how to manage
this world
from falling apart
when the lands are cracking
and the humans are failing?

how to save
our only chance of living
when the only thing
that they think are worth saving
are themselves?

how to intrigue
those minds
whose corrupted
by the idea of wealthiness
not healthiness?

how to mend
these broken minds?
how to purified
these darkened souls?
how to be
good for this hollow world?

so like shreds of dandelions
we flew up and everywhere
sharing thoughts and hopes
for those who seeks comfort
inside this cold world

For whom do you sacrifice
my child
slave over sweat
is this for yourself
you are excited by attraction
and attractiveness
find time for little but
introverted social butterfly
tell me
sweet daughter
what have you done for me
each night you ask
protection from fear
healthiness
then thank for the generic
do you think about it often
how little you feel you need me
how often do you visit
a dying man

then you insist upon apologetic mannerisms
send your tears
worship rosaries on your death bed
to you I am but a figurine
to match your decor
do something noble perhaps
with your false sense
of kindness to all
you know of truth
and are belittled when it’s said
I know I am in your head
when his is three times more strong
your commitment is noble
this you have not lied
but you sinner
come home

moonrock, lovelight;
dim, silent, mindbreath-
interleaving sunspace;
dark, narrow, corridor of doubt--
   far below this moment lurks
         an otherwisely ancient growing sense:
              of worldliness i haven't asked again
                  (yet you are this world-to-be);
              the smile-harvest nearing,
         your touch reasserts its ever-meaning
   of dancing in the starlight i ask
my yearning future self,
of playful rolls of joy
spinning off our lichen finger tracings~
of healthiness and utter-smooth response
    to sharpness i think with full bodied thought--
        (it throbs deep into the wellspring of our self-teaching);
    of healing i ask with songs beneath the feet,
toes vibrate dream-colored peace
       like the windblown comfort of forestal goddess tresses,
             i fall upward into you even as we descend through shadowovercastings,
               even while the earth-tremble breaks our calm,
                        even though the bees fade,
                                another nectar drips from all around
                                            your inner-golden, flowered canopy of lives
                                                            (i effulge this world-to-be you are!)

1. The seconds roll by and you're starting to realize that you are becoming wearily accustomed to this way of living- the way where you are so obsessed with emotions,now that you do not feel them, that you are surrounding yourself with accidents. Almost as if you want to be in the same area you were at before you crashed and burned, by re-instituting an old lie you thought could never be accounted for, and crashing and burning a second time- all in the exact same places.
You've started changing and merging so much that you're sure you've left everyone without them even knowing it. As if you move with stealth whenever someone starts to realize just how tragic you can be- how you don't really need to feel to make others weary, you just have to be there. Your existence is enough.
Maybe that's why nobody really knows you, it's like being a thin piece of paper in a world where pen can only leave ink on thicker substances- whenever somebody asks you "Who are you?" you just turn your head shyly, and read from someone else's page.

2. It's been a while since you've substituted blankness for a renewal you thought you could find inside of another human being. You tell yourself that their words inspired yours, but are realizing it's not true. Love was not made to make the expression of detrimental things beautiful- the absence of it was.
Now that you're here as a mosaic of bruises that were left from somebody's poor negligence, you've begun to see that loneliness is an escape that treats you better no matter how hollow it is or how much work you have to put into fulfilling it.
Your hands get strained, your spine starts to curl, all under the weight of forgetting the emotions you had when you were writing for someone and not about them. A weight thats heavy and makes you miss the feeling of being in love more than you miss the person who you were in love with.

3. Instead of only being able to find inspiration when you hear specific footsteps walking away from you, you've tried to simulate their echoes every time you close your eyes, and then hoping for the best. With love, you knew about the withdrawal symptoms before you knew about the substance. When you had it and watched it fade away- you were left with that familiar feeling. That familiar longingness.
But now you understand what you must do when people enter a home uninvitedly. The next time you have it and lose it it will hurt, but it will not hurt in the same way.

4. Sometimes situations have a way of making you both aware and unaware of different things at the same time. Being in this state you realized; there is more than one way for a person to actually disappear.
And it never starts within them, it always starts around of them.
You started seeing less, feeling less, talking less, hoping less. You just followed what was there for you and hoped you wouldn't fall into a hole deeper than the one you were already in back then.
By the time you'd lost enough of yourself, you had the motivation to climb back up but just not enough physical strength to actually do it. You just followed the path and blamed its emptiness as a feature of your own intentions. When in actual fact, you only followed it like that because nobody wanted to lower themselves to be able to have the ability to walk with you.

