"earnesty" poems
Sometimes I put my headphones in
No music playin
Just to muffle out the background noise
Of all they're sayin ,
all the empty conversation
I'm secretly sat here craving
From Better days when
This paranoia wasn't constantly
Invading my brain and
I could entertain it
Sit here without fear
Cause I was going somewhere
With people I could call friends
Without questioning motivations
Unquestioning motivation
Faltered
Now sleign , altered
And warped by blame
checked into the Awk-ward
I wait in urgency
hoping This was no accident
And I'll imerge and see
The bigger picture
Fat-e
But for now I shrink
Violently
Weight droppin off of me
still feelin heavy
Propped up on this bus seat
Weighing up whether
I should miss my stop
Cause I'm not sat near the bell
And God forbid I ask someone for help
Cause then they'd have to look at me
But don't look at me,
Don't you dare look at me!
I can't face you today
I can't even face me
That's why I don't take a window seat
And you have to begrudgingly
Shimmy past me to take yours
Or walk past to the back
Silently cursing me
I wish you'd sing instead
I've got no music playin
Clear my head
lend an Ear-nestle next to me
Did I not earn your earnesty?
If I've got your back
Won't you back me?
Or will I turn round
Reach out
Only to find your shadow stretchin
Out of reach
Like a weary soul-dier
you take your leave...
I try to shake mine off
Anxietree
Break some branches,
Tryin to get free
Oh-live!
They Silently scream
But I'm struggling
To even make it off my seat
Go live
In three
But I can no longer perform
Go on without me
Forget me
Only thing on the way up
Is mum's spaghetti!
Need some Bob Marley
Get up, stand up
But my legs won't let me!
Musics off
So it's down to me
Get up, stand up
Used to be so easy
Get up stand up
Your bus stop is here
No music playin in my ear
But right now I could do
With a mellowdy
Nov 26, 2015
Nov 26, 2015 at 11:01 AM UTC
It's times like these
that make me want
to scream at everyone,
especially at those
who don't deserve it:
they cannot know
how I feel right now,
so **** them the most.
After not sleeping well at all
due to a particularly nasty toothache
for seven days in a row,
I finally got a good night's sleep last night,
but, of course there had to be a problem:
I overslept for work
because the pain
was so subdued.
I didn't even have a chance
to have painkillers for breakfast,
as was necessary
the other days this week.
So, when I got to work,
I immediately caught flak
for being so tardy,
all the while being unable to focus
on anything but all this ******* pain.
I never thought I'd say this,
but I understand, now,
why the notion of Suicide
can be so seductive;
not that I seek it,
but that I commiserate
with they, who do.
I cannot recall
being in this quality of pain
for this quantity of time,
and all the dentists are booked until Tuesday.
Mar 6, 2014
Mar 6, 2014 at 7:03 PM UTC
have faith in me
when I say that this world is a better place
because it had a chance to know you, to hold your own existence
in its roots and depths and heavens and oceans,
carry you up to the same stars that lights your eyes,
lay you down on lavender and daises,
your laughter flitting dandelion seeds enough
to make grow, to have bloom
the world adores you and in the way you bring summer with a sigh
and how you close your eyes and let spring rain soak your bones
and there will be things about you that the world may never come to understand:
the soft whispers to yourself when you think no one is watching, the way your fists clench when you sleep,
and how you think you at your most is never enough
(when it is enough, more than enough)
have faith in me,
when I say that
I have been made a better person,
the best I can be,
because I had a chance to
exist with you
to feel your love in the crinkles of your eyes, the squints of your uneven blinks
and through the bursts of emotion in your voice
I have always been caught in the wonder of your beauty
and it was always a matter of time before I felt the love like yours
wash over me in waves, waves, _waves_
and when I say _I love you_
it is in all earnesty,
because all of my heart and love and
faith
is _in you_
Nov 5, 2017
Nov 5, 2017 at 4:54 PM UTC
Sometimes I stare at the vast yet blank night sky
Thinking of the memories we shared that are as wide
Sometimes I wonder how abysmal the ocean is
Thinking of the emotions I felt that are as deep
The alcohol is starting to take it's toll
The beer cans scattered all over the floor
Holding back the screams that want to be heard
Holding back the tears that want to fall
I wonder every night if happiness is with you
If the choices we made were really for the best
I wonder every day how my sadness would end
Even if I chose to leave everything and let you go
My deepest fears are making their way to the surface
My deepest grievances are making themselves known
Let me be free from the ghost you left me with
Let me be free from the past that I made painful
Everyday I pray with desperate earnesty
That our paths would never meet again
That I see your face full of joy, no regrets
While my heart is filled by none other than regret
I pray our paths would never cross again
Dreading that moment that I find out
That you never missed me even a second
While I missed you so much each and every second
I pray our eyes would never meet again
Dreading that moment that I find out
That even though a long time has passed
My resurgent feelings would remain the same
Dear God, please don't let me drown in these fears
Please relieve me from these harrowing sorrows
Don't let me see her with all the happiness in the world
While I drown with all the emptiness I got from it.
Mend the heart she left broken, please I beg
For she took away every piece, yet threw them all away
Stop the tears that kept on coming every night
Keep me from feeling numb and unworthy again.
Jun 5, 2019
Jun 5, 2019 at 5:00 AM UTC