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Ember Evanescent Oct 2014
Defensiveness the color of fear and the shape of loneliness is the poison that flows within the veins of Rejection and Inadequacy.
Marshal Gebbie Jul 2012
Screaming rage, the old pachyderm charges hard
Scattering predators away from the ravaged corpse of her fallen friend

The carnivorous stork and vulture cloud simultaneously take startled flight & retreat raggedly to the nearest dead tree, there to turn and glare with accusing eyes and cawing clamour. The hyenas and jackals scatter from the stinking cavernous maw of abdomen and scramble for the cover of thorn bush perimeter. Their hideous cackle and yapping adding to the cocophany of the noisy horror in this small, dry and dusty African drama.

Wheeling about the old cow surveys the clearing and, satisfied she has seen the vile things off, turns back to her fallen friend, shuffling through the thick white dust, she stands close by protecting.

Unfurling her massive trunk, she gently wraps it's sensitive tip around the scarred tusk of her fallen companion...and standing there, In a long, long sentinel silence...she remembers.......

Standing flank to flank in waters
Cooling spray upon the hide,
Trunks entwined to rumbled chortle
Bull and cow and calf abide.
Striding through the Serengetti
Grasses tall and sweet and green,
Grazing in this luscious plenty
Happiness in joy unseen.


New born calf cavorts, unsteady
Laughing at her rubber legs,
Keep a watch for lion menace
Always lurking for the dregs.
Cow to cow companionship
Builds the basis of the herd,
One reliant on the other
Cuddly calf to bull absurd.


Sunset on the far horizon
Golden glow across the plain,
Trekking for the waterhole
Through acacia tree domain.
Zebra throng with wilderbeast,
Quail and guinea fowl
Run through grasses long and brown
But leopard on the prowl.


Fun time with marula berries
Dropping from the trees like rain,
Staggering drunk pachyderms
Fall about but feel no pain.
Violence in defensiveness
Circled by enormous rage
Calves protected safe within
Roaring lioness engaged.


Quiet of the evening air
A stillness in the herd
Affection of companionship
'Twixt leather hides doth gird.
Companions together
The wise and the sage,
Companions endureth
Through an elephant's old age.


Kilamanjaro crowned with snow
Though plains are cracked and dry,
Prolonged drought has taken toll
And many creatures die.
Trekking from dry waterhole
A million dusty miles
To find the next one caked with salt
Enough to make you cry.


And when the cloud of death descends
A pachyderm must cry
For the memory of companion
Will bring a sadness to the eye.
Remembering their sister ship
Remembering their pain
Remembering shared elephant-ness
Brings good recall again.


Reluctantly a parting made
And fond and distant memories burn,
The taste of Africa prevails
As  skulking, predators return.




Marshalg
22 July 2012

© 2012 Marshal Gebbie
TheRisingStar Oct 2014
I notice the tiny pulse of frustration in the back of his neck
I notice the way that he sighs and slumps over
I notice how his elbows splay out so his face bobs lightly over his desk
A buoy dancing over a wave
I notice the way he glances at his friends before he answers
I notice the way he shapes his mouth into a grin before he speaks
I notice how his eyes squint a little when he laughs
I notice how they dull when he doesn’t want to listen
I notice how his shoulders hunch when refuses to hear
I notice the boredom in the lines of his back as he considers
I notice the way his leg jiggles as he bounces his foot lightly
The ever-present dichotomy of professionalism fighting immaturity
Of a thirst to learn, fighting against ignorance, justice calling
I notice this inner battle of boyish nonchalance and masculine defensiveness
I notice how his eyes dart lightly over his chosen comrades before he writes again
I notice the way he presses his forehead into his hand
As though he could pull ideas out
And read his thoughts printed back on his palm
I notice the consistent rubbing against his face with his fingers
Phalanges to stimulate the thought process
I notice the hesitation before his pen scratches the page
Piercing the paper with words he must call his own
I notice the claim of responsibility and the toll it takes on his physique
I notice the fatigue of struggling to create
To feel, to create, to feel, to feel
I notice, throughout all the time I’ve been noticing him
He has not noticed me once
Response: On Cremation of Chogyam Trungpa, Vidyadhara. Allen Ginsberg.
Ember Evanescent Oct 2014
Fabric of fate, woven emotions, of which life is sewn.