5. A natural stationary position of yours is the position where it looks like someone has pushed you to the ground: you are always posed at that exact position, where you have just been pushed and you are simultaneously trying to get back on your feet.
Whenever you find yourself at a dead point that is caused by something that isn't a human being, you realize that it's always been 'too long' since you've dealt with a heartache that you are not used to.
Too long since you've carried a dilemma whilst thinking, "I don't know why this is here. I don't know why I am feeling this."
It's become this sort of pleasure that you sleep with knowing or not knowing just how far away healthiness is. Lying in bed all day pretending like you are whole- pitying your own broken heart as if you were not the one who broke it yourself.

6. It is hard to convince yourself that you are an optimist because of the way you express hurt like it will actually start saving you when you are not just feeling it, but when you are actually seeing it as well. But then again it all makes sense when you begin to realize: you beautified terrible things when terrible things began to happen too regularly.
It is not that you are trying to feel more of the pain because you are putting it into words.
It's that you are actually doing the opposite.

7. It's hard to keep up with your own identity when you are constantly turning people that know you into strangers.
You sometimes want to say it was spontaneous, but you've always known that it started with one small problem who always lied whenever they claimed to care more than they actually did.
They'd treat you with a kindness that had no actual action and you got used to depending on it like it was the only thing that you had left.
I guess when you get older you realize that sometimes people make mistakes and open things they're not supposed to- sometimes they rip holes in your mind that are big enough for the thought of their love, but not big enough for their love itself.

8. You're discovering that submission is more a habitat than a personality trait. You've pulled so many defenses around you that the only thing you dominate is the ability to come up with a false pretense. All the things that once meant so much to you seem to be running and fading away- they seem to be blackening out like the developing of a Polaroid in reverse. Slowly suffocating an image until the surroundings are disappearing slowly and malleably. Leaving only the person in the picture- surrounded by the blackness of the film.
Deemed to become an island in a great mess of things that could've been-
Deemed hopeless and passionless, hopeless and passionless.

9. You may or may not have been stronger when you were younger but you were definitely more content and aware. How many times have you looked at an old picture and thought "what happened during the years? was that really still me?" It is almost as if the time between then and now turned into a vast ocean and you were fast asleep whilst you sailed on it. You sometimes sunk and you sometimes rose above, but you were always unconscious. Always unconscious.
You guess that it is all what is eventually planned for you. But you can't help but shudder at the thought of it.

10. You hide away from attention because if people start to see just a little, they might eventually see too much.You're hoping one day you can show yourself as whimsically as you once did before you were forced to hide from a light that demolished you after it blinded you.
Maybe one day you'll exist under the presence of something that doesn't need to hold you to give you the same feeling you once needed to be able to carry on hoping.
You're just looking for a motive to keep you surviving even if it is only partly- You're just looking for an excuse to become addicted to something that doesn't have a heartbeat,
For once.

I wish we could go back years ago, to those days when you were a puppy a young healthy energetic non-diabetic puppy
When we play with your mom
She passed away years ago, but every time y think of her it hurts all over again
It take me back to that exact moment i run to my bedroom crying and start to drown myself in tears, nothing could ever replace her maternal feeling and the protection she will have died to give me
People might be thinking this is so stupid you are talking about a dog
But they will say that cause they just don't understand, they can't understand how it feels, how i felt
And now watching you so proudly, you learn everything we thought you
You learn to recognize my smell, my voice, my crying sounds and you sit beside my window just in case i needed you, just in case i need to look at those shiny full of hope beautiful eyes that you have
I used to think that fatness was a sing of healthiness, at least in you, you always looked so happy fat and adorable, now im watching you get skinnier and weaker every day and its just hurt so much when i look at you and your getting older but at the same time always seeing that young and wild puppy that i saw the firt time.
We grow up together, your mom was like our mom and i see you like a sister but at the same time like my baby that i have to protect.
I really wish I'm doing it well, I'm new at this, it is really making me stronger, your knew I always wanted to be a doctor and now I'm practicing because i have to inject the insulin every 12 hour and then give you your special food, and put that cream on your left leg, and after I finished all that i sit and look at your eyes and see then turning blue, and start to realize that you will be dying soon and there's nothing I could do about it
You are going to die and the only thing i can do is think about how much I'm going to miss you when your gone but at least you will be resting in peace and i will be getting stronger
Today was a normal day, we cleaned the house and make lunch, then we took you to get clean and I went to the hairdresser.
I was coming back home and hearing the radio with mom, suddenly she received a call, her face changed completely, she looks at me as i ask what happened and tells me that you are gone, that your little heart couldn't handle it anymore and that you are no longer alive
I stay quiet for a minute or two, and I started asking questions with what i had of voice between my sobbing
When I got home I could barely got out of the car, and when I did the house already felt extremely empty without you saying welcome back! And smelling us while moving your tale with some much happiness
You waited for me for four months and i will never be more thankful for that cause i got to say goodbye
I now you got through so much, every single problem you riced above, you were blind and somehow managed to live incredibly
I love you so much and i have no idea how will I managed to live without you, What do you do with all the love in the world you were willing to give, how do you keep going when the thing that kept you going is gone?  
This day didn't went as I imagine and life will never be the same, this house will always be a little bit emptier, my smile will always be a little bit fake and my heart will always have a little hole were you will always live with me

