I hope you fall in love with being alive
That you feel it coarsing through your veins
Pumping in your heart
A light feeling in your chest
And all you want to do is scream for joy

Watch the horizon on fire, red hot embers coarsing through my veins.

Watch the sky turn red as the world ignites under my fingertips
As ash floats by I can taste chaos on my lips.

The winter cold can't stop me,
this heat inside is my soul's entity.
Melt the ice, set you free.
Inflame your heart, set a fire with my eyes.
Engulf you, be hypnotized.

Hypnotized, traumatized.
This little fire won't die inside,
Of me, of me
I'll make you bleed
With the cut of my words
And the sting of my reason
And show your face
To the world, i'll hold it on a silver plate
Expose your shame, expose your name
And you will take all the blame
For the offense and consequence are always the same.

Tasting this bittersweet,
Flavor of victory,
Accept your defeat.
Infiltrated your defense, retrieved your love,
Without regard and loss of sense.
Holding tightly, grasping your hips.
Pulling you lightly,caressing your lips.
Give in to the power, the control, just say yes.
Until that hour, you'll have no rest.
Breathing down my neck, this passion of mine.
Lust so strong, nowhere else will you find.
But here I wait,
Patiently i abide.
Waiting for our fate, as i burn inside.

And by burn I mean,
I breathe gasoline
To scream fire on the shore
And burn down every door
Where you'll find no safety in the arms of sleep
And when you hear my name i hope your knees get weak
And you tremble under the weight of gravity
So when you close your eyes darling think of me,
Breathe in sulfur and see my face
Just remember my touch was like delicate lace.
So when your hands move down her fragile curves
I know you'll remember me and feel the burn
Of my own touch through your fingertips
I wish your name never passed through my lips.

Like a needle in my arm
Injection flow through me
Your spirit gets me high
I soar on your insanity
Inhale your life
Activate my pulse
Remove the knife
I was dead from this loss -
Of love within
Our bodies evidence
Of our secret sin
Intoxication of my soul
Devoured from the inside out
No longer whole
The cliff of heartbreak under my feet
I jump to embrace
Death so sweet
Falling through the air
Falling for you
Tell me, do you care
That I die for you
Looking at this reflection
I see another face
A masquerade, a deception
The woman I was
Gone without a trace
Masks I put on
Shield what's hidden deep
But I can't hide my eyes
That hold the secrets that I keep
Persist with your looking
But me you will not see
The day you view who I am
That day will never be
Face to face you think we are
You don't know me
The heart you think I have
Will never be seen
Ensnared by your kind
Many times in past
So I defend this heart of mine
Your act will not last
To break my heart
You'll never get the chance
I won't even let you close enough
To cast a single glance
So move along Casanova
Before in you I strike fear
Those lies and your false promises
Are no longer needed here

take pictures. walk to the drug store on a crisp summer night
and buy one of those old cheap cameras. carry it like you would a child.
when you smile, genuinely, take a photo. when you feel that warm touch of the sun on your face
and the wind tangling your hair into knots, take a photo. every moment
is so precious. keep these pictures until you are seventy three
and barely remember the names of the faces you once pressed your lips to.
keep them until "film" is an unknown word.

when love is coarsing fast through your veins,
wrap your hands around the source. squeeze tighter, don't stifle your breath. don't let
your words drop like anchors down your throat. don't let the world tell you
that you're not enough. love is love. it is not a hand on your thighs or the shaking afterwards.
it is not purchased in pink giftwrap. it is whatever you make it. and even though
it may not last forever, you can only pretend that
this will be the last time you ever touch. love infinitely and exhaustively.

never let anyone's opinions or decisions
put a halt to the pursuit of your own happiness. you
are the creator of this life that you own. you were born with so much potential and so much passion
that it floods out of you like rainwater. destroy the drought. you are free to be anything
you could ever dream of, and more. there are always second chances; every moment
you feel is a failiure is only a lesson in a perilous disguise. if you are sad,
do not drown yourself in your own despair. do not douse yourself
in liquor. do not keep secrets packed away in dimly lit corners. someone loves you.
I love you. there is hope in even the places that seem forlorn.

above all else, live every day as if it is your only.
take chances.
take chances.
take chances.
never pass up on an opprotunity due to fear. you may
slip up and make a faulty choice. but in the end, your heaviest regrets
will be not getting into that car. not kissing the girl with the beautiful blonde hair.
not hugging someone goodbye, or calling them to tell them you love them in the peak of morning.
every second is more precious than money can label.
stop dragging yourself from the grasp of your sheets when you wake with a sigh- rise even earlier
to see the lavender sky and smile because you're alive and every single **** day
is a novel anxiously awaiting to be scribbled down. grab his hand
and squeeze it tighter. hold her hips and memorize their shape. never let go. ask questions.
push yourself. live.

You are bonfire smoke
Clinging to my favorite clothes
Washed my hair 30 times
Felt your hair in my fingers
Every single time

And when I look in the mirror
I wear your smile
This glow in my eyes
Is reflecting off your skin

If I pricked my finger
It'd be your blood
You're coarsing rapidly
Through my veins
*I need a transfusion to escape

Get up.
Put on clean pants, a clean shirt.
Brush your teeth, god ******, and floss em
too.
I know, today the demons are howling
poison in a ceaseless ringing in your skull; every appendage aching heartily with each movement. Keep moving. Don't be
consumed by it. Don't listen.
Drink your morning coffee, have
your morning ****. Wipe til the paper runs clean.
Get up - go outside.
Breathe deep; count to a thousand, listen to the wind in the leaves and the honking of busy people that can't wait. Listen to the soft coo of morning doves and listen to the ceaseless coarsing of blood as it runs in circles throughout your body.
Watch birds float, intertwined in a back-and-forth that may be familiar. Watch them
swoop this way and that, pecking and chirping.
Get up.
I'm pleading, begging
please get up.
If not right now, if not today,
when?

