Oh, Dear, tell me
how to shut my brain
from boiling of anger?
or muffled the cries
from my heart out of
pains and memories of him?
please tell me the place
where he's not there
cause obviously
falling asleep is not working
and waking up is even worse

Hiding under heavy lids
And sleepy heads
You could not bring yourself
To leave your bed

So you tuck up the covers
And snuggle with a pillow
You don't care about that fly who hovers the window
"Oh,"
You think,
"This time is as rare as a four leaf clover"

Still air
The fly has stopped whirring
The room cascaded in calm, light blue
You aren't cranky
You don't feel sick
The bed just won't let go

Rejected, if not misunderstood,
these girls do me no good,
in groups in pairs, no one cares,
they're pretty, that's enough.

Relatively speaking, the floors
are squeaking in this house of
lies. She stands so close to me,
she's looking, I cannot respond

She seemed not very fond of
who I was and what I said, but
signals are mixed and misinterpreted

by both, or not, it is the fact not knowing
that ruins this situation, overshadowing.

the excessive desire to stay in bed

woke up to the bitterness in my mouth again
stuck on my throat
so i thought i’d get rid of it
for you.

woke up to the bitterness in my mouth again
i am still telling myself
putting this in words isn’t in vain.

these fingers used to run freely
tenderly, through your hair
and through this nest of thoughts.
unruly, but surely, telling me with certainty
i am deserving.

lately, they are hesitant and careful
as if there is nothing worthy to boast about
this silent room is made for poets
i can’t hear anything.

woke up to the bitterness in my youth again
and it’s telling me you are the last thing i need.
as i sit by my bed and try to count the lines in my skin
not as if there is still light within.
still, i tirelessly burn them until they turn blue
one by one, reminding me of the days i could have spent loving you.

they will write you beautiful letters
you will be part of enchanting melodies
somewhere this piece of crumbled paper won’t reach,
but it still knows, i am trying
for you.

Petrichor- the scent of rain on dry earth.
eunoia (n.) beautiful thinking; a well mind.
basorexia(n.) the overwhelming desire to kiss.
elysian(adj) beautiful or creative; divinely inspired; peaceful and perfect.
clinomania(n.) the excessive desire to stay in bed.
psithurism(n.) the sound of the wind through the trees.
aegis- protection, support
affable- 1. easy and pleasant to speak to; approachable. 2. gentle and gracious.
agrestic- 1. rural; rustic. 2. unpolished; awkward.
alexithymia- inability to describe emotions in a verbal manner
ameliorate- to make or become better; improve.
anathema- 1. a formal ecclesiastical ban, curse, or excommunication. 2. a vehement denunciation; a curse. 3. one that is cursed or ******. 4. one that is greatly reviled, loathed, or shunned.
antediluvian- 1. extremely old and antiquated. 2. occurring or belonging to the era before the Flood.
apodyopsis- 1. the act of mentally ******* someone. 2. imagining women naked; ******* women mentally.
apolaustic- devoted to enjoyment
apostasy- abandonment of one's religious faith, political party, principles, or a cause.
apricity- the warmth of the sun in the winter.
assuage- 1. to make (something burdensome or painful) less intense or severe. 2. to satisfy or appease (hunger or thirst, for example). 3. to pacify or calm.
ataraxia- calmness or peace of mind; emotional tranquility.
atrabilious- 1. melancholic; gloomy. 2. irritable; ill-natured; peevish
bailiwick- one's particular area of activity, interest, or authority
banausic- merely mechanical; routine. 2. of or relating to a mechanic
clandestine- done in secret; needing to be concealed.
curple- buttocks; ****
doryphore- one who draws attention to the minor errors made by others, esp. in a pestering manner; a pedantic gadfly
dystopia- 1. an imaginary place or state in which the condition of life is extremely bad, as from deprivation, oppression, or terror. 2. a work describing such a place or state:
ecdysiast- a striptease artist
effusive- 1. unrestrained or excessive in emotional expression. 2. profuse; overflowing
euphony- agreeable sound
flapdoodle- foolish talk; nonsense
frippery- 1. pretentious, showy finery. 2. pretentious elegance; ostentation. 3. something trivial or nonessential
gelid- very cold; icy
gigglesome- prone to giggling
globule- a small spherical mass, especially a small drop of liquid
inchoate- 1. in an initial or early stage; incipient. 2. imperfectly formed or developed.
incondite- 1. poorly constructed. 2. lacking finish or refinement; crude
indemnify- 1. to protect against damage, loss, or injury; insure. 2. to make compensation to for damage, loss, or injury.
kakistocracy- government by the worst or least qualified citizens
kerfuffle- a disorderly outburst or tumult
lachrymose- 1. weeping or inclined to weep; tearful. 2. causing or tending to cause tears.
lackadaisical- lacking spirit, liveliness, or interest; languid
libertine- 1. one who acts without moral restraint; a dissolute person. 2. one who defies established religious precepts; a freethinker
logorrhea- excessive, incoherent talkativeness
maudlin- effusively or tearfully sentimental.
noctilucous- shining in the night
nullipara- a woman who has never given birth
obloquy- verbal abuse of a person or thing
perfidy- 1. deliberate breach of faith; calculated violation of trust; treachery. 2. the act or an instance of treachery.
quixotic- extravagantly chivalrous or romantic
susurrus- a soft, whispering or rustling sound; a murmur
transmogrify- to change into a different shape or form, especially one that is fantastic or bizarre
tryst- a secret meeting between two people who are having a romantic relationship.
usurp- 1. to seize and hold (the power or rights of another, for example) by force and without legal authority. 2. to take over or occupy without right
vertigo- 1. the sensation of dizziness; an instance of such a sensation. 2. a confused, disoriented state of mind.
vitiate- 1. to reduce the value or impair the quality of. 2. to corrupt morally; debase. 3. to make ineffective; invalidate.
Papilionaceous- having the form of a butterfly, having corolla with two wings resembling those of a butterfly

My heart is a calamity containing calidity
I condone my situation because of what I view as justification... validity

I commence in feeding an ego that soon will be too immense for my own body

To lobby for draining more of who I was to satisfy a condition that should cease in existence...
(Who I am)
Has no point.

It's chronic to my health and as I continue to comment
I wish a cosmic allotment would hit me

I close my eyes and fade
Hoping to capture my reveries, but instead
I capitulate to the reality bleeding through my eyes

My insides dwell under a crimson sunset sky
How can the sun dare to shine on a place frozen over?
Ineffable and sublime

I attempt to open my eyes
Stopped by my bride, clinomania
She lies next to me in bed
I'd try to get out, but the only thing left is my head

Even then the dessert sand interior never fails to blow right through my hands
Binding my bones
Paralyzing my stance

I might be on Mars
That was never the plan

Yet, here I stand
Tongue in hand
Heart full of blood

Why is nothing ever enough?

//As I stare at those photographs,
multiple emotions cross my mind.
Every memory, good and bad
comes to my mind as I reminisce.
The childhood days that I spent
playing with dogs,
And the teenage years
that I now spend writing.
The time when I was a social being
and now when I'm totally different.
The memories of school days
cross my mind for a moment
when I think of the chaos in life,
and the serenity in that chaos.
The days when I was eager to get out of bed,
and now when I have clinomania every morning.
As I stare at these photographs,
I am happy and I am sad,
for the flashbacks of memories
are good and bad.
This is my kaleidoscope of memories,
which has made me who I am,
and I am a living paradox,
since life is black and white.
With every white, there's a black,
and this is a world of grey areas,
and adjusting to a single shade,
would make it a boring place.//
~Swati