My morning was Ivory satin
smooth and pure and bright
Birthday buzz and laughter
Bubbling thoughts of you
Noon was green velvet
Natural and warm and soft
Everything seemed to be right
And I couldn't wait to talk to you again
But the afternoon was black leather
When you texted me hi
Just to say goodbye
And the evening was ebony nylon
Flimsy, dark and easily torn
I tried to hide my crestfallen disappointment
But family is family
And they will be jerks
But no matter if you are immediate family
Or not
They can be your red wool
To keep you warm and away from harm
even when you are hurting silently
I shifted to a guarded charcoal chiffon
And he told me the way only a family member could tell
I know something's wrong
I promised I was fine even though I was becoming
Silver lace, fragile and tearing at the seams
He never spoke of it again
But for the rest of the night
He protected me from anymore damage
A tough sort of defensiveness
That meant everything to me
And for an evening, he was cashmere
Because I was touched that he could and would show me such strong family love
Without saying anything to me at all

Repost if a family member, immediate or not has done something kind for you to make them cashmere
Please comment! I love to read interpretations of my poetry! Especially long ones.
Repost if a family member, immediate or not has done something kind for you to make them cashmere
Please comment! I love to read interpretations of my poetry! Especially long ones.
RL Dec 2012
Today I decided to make a dress.
I'd seen others do it.
Figured I'd give it a try.
So I laced Predictability on neatly
And hemmed the Defensiveness in tight.
Stitched up the Strength, the Sarcasm and
The Empty Stare in a nice, perfect line
With pearly white Laughs to match.
Then I ironed it with puffs of Indifference,
And hung it up to admire.
It was nice.
Decent.
Normal.
Okay.

I put my dress on and walked out into the world.
I smiled at all the right places and frowned to the silent beat.
And then when I got home I took it off and cried.
martin challis Nov 2014
I would like to know you
More than I do

You are a gracious presence that in glimpses I have seen influence the mightiest egos to acquiesce

I stumble across you at times yet would know you more as a constant companion

I forget you often and when in the throes of reaction and defensiveness I catch myself in arrogance or in self righteousness or justification

This is followed by regret

How do I know you?
How do I find you in the moments when I am alone and embattled?
How do I find you in that first breath?
Of surrender




MChallis @ 2014
Refuse to call her Sensei falsely,
Respect a quality untimed to a technologic beep,
a beat more ancient than the tribal drum flow,
a wind more cold than the the Summit in Winter

flying Panthers as I walk through the door of my dreams, rolling over never a choice a gym dreary, rolling over never a choice a hymn ready no longer, resounding a frequent smile in simile, my two pairs of winds high in might bathe detritus with delight feathers at my finger tips, my eyes see me as my own Polyhedron and geometry, spiraling in a torrent of heart beats, charging my batteries for three years a hundred sixty-six weaknesses feel the eel's surface carry my mind's liquid purpose no knowledge for certain that the folks to my left knew the light of tomorrow hands intertwined homogenized in ****** desire function scarce Scarab singing Jazz music freely the dirt rotates feeling the stampede atop the Earth the near challenge is knowing who's shadow is whose or the ortho- light casts veils of it's own.

