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nja Jan 2019
Filing errands makes you drowsy and nautious.
The tube dampens your senses.
The highrises make you feel down.
Your values are re-prioritised.
You become the binmen’s *****,
but all is not charred.
You have the chance to remember before,
and you grasp redemption as sand now sifts through your fingertips.
The stars awaken the you beneath the superficial.
The water nourishes your ignored thirstiness for passion.
Written while spending time in Mexico. I had just finished my first term of university and despite all the fun I had had, I was depressed. Away from evweything, Mexico gave me the chance to work on myself and recover.
captured in the psych ward, fear of being kidnapped by demons




today ron got out of bed and went to the cafe for a morning coffee and spoke to them

about his latest patient, who was in the psych ward because he feared being kidnapped

by demons who are flying around his head, you see a few nights before he was admitted

to the psych ward, he tied himself up claiming the demons have him, and if he told people

about the demons, his next door neighbour will snarl at him with his coffee saying your not a cool

kid buddy and the reason why he told them there, because they won’t blab, and nobody outside

will know about the 21 year old paranoid schizophrenic he has in his psych ward, and ron left the

cafe and headed to the hdu to give the morning medications out and he gave it to patty roe, and

charlie chaplin and when he came to the 21 year old he stopped to have a little talk saying

how was your sleep last night and then he said my name is olly hammond, and i was being threatened

outside a nightclub in the city and that gave olly horrible kidnapping thoughts thinking he would be

kidnapped by them, but really they were roughing him up, but olly knew nothing of that, and the thugs said i might

kidnap olly in a minute and illy heard it, and ran off yelling, the demons have got me, the demons have got me

and ron was not really proud of the drug they chose for olly but gave him a dose of the drug for the morning

and then after handing all the medications out, he went to do research on his computer about trying to find

the right drug for olly, because this drug he was on was making olly feel nautious, and definitely made him

very paranoid, but the nurses didn’t share ron’s enthusiasm about putting him on another drug, because

sometimes it’s good to tackle the problem by digging the whole root rather than just the bush, and ron said

yeah i agree with that, but while he is on this medication he will be violent to himself or another patient or

even one of us, i know olly is only young but he can **** a man, because nobody really looked after him

much as a kid, and the nurses said ok, but really putting him on another medication could **** him by making

him very slow and ron said, yeah, but he thinks demons are kidnapping him, and if anyone makes fun of him

olly will become very violent toward himself or others, and then as ron was talking he noticed afexor, which

was made for depression, but as ron was reading it, it can help paranoid schizophrenics if they are monitored

properly and then 15 minutes before lunch, ron went to olly’s room to say, we are taking you off the drug your on

and putting you on afexor because it can get rid of the paranoyer in your head, and let’s put this bluntly, get rid of

these demons who are threatening to kidnap you, and olly asked when do i start this new medication and ron said, how about tonight

and because you have only been on medication for 4 days, we can’t see why we can’t not give you any more doses

of that medication, and ron left and then went in to deliver the lunches to everyone and patty roe and charlie chaplin

and olly and 12 more patients all came out, but olly started yelling because his meal looked like **** and tore strips off

charlie chaplin because he told him to shut up and ron took olly to his room to talk to him and then ron brought his

lunch in and olly used his hand to throw his lunch all over his room and ron gave olly a ****** to calm down and

then went back to his office to work on this affexor experiment and olly slept right through to dinner and he didn’t like that either

and ron said, olly, you must eat something or you’ll starve and then the nurses force fed a tube into his stomach, and olly

screamed saying ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* YA FUCKEN ****** and ron gave him his

first two tablets of affexor and it might have calmed him down, and as ron clocked off and bought fish and chips and

went home to retire on the couch, at 3 am, the nurses rang ron up saying the new medication is giving him a rash all over

his body, and this is making him very hard to settle down, and ron said, ok, try him on melleril, 3 tablets, tomorrow, and we’ll

scrap the affexor, and the nurses apologised for getting him up, and ron said, don’t worry about it, i want olly well as well

and the next morning ron went to his usual cafe for breakfast and then went to the HDU, to hand out the morning medications

and when ron came up to olly, he copped a serve saying, that medication you put me on gave a fucken rash, and then olly said

next time you think about a wonder drug, can you please think about the fucken side effects and ron gave him 1 tablet of melleril in the

morning and when it came to the nighttime medications he gave him 2 tablets of melleril, and so far so good, and after he gave the 9 o’clock supper

