I have never witnessed true beauty until I first laid eyes upon you.

Dear Jessica,

I admit to you that you are the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my life. You have single handed changed my perception on the way I see beauty.
Your hair is fantastic. I love the many styles that you can really pull off; the tight bun in particular. Your face is as beautiful as a million foxes. I love staring into your dark beautiful eyes. I can sometimes get lost in your timeless eyes. Your nose is almost as cute as you are. Your lips are the most kissable lips, they are my favourite lips. I can kiss your lips all day, everyday. They are the only lips that make me happy.
Your smile is the greatest smile in the world. Never have I ever melted from a smile but you changed that. From your awkward smile to your "I love you so much," smile, I always melt inside. Your face is the warmest face to hold, to which I love holding. I love hearing your voice, your voice is like home to me.
Your neck is very great for kissing and giving hickies. I love giving you hickies. As well, you have a nice thin neck that girls would **** to have. Your shoulders are my favourite place, after your thighs, to rest my head on. May you have your scars on your shoulder, I will always accept you and love you no matter what. You have the most perfect *****. Your ***** are exactly the perfect size that I would like ***** to be. You also have nice ******* which in really greatful for. Your belly button is my favourite belly button and I love tickling it and kissing it. Your hands. Your hands are perfect fit for mine. Holding your hand is like putting on a glove that fits so well and feels so nice and warm. I love holding your hand. I use these hands for my basic survival and so do you and the fact that we take a moment to stop all that and connect with each other, it's so lovely. I've never felt so happy holding someone so closely by my side and showing them off to the world, having the world know that you're all mine. Your ****** is the greatest source of pleasure in the world, 'nuf said.
Your thighs are my favourite place to rest my head on. Your knees are so perfect and pure, I'm jealous. Your feet are so warm and precious when you put them up to mine for warmth when we're cuddling.
Jessica, you are the most amazing person in the world. There is no one I'd rather have.
You are so caring; you care about me, you worry for me, you actually take interest in what I have to say. You are alwaaays there for me; may it be something that you have no interest in or if I'm feeling insecure, I know that you'll always be there for me and will always listen. I don't know how you do it, but you put up with all my ****; I know I haven't been the greatest person to you at times and the fact that you go beyond that and still love me with all your heart just makes me melt completely. As well, you actually want to be apart of my life, doing everything with me, just being closer to me.
You honestly do so much for me, I sometimes don't even realize it to be honest. You are the greatest girlfriend that I've ever had, you are the greatest girlfriend that anybody would be lucky to have.
Jessica, you are so amazing. You're such a great painter and you're such a nice person. You have like the nicest style. You're also the smartest girl I've ever been into/dated. You're reallly smart. You think you're sometimes not that smart, but you're actually really smart.
I just want you apart of my life completely.
I love cuddling with you. That connection that we have, just laying together in each others' arms, it's so magical. I feel like I'm in another world when I'm with you. You've honestly made me a better man. I love spending time with you. We've been through soo much together, I can happily say that I am ready to spend the rest of my life with you. We also are so perfect for each other. May we not have exactly the same interests,  we have soo many things in common. And it's the fact that we're so different that makes me so attracted to you. I don't want another me, I want a Jessica. I'm so happy to have you, I'm the lucccckiest guy in the world to have you as my own forever. All those resteraunts we go to, all our little dates at my house, all the times we go to that park near your house, it's just so perfect.
I'm truly in love with you.
I know we've had our mistakes and issues in the past, but I promise that I will do whatever to fix our relationship because I value and cherish it.
Jessica, I honestly love the **** out of you.
You are mine forever.
I am so happy.

Suddenly my body.
I stand on the floor
It's my home
For now it's my home
That's what we call it,
When words are used to speak
All those meanings we barely know
Where this floor is i stand,
My home.
But there's a body between us
In this world, my home, there's body between us,
Road fence and time between us
And a little grey but not in colour

I was built to live only this day
Not tomorrow or yesterday
And when i look look look
It seems like life lives his life in a tree
Because that's where i've found it all
Though who am i
The world fits into both these eyes only when it ever stops changing
But it
It will never

And maybe if then the world would recreate itself each day
And how could we ever know
In each day some theory could be truth
They all have in  common that it brought us here today.
No.
Nonono.
Only use the words that you can open into tunnels
(but only if you want to)

But where am i
Here
With the need to ecsape
Yes
First my body
I wished it
I wished
Only if the cage were made harder on the ouside rather than the inside
Then i might not be moulded
Pressed into corners and outer edges

First my body
Escape escape escape

Then find me someplace
Oh wow never have i written words like this way now
they are just like
They are like like my feet walking and they take me
Do i have to think to step
No i do not,
Only sometimes,
Now, see?
Words like foot steps on this day.
My feet keep shaking now.

Because there i am
Listen,
Leaving the world
I see this blue arch
That each day the sun kisses.
And at least one thousand faces only
I feel them smiling
And of course there are birds
Soundless ones
If my pupils might draw lines into the sky as they followed
They might leave trails there like a plane
Carry all those lives i will never  know
(just as the world does)

So i kept breathing
The world
And the world was hard to breathe
Like it was made for someone else.