The soul's propose it's own flow the ego a serpent hungers forwards slithering towards the greens with flames on it's breath seeing the birds take flight above head a prey uncaught until evolution is now leaning towards radio hearing the frequent tunes as ribs to the cavity of a god's chest emanating the tree as high as Saturn the rings around our hands, the halo above His head, the debris collects the King in his Place. All are racing space to the widest in diameter, the scope of a day only governed by the light's loop around our perspective of "el dia y todo el mundo" as he please he moves as he moves he pleases, the winter cold cries for dusk earlier and earlier whatever takes to be the (one)Tidal a lunar crescent in hand bearing Psyche as a Moon as the key to stand, Hope lives in the dark, I pander a door around the corner lives the Lucy painting her soul's truth daily ignoring the outside chronology and the trigger of social trigger, Quickness to cut through and the jungle of introverted hyper-defensiveness I carry the torch of ages through my genes trenches giving in Lapis Lazuli and the Brew he brews, Pick an arcana and Spit on the text before you read the book backwards and burn the pages on around or atop of aQuirkiness of quarks as I part eyes elementary in school zones ticketed for seeing the invisible truth- daring to run for the North to south soon to dissect into the tree. Self a fear, a fear a self force seeks wrath angelic as Templars Archon for King Jame's Ire. Breed a triplicate not shadow nor shade, a vision neither Light nor Astral but a Visage of the Sane, an Image of the Same, a Nephilim of Samael, an interest of the Identity of Unknown total to the Matrices of the Evils of Man
Believing what they told her. Fat. Stupid. Slow. Being what they expected her to be. Just to escape the torment. Resorting to the sidekick position. The helpless follower. Never equal. Always to slow to be worth it. The fat kid in gym. The last one to finish the math problem. Blamed on dyslexia on big bones. Then it happened like a caterpillar her shape morphed became something that might be desireable. But by then her wings were riddled with the holes from past abuse. There was no confidence only anger and defensiveness on her horizon. In an attempt to salvage what was left of her she flew away to a place she thought was beautiful. A place she could start new, fresh. A place where she could hide the holes. But in the end winter came freezing her keeping her from moving while she was attacked over and over by new beasts who tore the holes open and gradually made them into bottomless pools of sorrow... When summer came she rested and patched over the holes to try again somewhere new... How does the story end? Thats up to you.
SiouxF Dec 2021
Conversation inhibited,
Yet also free of constraint,
Small talk a challenge,
In depth conversation my forte
And interrogation my ally
Bombarding others with quick fire questions,
‘You’re too deep’ it has been said more than once
As I reveal too much once again.

Misunderstanding social cues,
Eye contact a no no,
****** expressions a blur,
Tone of voice a trigger,
Hence emotions a minefield.

Literal listening,
Literal speaking,
Leading to sense of humour bypass,
Don’t waste your innuendos, irony and sarcasm on me,
Direct speaking is what wins the day.

Overwhelming sensory overload,
Confusion,
Misunderstanding,
Mishearing,
Tendency towards negativity,
Introversion,
A war of words
Inside my head
Pouring out my mouth,
Tearing me apart
And those whom I love.

Now working hard to change the script,
To be aware of the impact of deficiencies, defensiveness and quirkiness,
To remain level headed and mindful
As I alternate between tiptoeing and running roughshod
Through the labyrinth of life.
The implications of probably having Aspergers, and a world view shaped by a narcissistic father
Sa Sa Ra Mar 2013
to tell you
you are terrific lately

Just because
you are all over
the map
of all creation

your prowess
is not discounted
here

forgive
conditional bones

you would have
no defensiveness

if you could put
your whole live's
goals, plans
ambitions, desires

into a single day

However there is
just this here now

one

and each of such dailies
and who can sniff each
as just another flower
upon the scent
of paradise

is the hourglass set
just the once
drifting time
unforeseen

or can forgiveness be
found through the occasional
dispensation somehow garnered

re-topping the hopper
Norbert Tasev Jan 2021
If the Sun calms down today, perhaps I can objectively state the fears of my dreaded fears, not in vain and maybe I will not be alone forever! It became a negative of many memories in my brain! A cherishing move takes hold of me, and it would be good not to let it go with the Goodness of an unconditional donor! In my room at night, the only contiguous falling reassurance — with every palm in turn, can only hesitate any human Promise — is the moment that can be evoked with a single act, when we gave estimated hands unconditionally to the other and he was so relaxed as to betray his word!
 
This is how a given, trusting word can only become a nodding, apostate Shadow! On my face, tattered, tired tears, like bouncing glass *****, trickle at a slow pace, Greek! I would love to throw out all the ingrained nonsense out of my brain! Immortal Dear unfolding, flawless figure as if he no longer promises me his redeeming unearthly charms! I still keep my restlessness to myself like the scream of an orphaned child!
 
Waiting for a new reverence for selfishness, I take part in disguised annihilation as I stifle my will to act every day, my heart attack tempers! I am a child even after all these years, and the fragments of the curved mirrors of my face are constantly wounding the Past with their testimony! - Can the lace bushes in love with my words burn someone with a warm glow ?! "I am pondering the depths of my expelled defensiveness, I think: what did I have to ruin so far?!
 
