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Nae Nov 2013
“Nicole Brunelli, the first small town journalist receiving...” - no - “...the best journalist of Ludlow receiving the Pulitzer Prize! She is ambitious, determinated, fearless, unstoppable and this couldn’t be possible if she wasn’t like this otherwise she would never had revealed the macabre events of Bethlem Royal Hospital! Aaaaaaah”.
My name is Nicole Brunelli I’m 28 years old and I’m a journalist. My childhood wasn’t easy but what childhood was? My mom died when she gave me birth, and my dad... lo... my dad loved me too much until my 16 years old. By then I was starting college and I went to live with a friend of mine, we moved to  Glasgow and we graduated together. We had the time of our life and I ended up marrying him, a few years later we moved to a small town called Ludlow, we had our precious first child and I became an unknown journalist. But now everything changed, this is what I was meant to do.
I research about Bethlem Asylum and some archive stuff just doesn’t make sense, death dates, nonexistent patients, witnesses like one man who lived in the area of the hospital attested to the “cryings, screechings, roarings, brawlings, shaking of chains, swearings, frettings, and chaffings to be heard from the outside.” and he also said something about the managers of the facility that were known as Keepers, and were seemingly as frightening as they sound.  One such Keeper, Helkiah Crooke, a member of the medical department of the royal household, took over, ousting the former for being “unskillful in the practice of medicine.” It could be assumed that he would then handle the medical inattentions to the patients, but no records were ever made of any medical needs of the patients. He himself referred to the patients as “the poore” or “prisoners”. Something is not right I feel it and that is why I’m going there to scrutinize, and due to this I’m going to be the first and the best small town journalist receiving a Pulitzer.
My husband doesn’t really agree with this, but he knows how I am, he knows I’ll do everything for my Pulitzer, and to make him and our baby proud of me...
The time has come, this is it. My future is about to change, I am here now, after a bus ride to Bethlem that **** 3 hours and 45 minutes, I am here.
They refused to receive me! They don’t let me in! They don’t let me in and they don’t give me any information about their procedure on patients or anything! No, no, no, no. I gotta find another way to get in.  I have to. I gotta find another way in. I’ve got to do this! I don’t know what to do, I was so close, so ******* close! I can’t give up, I can’t! I’ve got to do this! This is what I was meant to do!

One night passed and I was still there waiting for them to let me in until the night watch, where a nurse thought I was one of them trying to run, or at least that was what she wanted me think. For instants I thought “This is my chance! This is it” until I realised that once I get in, the difficult part is to figure how to get out.
Three days passed and I realised what they were doing there...people coming in aisle F as sanes or insanes and two days later coming out as vegetables or dead... They were using patients, human beings, and most of them weren’t even crazy at least when they got there, and they were using them as cavies for their experiences.
Of course, who would believe in crazy people?
After the seventh day as a patient in the Asylum I had earned the right to a guided tour to aisle D... where they give you shock therapy. Apparently I’m a messy patient, I talk to much and I refused to take some pills, so they sent me to see Mr. Cleymoore, the asylum shrink so he could diagnose me; he said that I would never see my family again, that I would never see my husband or my baby again, he said he knew all about me, and he wanted me to sign myself in the asylum but I refused to do that...So they faked my death. In my plug diagnosis my name was no longer Nicole Brunelli, now I was Lisa Coventry and I was diagnosed with hidden schizophrenia and double personality disorder, caused by the fire that killed my family when I was 16 years old.
But how would they know all of this? My family, my past, my whole life?! It doesn’t make any sense!
Three months passed and I had a tour to aisle D every week. This place was crazy, it makes me think who are the insane people here. The way they treated people! The way the “disturbed” were chained up to walls and posts like dogs. They slept on beds of straw only as the water supply did not allow for washing of linens. The way the rooms had exposed windows, leaving the patients in damp conditions at the mercy of all weather and utter darkness at night. The hospital itself was actually noted as “a crazy carcass with no wall still vertical,” offering only leaking, caved in roofs, uneven floors and buckling walls.
Under Crooke’s Keeping, the residents were not only filthy and unclothed, but malnourished to the point of starvation using a “lowering diet,” of intentionally slim portions of plain food only twice a day. It was meant to deplete and purge the madness out of the victims, while helping to conserve money. 
 There were no fruit or vegetables to be given. Mostly bread, meat, oatmeal, butter, cheese and plenty of beer was the menu. While all of this is terrible, the true horror was in the moneymaking scheme that kept it running at all. Originally, the hospital was open to the public in hopes that food would be brought to the inmates from the community. Quickly, money was charged, creating a sideshow where the public was invited to watch patients displayed in cages, laugh at them as they banged their heads repeatedly on the walls, and even to poke them with sticks and throw things at them.
 Luckly I made a friend there, Mike Spencer was his name, he was the male nurse who used to do the night watches, he used to stay all night with me just talking and making promises; he knew I wasn’t crazy and that actualy helped me keeping me sane, at least for a while.
 Six months passed and I wasn’t the same.
They are coming, they are coming...they are coming for me...they are coming for Lisa.
 It’s cold, the cold tastes like blue. - Ahah - it tastes like blue! - Ahah...It’s cold... they are coming for Lisa, Lisa doesn’t want to go with them...
 She said that she’ll keep me safe, she said she would take care of Lisa. Lisa is hearing them, They are coming! Lisa doesn’t want to go, no, no, no, NO.
 She said they wouldn’t hurt me. YOU SAID THEY WOULDN’T HURT ME! They, gave me shocks again, they gave Lisa shocks.
 It’s not my fault. They know. They know. They must know why am I here if they don’t know? It’s not my fault she made me do it! She said it was the best thing! Now they can’t have him. Now he’s safe. My unborned baby is safe. They can’t have him now.
 She said she would protect me...She said she would protect Lisa. Shut the voices down! Shut the voices! She’s saying bad things. Lisa doesn’t like what she’s saying. She keeps telling me - “ You killed your mother when she gave you birth! it’s your fault that daddy loved you and used you to replace her! You know you liked when he used to play with you and love you. Everybody knows he used to did it what people didn’t knew was that you liked it! you wanted more! You know he only did it because you let him! And you certainly know who started the fire who killed him...” - SHUT UP! We need to shut the voices down! We need to shut the voices! shut...shut the voices...shut the... shut the voices down... shut the voices down... shut... shut the... shut the voices...
 She said Mike promised. She said Mike promised Lisa to take me out of here... Mike promised.
Two more months passed and I was completly insane due the shock therapy, but Mike kept his promise and he took me out of there, in the middle of the night he gave me a coat and he drove me to South Hampton seaport, he gave me the ticket and said that that was the further he could go. Along with the ticket he also gave me his lucky neckless and told me he bought me a ticket to Cuba so I could be free. I left a friend in that seaport a really good friend but I needed to go I couldn’t go back to that place.
 I had no lugagge, no shoes, nothing, just a coat, a neckless and a ticket to freedom.
 I had to ****** adapt to the situation and try to go unnoticed and not to attract to many attention, so I went to my cabine and stayed there until the end of the cruise for the maximum I could.
For You- Butch my friend from Philippines ocean away to Cali U.S.A