The reason for the existence of the universe is for us to see what we really are.

Through out time we have been experiencing every single aspect of the universe, of life.

It is neccessary for us to go out and get lost in the world in order for us to come back home.


Life is the game of games.

Life is a play of consciousness.


When we begin the whole journey of life as consciousness, we must go unconscious.

And our goal is to return to consciousness.


It is very important that we are as aware as possible when we are experiencing everything and anything from life and the universe.

Every lesson of life has to be learned and understood before we can go beyond life.


In order for us to know that which is unlimited and immortal in us, we have to first see that which is limited and mortal.

If we never experience unconsciousness, we will never know what consciousness is.

Every single one of us is a spec of consciousness finding its way back to its source.

At some point we are bound to get tired of life.

Because although life is beautiful, life also contains uncomfortable and unpleasant experiences.

Like for example, being sick.

Although life is beautiful, we are bound to get tired of it.

We are bound to get tired of sicknesses, diseases, old age and death.

We are bound to search for that which has no death, which does not get sick, which does not get old.


When every single aspect of life has been experienced, we are bound to search for the eternal.

We are bound to search for God.


There are mysteries that can be known and there are mysteries that can not be known.

Those mysteries that can be known bring us peace and those mysteries that can not be known keep us in peace.


When ever an experience or a situation is there for you to experience, it is important that you put the mind aside and that you don't look for the answer in your mind.

For example, if you are ill or very sick, you might desperately start thinking why this has happened to you, for what reason must you go through this.

If you want to know why such uncomfortable things are, you have to put the mind in silence and allow silence to answer you.

If you don't silence your mind, you will keep asking why but you will never get an answer that satisfies you.

You will go back to healthiness but you will not know why sickness was.

Therefor, next time you get sick, again you will ask the same questions and if you don't allow the answer to be revealed by the sickness itself, again you will miss the lesson.


A sickness is suppose to remind you of that which can not get sick.

A sickness is suppose to teach you the balancement that must be kept in order for you to stay healthy.

A sickness is simply just another teaching of life.

You have to allow the sickness to teach you and allow yourself to learn.

And in order for you to learn from the sickness, you have to remain open to the sickness.

Don't condemn the sickness thinking "this should not be" .

Instead, see what it was that got you sick.

See what it is that will make you healthy again.


Everything that this world contains, good or bad, is supposed to be a teaching for you.


So it is important that you remain an openness in all moments during all situations.

Don't close yourself with believes.

Remember that the mind is not the master.

Remember that the mind is a servant of the master.

You, consciousness, are the master.

Shadows of humans are all around ..
- Filling the whole scene of your life ..
- Beautiful shadows . ugly shadows , scary shadows .
- Different shapes but they are in core the same ..
- You can find them all around you in the light ..
- Times of happiness healthiness and wealthiness .
- But they vanish in the dark ..
- Times of sadness and sickness .. times when you need
them more .
- You will stand alone there , no one to share ,, no one
to to cry on his shoulder ..
- No one to take your hand and help you to pass the
darkness ..
- They will appear again in light ..
- Just watch them come and go ..
- Watch them Hide and show ..
- So enlighten a candle in the dark , a fake smile on your
face ..
- To keep them close to you . .Just shadows on the wall ..
- Between the mess , the true one will appear ..
- Just keep looking and never loose hope...

I can't tell you I love you.
I'm too scared.
I'm too scarred.

I've been ruined.
I've been beaten and thrown around--
All in my own mind--
Because of three ******* words.
"I love you".
I poured my entire being into loving someone
Who never gave it back.
It took years for me to do that
Years where everyday was spent giving a little more to him.
And when I finally realized what has happening to me--
--How hopelessly devoted I was,
How I was blind and foolish to believe
He would ever truly commit--
It was too late.
He was a drug I couldn't escape from.
I loved every minute of it,
And he was leaching the healthiness from me.
And I had withdrawals.
I had moments where,
After I had sworn to never go back,
I went back.
And he welcomed me with open arms.
And I saw the thorns.
And I went and dug myself into them
Graciously welcoming their poison into my mind.