To the mirror and the window
I almost searched
I don't know where i find this person,
Me.
Where did i see them more.

Find a safe space
Hibernate.
When my body runs, barely moving
And the voice runs along there beside it
(somehow i fall behind the world)
Tells me "i need a place, i need a place, to hide, my very own place"
Then it needs a place
Place to hide
You can see there
In the pace
Pacing
On ground when it's too real on my feet and so
Breathing and stepping.
When my eyes are hard lakes and the tears grow around.
Talking talking to myself

Oh wow oh wow oh wow
A den a den a den
A space
My place
Place of my own and escape
Oh wow.
Hibernate.
The smallest place to find some space.

There,
i find a need that's mine
Growing in me
Give me space, but none to move

My guitar my blanket the headboard of my bed,
They tell it to me nicely,
(a gentle falling)
But they won't hold me until.
And they won't find
The softer beating to put into this heart space
Smoother air to feel in this mouth

But cushions and cushions
Cushions
Every single one in this whole room
Scarf pillow and duvet
Piled in books and books
Only these lights could glow somehow like a fire
Little place i find myself

Keep me safe from my own self
But more so
More so i'm sorry
keep me safe from their every kindness.

Little hidden place
Walls of comfort
Holds me even like this body
Till this body shook and shook
Tills the hands that grip it together
slipped apart
and they slip
Till i slip through the fingers
Of the words and sounds that are me
But now here's a body.

I think my back
the bone
Backbone won't hold me up alone.

But there it is i'm not
I'm not like a flag on a flag pole

Some ribbon maybe
Like a ribbon piece
I see a willow fence
Green and life
A ribbon moves there
And tied on a willow fence
Am i a ribbon or like a handwritten wish
I dont know

I can't feel the wind.
But the wind
This thing with the wind
It's told me things about myself
But reallly
what i look for
I don't look, i don't look
And if i lose my eyes
i will see sunlight still
And where it moves
on my arms and on my legs.

Shivering and shivering
I do shiver
I do dedicate my life to living
But little
Little place,

Curled and curled
and curled into myself until hardly a thing,
Can i lose my eyes here
But could i sleep and sleep and sleep in this body
And in every space around it
until i find i am awake.

This depression gives the impression

that the expression of a burnout is…

me

living and loving intently free

prison depends on jailhouse babies and legal **** ; weee!

we must organize expression of a quantum size, to re-realize more food and supplies

its such a surprise that id be thinkin this, engineering instruments with a pnuematic hiss

geared towards the questioned technocolypse….

“…well here on the graph we read an elipse, a parabola, and a demonic kiss…”

But whats this?

im’ channeling some quick quips ; alluring as a brothel’s contained hips with the open smile of sideways lips….

my daring is preparing all the world for destructive repairing

cause the frogs and the rains are staring

at this desolate earth

a burnt out hearth

with smouldering ashes, speaking of a crying birth

while the midwife is sick and shy with little self worth and curse; because a as a witch she doth rehearse

while the moonlights smiling and the phones texting and dialing

“Whats wrong?”==”Are you ok?”

“…but come on?”==”Is there any other way?…”

[please oh please let me stay in this old and bloodied fray; where the battles had axes and handles

where there were stories of travels, to faraway places leading to exotic geographic stasis]

caught in the moment of thought, a moment of fright…

until we stop and put a light to these wierd words

we wont know what the birds have heard….

Click crshhh….*

BURN little match like the wood you are!

combustion of suggestion set ablaze from afar

a flame throwers burned hands

while the pained sower , frustrated, changes plans

because in the end one one really understands

the torment of a floment spent eternally alone in atonement.

(=purgatory)

Where all you want to do is get on the phone, external validation felt at the tone,

but it really ain’t ****

because you are crying while its dialing and your out of minutes…

so check this bits of imaginary meaning and ****

ponder and quit

when you seek to make amends and introduce fake men to our imaginary friends

i keep on thinking…keep on blinking

wishing for emotion to extend

SO I think the words

AND I write whats heard

but haven’t YOU heard

from the little ittie birdie whos been certainly flying, singing and free

that im not mentaly sturdy, quirky, and ******…

LOGICALLY

iknow

sophistry

ishow

emotionally

Hol…………­……………loW

I guess it just goes to show that when you at home your never reallly  alone, because to you, the voices do drone
about

how much sandpaintings and ***** can be blown,….

away with a CLICK…BoooM

beaten with a stick….AH

shoed a away with a kick….

START my heart! I know better than this!

so I better think quick

before i stay mentally sick

as an alien who has forgotten it’s world

got on a roller coaster; spinned and whirled

till im spun and twirl’d

on this game we call life, with simple **** and complex hype,

hives of concepts meanings and thoughts….to derive daily quit failing

i miss haley :( , even phailee….

so I ask little voice in my head , since everyone has left will you stay instead?

come a little closer and hop into bed

so we can share the warmth of one last self-referencing infinity loop….