ron went home and heated up some soup and watched TV, and fell asleep on the couch, and the next day, melleril was a wonder drug

but it’s only early days, will this drug stop olly’s demon kidnapping, thinking everyone is going to bash or kidnap him when noone is after him.
i spur with emotions, drinkin lots potions feeelin nautious yet still hopin,to come out this truth i cant stomach like vommit.
sick with the love bites im  scratchin, feeling whats left of my heart, a  fraction, my souls is cracked in, sea beast that dwells deep like the crackin,
my actions seem to hold no bounds,snortin pounds,
i keep gettin chained up like kratos, getting chased by hell hounds,
go around my mind, youll see a fault, of my own,
cant stand myself **** ***** im all alone
im pintched tight between **** i dont like,
i choose to be!! only me myslef and I be
dealin with drama , thats takin heavy not lightly.
just a thougth i always ponder.. to creek and somber,
into a sleep were river flows deep like my mind,and conscious.
i fight daily, mind body nd soul, im lossin myself im no longer a whole, ima shell of what i used to be, fill me up with slug, thats all i wish well...that you can recite as my eulogy..


BY: Emmanuel Jv Hernandez
5/23/14
Amanda Kay Burke Dec 2018
Love you no matter what
Every day good and bad
All I need is a little appreciation
For the memorable years we have had
You are welcome for stroking your head
On those nautious nights we faced
They have worn us thin in spots
We are stronger from being in that dark place
I will always do my best to protect you
From each threat we find ourselves staring at
In return all I ask is for you to tell me
I look beautiful when I'm feeling sad and fat
Thanks for your patience
Waiting for me to get ready
And when I can't contain rage
For keeping your voice calm and steady
We balance eachother like a scale
You're the yin to my yang, the no to my yes,
We disagree often but the one thing we do agree on
Is that we couldnt love eachother any less
A poem I wrote FOR my mom TO my dad for their anniversary if that makes sense... rotfl!
serendipity Oct 2014
Moved by the sonnets of musketeers
I was,
kept in motion with the force of a rose
And adifferent name that smelled as sweet
Set to rest by Ravens
Calmed by stories of his beautiful Anna-bell-lee
She
Comforted me with tales of Caged Birds
and the songs filled with dreams they yearningly  sing
I was taught to love patiently
And that although love hurts it does not envy
I was freed by teachers with words of wisdom
Taught to not look at words but the lessons within them
I heard the tell tale heart and was immediately cautioned
Meeting my own guilty concience
Felt just a bit nautious
I walked a road less traveled
And met phenomonal women like Mrs. angelou
Im ever dream within a dream i walked
I found a dream deferred then born anew
And at the end of my bountiful journey
Somewhere where the diverged road bends
I hope to be touched again by an angel
Layed to rest in a place where the sidewalk ends
Amanda Kay Burke Mar 2018
I am in this world trying to find my place
But everything i see leaves me with a bad taste
Pride and greed is the focus of the game
Every human I meet, they seem the same.

I cry at night in bed and wonder
If there is a way to live without going under
I am surrounded by pressure from people to be
A person my parents wanted to see.

But instead I'm caving in, sinking
Spend time smoking **** and drinking
I'm popping pills and shooting up H
Anything I find to reduce the ache.

Ashamed of who I am today
The way I am living is not okay
Pushing me close to thoughts of suicide
Wondering if it would matter if I died.

I cannot control my mind, I wish I could
Maybe then I would feel something good
Instead of this pain and sorrow
All I do is hope it gets better tomorrow.

Tomorrow comes, and tomorrow goes
Without highs but plenty of lows
I lost my job and it's my fault
Income has come to a crashing halt.

Each bill I crumple and throw away
Utilities I can't afford to pay
Drowning in problems, with no help in sight
That's the reason I cry day and night.

I wake, nautious, before my alarm
I follow my routine; stick a needle in my arm
I hate the monster I've become
I'm tired of hurting, I want to be numb.

I cannot live like this forever, I know
But this lifestyle won't let me go
It is now or never, turn my life around
Or end up six feet underground.
Written on 2/27/17

This is an old poem I stumbled upon the other day it made me tear up reading how close I was to being pushed over the edge. These poems give me motivation to keep on the sober path!
Kimberley Leiser Feb 2018
Looks sweet to the taste,
but bitter mistress,
she torments
swept me of my feet
dancing with the demon,
that one last dance
poisons my insides,
you sure you want to take that sip?
I will leave you with no cash
you won't have the last laugh.  
I'll leave you with jitters and sweats,
wake up with no recollection
of what's been done and said
but a dizzy, nautious feeling
of everything closing in
There be no escape
waking up with a sore head
repeat, drink, sleep
exactly the same thing every day.  

