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46n8 Jan 28
It’s important to try to see the god in things,

I’m not really religious these days,

And I never studied theology in any capacity,



Religion in most senses,

as far as I can discern,

Is at the end of the day,

A source of peace,

A fire to warm our hands around,

A bench to take the burden from our knees,

Something we can use to rally ourselves on the inside,

and carry on.

And I’m not the first to say this,

But that’s why I see god in the eyes of a friend I haven’t spoken to in years and still knows me better than most I speak to daily,

In the sound of my niece's excited rushed voice as she tears open gifts on Christmas morning,

The inconsistent and creaky vibration of my tower fan as it stands watch over the otherwise silent darkness of my room at the end of a long day,

What is god to you?
46n8 Dec 2023
As another year has ticked by,

                       This one was especially a blur,

And For a long stretch of it,

      The days passed like breaths in an

anxiety attack,

  Quick and sharp,

          With little lasting impact,

I realized recently how much of my last year was spent toiling. Giving myself fully to something in the hope of being better again.

                     Carrying my candle,

                     Trusting the process.

   In the end I’ve not a lot to show for it but **** did it feel good to feel a fire for something again. In some sort of roundabout way I ~Feel~ as though I’ve ~Felt~ very little at ~All~ this year. Which is a statement that marks this year as standing in stark contrast to the previous one, and is only true romantically.

I had a dream about cutting my hair,

And hating the results,

I googled the meaning and supposedly it can mean taking control of your life,


Supposedly, that you’re having a hard time with a decision and your subconscious is telling you to think twice about it.

Among other, assumably equally applicable interpretations.

I think it’s because I have been thinking about cutting my hair a lot.

I’m not sure what the next year will hold,

I still warm my hands over the wick of my candle,

Hopeful as ever to see another year tick bye.
46n8 Dec 2023
I used to write such beautiful things,

About such beautiful things,

On and on would go my enamored rambling,

Like the longest winded songbird on the years first Snowy morning,

My head would spin as I turned to take it all in,

The blur in my eyes as they dart from side to side could lead a Pagan to consider a God,

Each microsecond my eyes could process could’ve been framed and hung in a gallery,

Each with its own placard listing important details, noting the set and setting of each shock across the meat inside my skull,

I used to write such beautiful things,
About such beautiful things,

But a beautiful thing about those beautiful things,

Is that even if you close your eyes and do your best to ignore them,

Or lie to yourself and try to see them as ugly,

They are still there, waiting for you to peel your eyes back open,

And remind you how beautiful,

This whole thing is
Uh huh,

okay then.
46n8 Nov 2023
It’s still such a conundrum,

The way it hurts to remember,

But to die at the the thought of forgetting
46n8 Sep 2023
It’s been a long time,

And by now I’m mostly numb,

But still,

Watching you bleach the canvas,

Watching you clean all the stains,

Like a thief hiding every scrap of evidence,

Ridding your legacy of all our transgressions,

My throat tightens,

My eyes water,

My nose burns,

It’s fine,

Pinky promise,

I’ll keep my pieces safe for us,

Pinky promise.
46n8 Jun 2023
I shut you out of my life as a last effort,

Some sort of dead man’s hand,

Now we don’t speak,

Now I  write all the things I wish I could say to you here,

And hope maybe, you’ll see them,

And maybe you’ll read them in my voice,

And for just a second,

I’ll occupy your thoughts,

And you’ll think back to all the good times,

The way I do so often.
Picking the scabs off of old wounds, just for the thrill.
46n8 Jun 2023
Ive stopped making poems and art out of everyone I encounter beyond the surface.

I’ve stopped making myself a Martyr to my own feelings,

I’ve stopped forcing gorgeous jewels upon the crown of regular people.
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