Three months.
That's how long it was
Between when I decided to give him up
And when I started dating you.
Three months
To try to adjust to
Healthy.
Five months,
In total,
Counting the months we've been together.
Five months
To adjust back to loving a healthy relationship.
It hasn't totally worked yet.
I'm still broken.
I'm still horribly familiar with loving someone who didn't quite love me back
All the time.
I'm still used to not feeling fully happy,
So when I don't feel broken,
I think something's wrong.

There are no words to explain
How I'm feeling about all this.
I say the same words over and over again to you
But they never seem to work.
So I hope this poem is our chance
To finally understand
Where I stand
Emotionally-wise,
In regards to us.
I love you,
Baby,
Darling,
Love,
Honey,
Sweetie,
Joe,
but it's really ******* hard for me to say it.

Early to bed,
Ben Franklin said,
Early to rise, he added,
And we will be healthy!

Aha! Aha!

And we will be wealthy!

Aha! Aha!

And we will be wise!

Oh, yes, indeed,
We will be wise.

Perhaps we might add a little
To deepen our sweet rest,
Make more Whole our healthiness,
Make wisdom Full, the Best!

Our world abounds with strategies,
With teachers, leaders, guides:

We look, we check, we find, we try
And we make faster strides.

Very fast!
Super fast!

We make faster strides.

A  monkey  cap
is  needed   to
protect   my  head
so  i  have  to
earn  to
purchase   that  thing.



AN  OLD  BICYCLE
IS  NEEDED  FOR
ENVIRONMENTAL  F­RIENDLY
ENERGY.


MY    HEART  WILL
WORK  PROPERLY

   AND    
  
   THE  WHOLE  BODY
WILL  EXERCISE.


AN   OLD  MODEL
HANDSET   IS  REQUIRED

TO  LISTEN   FROM
RADIO.



IT   WILL   ALSO     SUPPORT  THE
HEART'S  HEALTHINESS  AND
FOR OTHER  PARTS
ALSO.

For the beauty of the heavens,
I give my thanks, dear Lord to Thee::
Crickets and frogs that play music.
Are a grand orchestra to me.

For the rippling streams of water,
Where I obtain my daily food:
Where animals come for water,
I am  thankful with gratitude.

For watercress that lives in streams
I collect to go with my meals:
When it's in a bright green color,
Its healthiness it then reveals.

For friends that I can confide in,
Thanks, dear Lord for sending my way:
When I find life dark and dismal,
They bring  sunshine into my day.

Most of all, Lord I am grateful,
For your love for me without end:
You  bring hope and joy in my life,
Lord, you are my forever friend.

if you only knew
the addiction that you're feeding
with your compliments

my body that you praise
the toned muscles "in all the right spots"
it's the product of
binge eating episodes
compulsive measuring of
every
gram
of
every
single
meal
i
ate
throughout the day
painful joints
from pushing past what should be safe and acceptable
paranoia and overwhelming anxiety
from missing a workout
or feeling as if i didn't push myself "hard" enough
when in the gym
the stress that followed me
when i couldn't count the macros in a meal
so i would bring my meal preps
everywhere
with
me
at sleepovers
and even restaurants
this
is the ugly side of my body and healthiness

my clothes and makeup that you praise
it's a mask that holds up my confidence
the one you say you admire so much
my attempt to cope with my insecurity
of believing that I was ugly
so much so
that at one point
i never took photos
looked in mirrors
or took off layers of jackets
i kept on my body during the summer
this
is the ugly side of my "envious" makeup and style

my grades that you are shocked by
how can a girl
that looks like you do have
consecutive 4.0s from middle school to nursing school in college
they have been my attempt to cope with an insecurity
of believing that i was dumb
and would never surmount to anything
they are the product
of my unintentional weight loss that fluctuated
in middle and high school
because my chronic stress would take away my appetite
lunches were comprised of library study sessions
i would throw up
dry heave mostly
in the mornings
before exams
because it made my nerves go away
having night terrors with school
where i would wake up sweaty and scared
my heart beat pounding in my ears
endless hours of crying
wishing i was "normal"
whatever that means
never taking the time
of admiring my accomplishments
because the fear of the next assignment
consumed me
not knowing how to answer the question
what do you do outside of school
to take care of yourself
and being shocked by the silence
that lingered for way too long
and the tears that quietly ran down my cheeks
not knowing what self-care was
because i was so consumed with my grades
truly believing that i didn't deserve to go to school
if i got an A-
when i was in sixth grade
this
is the ugly side of my academic achievements