I woke up once from her spell…
in a coma state half awake
half asleep sat alone in the dark
in a park with no idea of how
I've got there hearing
muffled voices  

feeling alone
cold, confused and scared,
figured I wouldn't be here
so I no longer had any fear.

Alcohol got her revenge...

she led me on the path
and left me again.
Delton Peele Feb 2021
Oh no ......  
I feel .....
Something......
like a
Nautious memory
Meyes burnt,
Saliva bitterd
Pooled into the
Middle of my
Mouth
Turnt to stone
Covered in dry sand....
And.   ...
I....
Now know
In trying to
Swallow
Along with all
The pains re surfacing
Making it almost impossible.......
I......
Realize.....the
Painjure.  I have been
Living in.....
The stone couldnt go through my chest cavity
The trump rang loudly
My heart cornered pounding deploying a chemical defense.
The stone grew
Barbs.
And claws
Began digging
Through the ugly scars
And every barb
Retract and those that didnt
Dug it and pulled hard.....
singleminded
Its soul purpose
Render me defensless
Making me face
Those things
I dont want to see.
The weaponry my heart sent to vanquish the
Painful enemy invading me
Reinged victorious.
Turnt the stone to salt water
And was immediately out cast .
Through ducts itn the corner of my blood shot eyes.
And giant hot shimmering crystal clear drops rained from there with snot and slober
I looked up and screamed and rent my shirt and my face slammed into my breast plate.
Like the never seen cliche of an  ostrich
Involuntary function.
Still not any better remnants liquidated
Bitter invader.
Weakened me
Allied with gravity
And buckled my knees
Sobbing
Blubbering
Asking
Un-understandable
Mutterings
Like off note guitar strings
And late night belligerent lyrics Eddie Vettar on a rant
Sea shatees.
Followed with a few sniveling
Convulsive whimperings.
Stand up jut my
Chin up
Dry my eyes sever the dangling mucous and blow my nose mop the floor
Gain some composure.
I actually feel better than before....
But lets not forget im a man
Lets not visit that memory any more ....
Dont wanna be
An attention
***** or seem
Needy..
No Sar
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
I hear voices,
My own voices;
Negative and positive
One voice to fail,
Once voice to succeed
But my ears fall under a spell that cannot be broken
My mind is telling me to leave
Listening to a broken soul,
Im struggling, im fighting
Who is this voice thats trying to speak
Where is this voice thats trying to see
I disappeared
And i didnt come back
Inside a cage im locked
The key is inside my mind
My heart tries to break through
But it weakens
Im trapped
Unable to escape
Pounding into my chest;
My throat is trying run
I cannot breathe,
Because the pace of my heart is choking me to fear
Now my heart bleeds,
Bleeding into a body
This is how it speaks
What is it trying to say? Im confused
Its trying to talk to me
In my ears it whispers;
"I miss you please come back"
I hear but i dont understand
Im blind but i can only see the darkness deep inside my soul
I cannot move
I cannot think
Where am i supposed to go? I ask my heart
My mind wont let me escape
The repetitive signals from the heart,
Is killing me each time it tries to speak
I cannot follow
I cannot leave
Its not easy
And my heart wants me to sneak
Im hyperventilating now
I know im going to fall
Im dizzy,
Im nautious
What is it trying to tell me
Im having bad anxiety
My hot flashes are starting
My face is red
My body is trembling
My skin is sweating
These attacks are getting worse
My tears force themselves through my eyes
Its forcing me to cry
My head is killing me
My mind is punishing me
I dont want to do this no more
I dont want to suffer no more
If i come back to myself will things be better?
If i come home to myself will it all disappear?
The heart craves what it wants
But the mind takes what it can steal
The heart screams
The mind fights back
The heart cries
The mind laughs
The heart pulls
The mind pushes
The heart blocks
The mind breaks
The heart begs
The mind ignores
The heart wants to heal
The mind continues to bleed
The mind creates darkness
And so the heart turns black
The mind creates tension
And so the heart pumps faster
The mind creates fears
And so the heart races
The mind creates anxiety
And so the heart beats faster
The mind creates anger
And so the heart turns cold
The mind creates depression
And so the heart breaks
The mind creates a stranger
And so the heart wants to stop

— The End —