If the Sun calms down today, perhaps I can objectively state the fears of my dreaded fears, not in vain and maybe I will not be alone forever! It became a negative of many memories in my brain! A cherishing move takes hold of me, and it would be good not to let it go with the Goodness of an unconditional donor! In my room at night, the only contiguous falling reassurance — with every palm in turn, can only hesitate any human Promise — is the moment that can be evoked with a single act, when we gave estimated hands unconditionally to the other and he was so relaxed as to betray his word!
 
This is how a given, trusting word can only become a nodding, apostate Shadow! On my face, tattered, tired tears, like bouncing glass *****, trickle at a slow pace, Greek! I would love to throw out all the ingrained nonsense out of my brain! Immortal Dear unfolding, flawless figure as if he no longer promises me his redeeming unearthly charms! I still keep my restlessness to myself like the scream of an orphaned child!
 
Waiting for a new reverence for selfishness, I take part in disguised annihilation as I stifle my will to act every day, my heart attack tempers! I am a child even after all these years, and the fragments of the curved mirrors of my face are constantly wounding the Past with their testimony! - Can the lace bushes in love with my words burn someone with a warm glow ?! "I'm pondering the depths of my expelled defensiveness, I'm thinking: what did I have to ruin so far ?!"
answer Nov 2013
Believing what they told her. Fat. Stupid. Slow. Being what they expected her to be. Just to escape the torment. Resorting to the sidekick position. The helpless follower. Never equal. Always to slow to be worth it. The fat kid in gym. The last one to finish the math problem. Blamed on dyslexia on big bones. Then it happened like a caterpillar her shape morphed became something that might be desireable. But by then her wings were riddled with the holes from past abuse. There was no confidence only anger and defensiveness on her horizon. In an attempt to salvage what was left of her she flew away to a place she thought was beautiful. A place she could start new, fresh. A place where she could hide the holes. But in the end winter came freezing her keeping her from moving while she was attacked over and over by new beasts who tore the holes open and gradually made them into bottomless pools of sorrow... When summer came she rested and patched over the holes to try again somewhere new... How does the story end? Thats up to you.
white coat Jan 2015
People understand that I'm "insecure"
People understand that I don't take complements well
People understand that if you ask me what my strengths are I will struggle to give you a response

But what people don't understand is the utter hatred and loathing I have for myself as a person

If it wouldn't dissapoint someone I would rather be dead in a heart beat
I hate the life that Ive had and the life I forsee for myself and I know that all of it is my fault
Everything is my fault.
I am a bad person, and some how in my making the lines between riteous and evil where blurred infinitely

There is nothing good about me and nothing of value and I itterly disgust myself
So when people yell at me or critize me I often come off as arrogant by my lack of defensiveness and or solution because I am already so vividly and fully aware of the piece of **** **** that I am

I think if people really got that I would make a lot more sense to them and I could get away with a lot more
You are all wrapped up in your hostility remarkably
Handsome with that impish grin, hand playing
With the hem of the defensiveness I’m in.
You always step just a bit to close to test
Something in this
To gest at something
Better than this competition,
You would like us to both win.
Bite your lip again I like to think
You are more than a mistake that’s not mine to make,
Sometimes
I think…
I should let you win
And if you came here to press on my skin,
Pull at the edges of my uncertainty,
I might just let you in.
Martin Rombach Jul 2014
As the existential transition is signed and stamped and photographed for our fathers
My little journey a little later than others, an adherence to the structure sure, but where else will we learn
As the papers are handed in, the informal formalities hit home with just enough liquor
And we are torn between insecurity and empowerment
I notice among the bread and beer and bullshitting banter
One of the girls is looking my way a little longer

Her mind draws me in to a natural respect, an intelligence clearly and frankly explored
It is a source of comedy, a source of conversation, and for me I'd be lying if not a source of attraction
Naturally her appearance doesn't hurt the situation, a compliment of warm  smiles and intense colour coupled with an honest sense of self
And a sleek silhouette to hold it in

One thing this town has taught me, by both strangers and the self
It doesn't take much to be ****
The real goal is constructed from the subtle implication of your own taste
That you find that someone who is sexually and socially engaging
And who could add more than trivial ******* to your life
Someone who compliments and compares to you, reconstructing the familiar to something more rewarding