…..BEFORE i wake up and forget whats ashore

because im out at dream sea with clouds free and galore

but as soon as i stop thinking i know ill return to the me that i abhore

with pain and saddness deranged

omit school so classless and strange

as a failed out actress sick with mange.

but i know these negatvie moments are just flashes , to make me appreciate self motivated happiness…

so here you go

its me on the page, skelly the sage….

i just hope to god that I could set the stage 4 nirvana or heaven, we reach zion in seven

6

5

4

3

2

1

I love you.

Its over

i won myself over

like a sad kids redrover

thanks for letting  m3 share these freestyle thoughts i kant bear

im  alone no more, i seem to have exhausted my sadness store

and after venting i realize…. its a lot ******* bettor.

“Isn’t it eeeire howletting yourself feel sad

can make you feel soo much better?”

If you're wondering why I wake up every morning with a twinkle in my eye,
It's the sun knocking at my window.

If you're wondering why I walk fluidly, like I know where I'm going,
I don't know, but it's the air that carries me.

If you're wondering why I look as if I'm confused or not reallly there,
It's those dreams in the daytime, as if I'm in a different world.

And if you're wondering why I smile at you like I do,
It's probably because I love you.

Mae.B

i didn't believe in ghosts until the day you left me
'cause you've been haunting me from then until now
and i've left your memory where it's meant to be
back where nothing that you say can ever reallly hurt me
the flowers that sit beneath me rest cleanly on the grass
above the dirt and the buried and especially the past
if nothing changes people the way that broken hearts do
i'll wish a million boys to do to you what you did me

we could have been perfect we could have made history
but now you've turned us into a ****** scene from a mystery
i don't understand what could compel you so
all i wanted was walks and coffee and happiness
but you've acted ravenous and captured me in elaborate schemes
so i stay attached to this acrobatic ecstatic mess of static
i'm lost in my head and it's lost in yours
but your loss for words has me at a loss for words

lament
You're so far away yet so close
Between what we have and what we know
Is there a space for what we need
Or must we always disagree

it never ends we never ends,
it never ends we never ends,
its never really began

Do we go on without a need
Pretending we don't ever feel
dancing round like a facade
Day after day oh its so hard

it never ends we never end
it never ends we never end
its never really begun

Like Continents apart and never met
something somehow seems to say
It would be more than just ok
So lament your now and toast your past
For what may be a dream..
Could be your last.

it never ends we never ends,
it never ends we never ends,
it never really began

id like to meet and see your face
Hear your voice and watch you smile
Maybe want to hold you tight
I need you in my arms tonight

Oh never end oh never end,
Oh never end h never end,
weve reallly just began

If a dream and wishes are all ive got
Then help me see where I've gone wrong
what do I do now to make you see
and spend you life with me
Don’t let it end, don’t let it end
Don’t let it end Don’t let it end

it's bothersome,
how I let this thing well up in my throat,
time and time again.
   and pretend that it's okay,
   that you hurt me as much as you do,
   when in reality it is really not.
you are so beautiful,
everything you do,
and you will never believe it.
   so in return I get pushed away,
   and you see how far you can push me,
   until I stop coming back.
but we both know that will never happen,
you will never be "ready,"
and I will never stop trying.
   one of us will have to give in eventually,
   whether it is love,
   or if it is defeat.
and I reallly don't want to lose.

The flow
Is just
Gonna' go
As it

Goes.

There's too little to connect to with
When one should
Be
Shooting for
With this
Literary
Stuff.

It's exhausting.
It's pointless.
It's projects read
And praised with
Awards shouted from the
Mountain Top!

But, what then...?

A movie deal?

A TV screen?

What is the great American novel
But
An adapation?

For a reallly good

Screenplay?

What then?

What next?

Who next?

Who, cares?

If you,
Are at the bottom,
The only place,
Is to go,
Is to the top.

The notes,
The words,
The sound,
Are there -

Reach Reach Reach -

And,

You'll get there.

it feels like everthing in falling apart
youre being torn to pieces
no one will text you back
youre going to fail
you will fail
you will
he is a despicable person
i dont reallly want to think right now
i want to be stardust
go away so people dont exist
i am floating
insead of falling
because when you are falling
no one is catching you
but when youre floating
you dont want to be caught

Falling in love is difficult...
No....
Not reallly, it just happens
Enjoy it when it happens
Know that your lucky
  to have it happen
No matter if its at first sight
Or years of work
Enjoy it
Be lucky

Have you ever gotten into a car and as your riding as a passenger u imagine possible car accidents

Feeling the impact depending on how you paint the picture of how you perceive your fatal death


Taking on the impact as though its reallly happening

Have you ever been afraid to get behind the wheel of a vechicle because you think that something bad might happen again  

Sleep seems almost impossible regardless of who the driver

Whenever you nap and feel the car turn or change lanes u think that the end is closer then u think

But at the same time u know that there was a reason why you made it this far when so many people counted you out early in the game of life.