It's times like these
that make me want
to scream at everyone,
especially at those
who don't deserve it:
they cannot know
how I feel right now,
so **** them the most.

After not sleeping well at all
due to a particularly nasty toothache
for seven days in a row,
I finally got a good night's sleep last night,
but, of course there had to be a problem:
I overslept for work
because the pain
was so subdued.

I didn't even have a chance
to have painkillers for breakfast,
as was necessary
the other days this week.

So, when I got to work,
I immediately caught flak
for being so tardy,
all the while being unable to focus
on anything but all this ******* pain.

I never thought I'd say this,
but I understand, now,
why the notion of Suicide
can be so seductive;
not that I seek it,
but that I commiserate
with they, who do.

I cannot recall
being in this quality of pain
for this quantity of time,
and all the dentists are booked until Tuesday.

Sometimes I put my headphones in
No music playin
Just to muffle out the background noise
Of all they're sayin ,
all the empty conversation
I'm secretly sat here craving
From Better days when
This paranoia wasn't constantly
Invading my brain and
I could entertain it
Sit here without fear
Cause I was going somewhere
With people I could call friends
Without questioning motivations

Unquestioning motivation
Faltered
Now sleign , altered
And warped by blame
checked into the Awk-ward
I wait in urgency
hoping This was no accident
And I'll imerge and see
The bigger picture
Fat-e
But for now I shrink
Violently
Weight droppin off of me
still feelin heavy
Propped up on this bus seat
Weighing up whether
I should miss my stop
Cause I'm not sat near the bell
And God forbid I ask someone for help

Cause then they'd have to look at me

But don't look at me,
Don't you dare look at me!
I can't face you today
I can't even face me
That's why I don't take a window seat
And you have to begrudgingly
Shimmy past me to take yours
Or walk past to the back
Silently cursing me

I wish you'd sing instead
I've got no music playin
Clear my head
lend an Ear-nestle next to me
Did I not earn your earnesty?
If I've got your back
Won't you back me?
Or will I turn round
Reach out
Only to find your shadow stretchin
Out of reach
Like a weary soul-dier
you take your leave...

I try to shake mine off
Anxietree
Break some branches,
Tryin to get free
Oh-live!
They Silently scream
But I'm struggling
To even make it off my seat
Go live
In three
But I can no longer perform
Go on without me
Forget me
Only thing on the way up
Is mum's spaghetti!
Need some Bob Marley
Get up, stand up
But my legs won't let me!
Musics off
So it's down to me
Get up, stand up
Used to be so easy
Get up stand up

Your bus stop is here

No music playin in my ear
But right now I could do
With a mellowdy

have faith in me
when I say that this world is a better place
because it had a chance to know you, to hold your own existence
in its roots and depths and heavens and oceans,
carry you up to the same stars that lights your eyes,
lay you down on lavender and daises,
your laughter flitting dandelion seeds enough
to make grow, to have bloom

the world adores you and in the way you bring summer with a sigh
and how you close your eyes and let spring rain soak your bones

and there will be things about you that the world may never come to understand:
the soft whispers to yourself when you think no one is watching, the way your fists clench when you sleep,
and how you think you at your most is never enough
(when it is enough, more than enough)

have faith in me,
when I say that
I have been made a better person,
the best I can be,
because I had a chance to
exist with you

to feel your love in the crinkles of your eyes, the squints of your uneven blinks
and through the bursts of emotion in your voice

I have always been caught in the wonder of your beauty
and it was always a matter of time before I felt the love like yours
wash over me in waves, waves, waves

and when I say I love you
it is in all earnesty,
because all of my heart and love and
faith
is in you

This is not honest work.
We must lie, deceive, embellish, thieve.
But are they not all the more enchanted by it?
Do not fool yourself with this sense of honesty.
Instead, trade that in for earnesty.

sometimes you don't know what you done, did, and do to me.

sometimes a life of tragedy relates in one's duplicity.

sometimes i can read your eyes as my bible, an angel doomed in his own humanity.

one time, i saw your soul and you fell me your weight, that arch of your body i ​wanted to hold so dearly.
it felt like i earned your love; through earnesty enough.
with all that wish of my wishes in the cup.

i hope i grow wings, when this is finally up.

I am designed to rot.
I am a disgusting, foul,
moulting creature
masquerading as human.
My skin peels,
My lips bleed.
Out of every crevice pours
litres of vile anxiety.
My stomach broils
with a sense of
worthlessness and undeserving.

You are the light
You float as a feather
Falling from heaven
To the earth.
You are charm
You speak with wit
And intently too.
Your calculated artistry
Mocks my grotesque earnesty.
You are holy. I am wrong.
I should not be who I am.
Luck seeps through my
veins in buckets.

I am an imposter amongst gods.