That is not to say *** is pointless
But if you find that right one who acts as your muse, *** is another exploration of that two way empowerment
Clothed and carrying on, you can talk out the simple and fantastical, defining direction as companions who find each other's presence a motivating reassurance
And in the sweat and the snog, after the spontaneous first **** frees you, you can start to suggest new tests of sensuality and mindfucking loveliness

I wonder if all those looks mean what I feel they mean
That she respects me in a way I haven't given her openness for, that I let those compliments go deeper than rain on the wind shield
That all the natural conversation is something for which I should let go of all the defensiveness that has kept me so comfortable in these years of functional formality
That maybe I should take a chance on this one, that cute one standing tall on her identity, in the same time of transition as me
But with less lessons behind her concreting her certainty

Maybe it's worth risking that bitter old ******* rejection just one more time
Maybe I should ask her if there's something
In
That
Really
Inviting
Look.
Iz Jan 2020
And when the only toxic thing left is you
Do you cut it out like they say to
The way you’ve been doing to them
Excusing bluntness in the name of self advocacy
Hiding your self hatred with self care
No face mask can remedy your thoughtlessness
Girl
you used to be liked
used to be genuine
Girl

Who are you

you never gossiped like this
this isn’t confidence
You all denial and defensiveness
This isn’t the change you want to make
I’m trying not to turn this into self pity when I know all of it is true
Selfhate doesn’t help anyone especially not you
what to give when there is nothing but possibility
you strip me of my mind and my pretenses
still there is a tension here
that arises from past defensiveness
last time we met we danced
and there was cohesion in your violence
your legs are two strong armies
making camp upon opposite banks of a river
you oppose everything without hesitation
and then release me into a thousand victories
Vince Chul'Theg May 2018
I see overreaction
You see red

You see: "you've broken a promise, watched it with
another boy"
I see: "I was lonely and wanted to watch
a movie we'd planned to watch together on my couch"

I see: turn over and slowly drift to sleep
with my love by my side
You see: you're being distant, now I feel alone
and hurt

You see: I smoked without him Thursday night,
that's so disrespectful of me
I see: you enjoying time with friends while I need
a night in alone

I see: you walk out of the galleria after saying
cattily: "I'll take those keys now"
You see: me hurting you, being inconsiderate, invalidating
your feelings

You see: the silent treatment
I see: you slowly inch away from me with each
passerby

I see: myself trying to understand why you feel so
intensely about this, why you believe me (by some default setting)
to be driven by self-interest; general inconsideration
You see: me invalidating you

You see: me as someone who can't see what I contribute
to the struggle
I see: you continue to question my awareness and intent

I see: clarifying questions, then my own defensiveness
because I am being accused of intent I never had
You see: your feelings invalidated and me being
defensive

I see: you assuming the worst
You see: what you want to see
Christian C Apr 2020
One hundred and three stories above a city
With jagged edges and winds that cut

With accidents that spill blood,
Fires that deafen,
Viruses that debilitate and exhaust,
Dread overflows from the hearts and hands of the people who love their city, their home

Distress enkindles compassion, defensiveness,
attentiveness until help arrives,
independence in those who know the responsibility of survival's continuum befalls on them,
necessitating community protect community,
beyond sleep-deprived eyes and peace-starved lungs