This isn't for the dancers dancing under the lonely streetlights with their partner, Jack Daniels coarsing through their pathetic veins
This isn't for you, sound asleep in your down comforters while your air conditioner sings to the household
This isn't for you, completely unaware of exactly how much you mean to me that after 4 months, I'm still crying every night
This is for me. For the one who can't cry herself to sleep because she can't sleep and for the one who can't "eat her feelings" because she can't eat. Yes, this is for the one who's heart is too big for her sleeve.

When I see you
It's like time freezes for a little while
I feel my body get rigid and tense
Because the blood coarsing through my veins feels the fire burning with hurt and love and hatred and passion.
I act like everything is fine, but inside.
Inside of me I can feel my heart beating faster as if danger is approaching. I can feel my hands sweat and my back stiffen.
I want to speak to you
But I know I'll never say the words I want to say.
And why should I, anyway?
Whats the point?
You don't love me anyway. You never did.

The airs chilling howl
Screaming its sorrows
The skies thundering cry
Draining its eyes dry

Pain flows along the winds
Coarsing our skin
Drowning in the tears
Chilling to the vein

But behind all this pain
I see cheerful times
Plants are blooming
In the wind the tree chimes

Birds are now chirping
The sun poking his eye
Through a tear in the grey mask
Mask fading, uncovering the sky

Marionette

Marionettes made to do with hands on strings
Serpants smiling squirming savage stings
A hope for justice as the pendulum swings
You're in the arms of dark angels that sing

Coarsing through your blood is acid
The road now you walk a different passage
Woman born of the masses
Take all charge and learn to savage

The strings are cut as she thinks better of it
Wading through cat **** and smelling dog ****
Left burning beside the road is a pigs body and a black leather outfit
She smokes a cigarette her only habit

I think I've got a tapeworm
Rustling round in intestine bushes
The little body hedge being slinked about
Food supplies gnawed at by sneaky rats
Vein boxes watch in cold quiet slats
Who's that
Worming around in the water
Who's that happening cat gobbling up the drip-drap-drop
Coming down through the gob

I think I've got a tapeworm learning how to cave traverse through my coarsing plains
No veins?
No intestines
Big or small
Large or minute
Minute by minute coverage but the pictures crackled and noises muffled
Of course they are they're coming through
Body mass that's covered in a mask
A mask? That's new to mention that
Is it? I thought I had from the start
Didn't I tell you

I think I've got a tapeworm.

The sea was black

What do you get when you mix:
Red
Blue
Yellow?

Primeval opaque primordial mash; marinating the multitude of lifes mass

Energy polarized and divided
Each gaseous faction lurching dredging dense cumulonimbus depths
Exhausting volume's finite designation
Convergent catalyst; cataclysm creation

Brightness bursting blacks truest shade
Ludicrous lashes cascade, unfurling hysterically from crystal prisim shrapnel; struck and shattered

Focused lazer pushing downward; lunging upwards

Coarsing carbons culmination
Ancient artistry; amino acids
Brilliantly binding
Briskly building Romanesque colonades
Lintels streched over arches spiraling into domes; Civilization's ornate chromosomal architecture

Rendering relic reference point by which all will be considered

And the times changed from rage to solace
to watching lilacs intensify with love

Safety of the heart has been my cure, the catalyst
and science of healing the nourishing water

And when I am safe I am every bud awakening,
the trees whisper to each other my nickname

Glass spheres of dramatic scenes spin precariously
over my head, unbroken, a beautiful dancing mobile

Beliefs of self, of life, of others, of you, I cleansed as often
as sleep and darkness calmed my mind and repaired each cell

A chapter down, a lesson learned and an expanding mind
Is all that's needed to wash away the charred residue of ego

The times evolve unseen to the naked eye, but slow,
in such the way a larvae flickers to a queen bee of gold

I had mercury and sulphur coarsing through my veins
but the oils nourished my bones while I tore at my skin

My mind grew and stretched and tightened like a wormhole,
resistance was my protection but not my mother's milk

Every step my feet were cut by shards of angry memories
but the skin calloused each time and simply smirked, bemused

I have seen the hurricane,

I have caused the avalanche,

the firestorm met me where I lay in bed at sunrise

Yet here I am.

It was when I chased a dream
Eyes wide open,
And the dream never dies,
Seeing the best when
Its gone,
Feeling the drops against my
Face coarsing my cheek
Like her beloved fingers,
Feeling with my heart and mind
After the loss,
When the morning smells
Of coffee in some store on some
Broken road when
home hits hardest,
That all the moments,
Every tiny bit and pièce
I took for granted never
Left me,
But live on in some dark corner
Of the universe where stars
Are born,
And I am alive between
The spaces.

Black tar
Gone far
Exercise until I'm skin and bones
Nothing left but dial tones
Coarsing through my blood
Levee holding back the flood
Pulling hair
Can't compare
To the rush of sugar in my veins
Finally I take hold of reins
My eyes begin to dilate
Carbohydrates start to migrate
Heart racing
Quiet pacing
I can do anything and more
As long I have shut the door

I think as light brightens the mirror
See the jittering girl drawing nearer
Euphoria crumbles like aged cheese
Sick to my stomach and weak at the knees
Sugar high to sugar drops
Sugar left 'til sugar stops