’ll never forget the days
Friendship started cause of a YouTube comment
And it doesn’t matter where our dads went
You’ve been a huge part of my life
I plan to be there the day you marry your wife
Which lets be honest it’s gonna be Amelia
Hopefully she never becomes like Sheila
But seriously you two are perfect together
I’ve got no doubt you two will last forever
She knows if she hurts you I’ll be on my way
Never find the body far away from the bay
Or maybe 6 ft beneath the ground
Okay enough messing around
Thank you kris for always sticking around
October 10th a king was crowned
Might be an ocean away but you’re my bro bro
Even if you’re short and look like my big toe
You might not be the best player ever right
You’ll always be my dude for Dead by Daylight
It’s always a wave of emotions when we play
Like will we scream, laugh, or both today
I’ll be here to keep your playlist updated
You’re a human who will never be hated
Genuinely one of the best people I know
Even if sometimes you act like a (you know)
I hope today you have an amazing time
Like youngboy, boy you my slime
My brother you’ll always have my trust
Unless we’re playing among us
Swear you’ve stabbed me in the back too much
It’s okay cause sometimes you come in clutch
I don’t know what else to say
Except you ugly kiddo HAPPY BIRTHDAY
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