One hundred and three stories and counting of lives that cross and coalesce above a city
With jagged edges and winds that cut
With people who stand and shield one another from the piercing wind
Expecting nothing in return
This long time doodling Yankee 
(who calls Southeastern Montgomery, Pennsylvania LV
plus III four seasons visited 
upon swath of topography to see
and hear flora and fauna over run 
via industrialization he doth experience pity
sympathy, humanity deafening cacophony undermining 
once abundant bounty, which mutiny 
upon bounty outwits mother nature
in this REAL LIFE “GAME” of jeopardy 
where survival of the fattest dominates avast geography
thence a tempest in a global teapot doth brew
which phenomena Gaia foments,
inducing meteorologists due
tee fully issuing catastrophic fallout
asper category 5 carved foo
tang clan along Gulf Coast 
reserving special vengeance (alas domino effect) 
for oil derricks hue mans insatiably drill into 
ever more difficult to access reservoirs sans fossil fuels, but Jew
blintz echoes across watery expanse when excavator loo
king for liquid gold hit a mother lode
(or off shoot) exciting new
man hick pumps furiously fracking gnome hatter 
watching grim faced absent magic spells such as phew 
fi foe...aghast at the rapacious, pernicious, malicious....rue
th less ness heaped upon Planet Earth, 
where tipping point 
re: specifically **** Sapiens over population will true
lee interrogate meteorological altercations, conflagrations, and
exterminations of multitudinous
botanical and animal genus or species 
as wrath of monster storms akin to a oceanic brigand
wreaking loss of life and limb, additionally bringing destruction 
as megadeath metal lick ha - monstrous maelstrom 
mercilessly muscles itself when making land
fall, where record rainfall submerges
once smug Texans man
dated to evacuate far from the pan
demon harum-scarum as retribution
for incessant lambasting wan
ton ness exploiting terrestrial resources selfishly that will eventually ban
hush the dominant primate requisitioned to become extinct – anon

miss lee as voluntarism spontaneously spawned and spun off from Biblical deluge
strangers reaching out to rescue folks unbeknownst to them without a wince
forever prompting that age old question asper why do person only evince
good Sammaritism during disasters proof  
mortal camaraderie, defensiveness, from giving, generating 
kudzu offshoots providing salutary assistance doth convince.
humanity amidst adversity.
Fearless Oct 2019
Every time we speak, I feel like you are judging me
so I spout off without a care, nonsense to regret later
I don't know how you do it, but you make act defensively
when with everyone else, I'm a lover not a hater

I just want to talk to you the way I talk to others
but with you I cannot be myself, I don't know why
anyone else, can be instantly like sisters and brothers
but after you and I talk, I always want to cry

You make me so frustrated because I can't just be
and I don't know if it's you that's making this so tough
or if all this difficulty exists inside of me
All I know is that it never gets better it's always rough

You interrogate and fluster me and make me feel dumb
do you do it on purpose? Or is that just my perception?
then I leave our conversations feeling glum
It was so easy to talk to you at the relationship's conception

I think the best defense against this defensiveness
is to have a good offense of humility
I will stop trying with the impressiveness
and hopefully this will cause more tranquility

Your constant need for adoration is exhausting
but that is not my fault nor my job to fix
but if my own arrogance is part of it's causing
then I shall take that one ingredient from this awful mix

I don't know what problems are you in you
but I can do a lot to change the things inside of me
for some reason, I'm stuck on you like glue
I just wish that you could relax and be happy
SiouxF Oct 2020
Disempowering
Negative
Malicious
Beliefs from him
Imprinted onto me
Manipulating and controlling me
Blinkering me from the truth
Leading me down rabbit holes of lies, confusion and brain fog
For years and years
Leading to defensiveness,
Aggression
Unhappiness
Sadness
Denial of my true self
And my qualities and passions,
Keeping me playing small
Insignificant
Unworthy
Undeserving,
All because he was afraid
Of my greatness
And my strength.
*******!
Blinkers off!
They weren’t my beliefs!
None of it was true!
They were lies!
Letting go
Of this distorted perception of self
To enter into a deeper understanding of who I am
What I stand for
And to embrace and
Love and
Accept
All of me
As I am
Islam Marzouk Dec 2018
In our collision, a purpose found,
Order to the chaos, healing profound.
Minutes will weave solace, hurts appeasing,
Mending the broken, as time keeps releasing.

Negative feelings, captive and deceiving,
Soon departing, their grip relieving.
My hands extend, a touch gentle and slow,
Your skin, not cold, but a comforting glow.

Sensitivity, a trait relative,
Defensiveness, a stance defensive.
All fine, if it's not offensive,
Harmony sought, not battles intensive.

You're beautiful, the mirror may be dusty,
Its age revealed, a metal frame rusty.
Labels like manipulative, a maneuver's art,
Leaving no scars, keeping hearts apart.

Distance maintained, a choice in the dance,
Being intangible, enriching life's expanse.
Take your space, keep the resistance,
In the realm of existence, find your insistence.

— The End —