i guess some would say i'm someone that
"has it all"
but tell me this
why is it when i had "everything"
the face
the body
the style
the grades
the personality
the talents
when i felt like i had absolutely nothing
when i felt like i was absolutely nothing
my story is not for everyone
not everyone can relate
but everyone can see the ugliness in carnal perfection
it's empty
but appears to be filled with substance
like a hot air balloon

when i had "everything"
i was at my lowest
and now
i'm learning what balance is
what self-care is
what it means to be original
and not a carbon copy of society's perfection in the flesh
i work out
but for myself and not for numbers
i don't track anything
i wear makeup when i want to
and dress how i feel like dressing
slowly learning to have a genuine confidence
and love for myself
i don't study as much as i used to
i take that time and invest it into others hobbies
like when i featured in a song
went dancing to a club in the city
went to a Kevin Gates concert
i'm finally learning who i am
i'm finally living for myself
i hope you are as well

Division of breath







Lost was the soiled sins of Lebanon,
while rats made tents in capernum,
History became the basket of Abraham,
while the egyptians yowl in river jordan.




Not too far, birds of the sky waved-by;
fear of abyss crowned all the standbys,
And heaven wept and wailed clouds of pain,
Behold, the moonlight stained her walls with pain.



Devil is evil; heaven is haven I say,
Deceive oneself to sin and death is your pay,
Rob a joyful soul and measles from Egypt ...
Will shelter your healthiness to six-feet.



Yes, your raging anger can't lit a banger;
Your ***-mouth can't swallow a leather;
Breath is an advocate of life and a-mole for death,
Heaven is for everyone and not for well ironed shirts.





©Author Kelly Juuz
[A salient prolific author...]
>> 26/07/2017
⊙  08:22PM

into the unknown courting lovely lass
crafted four years ago to date
flying colors while eldest progeny
an undergraduate
at storied university did pass.

Even at a young age, she
first born of deux darling offspring
established herself as a high achiever
gifted as “star student,” motivated
maintained abiding diligence
linkedin with carpe diem
knew at a tender age ticket to paradise
forged in the cerebral chamber
stark realization necessity
to escape domestic dysfunction.

Beloved daughter dubbed "Munchkin",
an appellation engineered by "mother"
now evinces enviable survival skills,
this papa dismissed himself attaining,
and though sites set
to attain satisfactory income

courtesy asper keeping
your inherited Semitic
nose to the grindstone
(cute as a button)
toward fiercely dedicated
academic success to

acquire Bachelor's Degree
objective self instilled since "star student" -
(another moniker the missus aptly affixed)
amply proven successfully completing
undergraduate engineering degree
(a minor in je nais sais quois French),

this from storied high achieving Ivy League
University founded by Benjamin Franklin
this "sir" man once again
applauds laudatory milestone,
and additionally acknowledges
sincere appreciation surrendering

veritable treasure trove
commestibles, toiletries, vitamins...
allowing unswerving selflessness
to kindle tears of utmost gratitude
figurative biological dice throw
now embarks upon admirable

self reliant (no batteries needed)
time tested personal conviction
proving steely mettle with panache,
despite fallings out
undermining rapport during yesteryear,
when dada felt important,

evinced kibitizing, pampering,
reading requested stories,
(yea even Harry Potter - now passe)
aware how mine debauchery,
who set poor flagrant example

posited ye to escape appalling
financial, emotional, spiritual...
domestic conditions
ye understandably
envisioning more ideal legal guardian,
asper loco parentis

thus parting equals bittersweet
sorrow for dada, whose bottled anger
directly linkedin to opprobrious
selfish misdeeds compromising
psychological welfare two precious progeny
whose presence provided joie de vivre,

and never wanted restraint imposed
maturing into an admirable young lady,
no matter sentiments towards me
poisoned by toxicity, whose
predilection to debilitating panic
undermined, restrained, quashed...
necessary needs and wants

to nourish healthiness...
despite aggravating, hellbent
nerve wracking time consuming
odiously infernal exhausting
drive to accept donations,
i.e. personal belongings...
dada doth care for thee!

The deep state
It is not a good thing to know too much
of the private life of the powerful
when things go wrong and the powerful
are threatened they do as the mafia,
**** with extreme effectiveness.
It has happened many times before, but
a good example is Robert Maxwell and
Now Epstein. The next one in their sight
is Julian Assange who is slowly being
poisoned breaking down his healthiness
What can they prosecute him for?
Telling the truth about the criminality
they have been engaged in and the myriad
Of lies, to feed the stupid public with.
Death is the best option in the vacuum
they can pile it up with more lies.