FRIENDSHIP is like Red Rose in my Garden.

It is not the  sum -total on how many it BLOOMED

but unfathomable beneath the ROOTS thriving & Sprouting.

Purview as Emoting little some Some,

little Bored,

little Depleted

little sad, or yielding to the Inevitable!

Languish to anguish perhaps from  lack of vitamin 'ME"..Ahah!

Thereby stayed in touch, in Tuned

following  the thread   with ME.

My Friend so close yet Afar.

Truly Extraordinary,
wonderfully Smiling
and  adamantly Affirms:

"You  are D apple of my Eye!"
Every time WE see eye to eye in social networking  called Facebook
Through Cyber Space
The abounding witty comments of "***'s," "Ohhs "and 'AAhhs"
makes everyone amused with Awe of such silly antics we so accorded!

A blessing, a gift from God.

So unusual Diamonds so Alike
a  rare atypical like it!

..so Uncommon

Not Phony friends out there to  deceive & Decry..
Succumb unlikely in Waterloo!

But You  definitely a Diamond to my passion!

As girl's BFF, a Buddy or a Sweet chum or Dude!
Not a Foe but Pal Forever.

And  just to let You Know , my Friend,
You  are  like a Diamond so brilliant
Found like a rare gemstone from a dust
who is never be a mere coincidence to bring JOY & Delight  
to the norm & Conform.

So for  now.. priceless friend like You..is for me to treasure the friendship between Us.

Thank you, my Friend,

I will always be here & there for You as a Friend in Deed!
It started when I looked at the clock:

                       9:17

The coffee maker convinced me to stay
Had I planned to leave?
Yes, of course, the channel
I left it on

She's there. Again?
Wait, I heard that!
Who's there?

#“Could find my way to Marianna---ahah--ah”

The sine wave! That's it!
I left them in the car.
These fibers are congregating
They want to get me,
But I am just a flea!


It started when I looked at the clock:

                      9:18

I sat down with Earth and ate Earl's burrito
Saturn bent down and showed me tomorrow
The radio crackled as the molecules throttled

^“We're all Immigrants and hypocrites, delusionals and sycophants”

I saw my fingers start to disappear
Then my hands, my arms
Even my ears! My EARS!

I loved those ears...

It started when I looked at the clock:

                    9:16

They're here, aren't they?
Radio crackles, you heard them!
They're audible!

               (3333333)

The gorilla near the out goes strut, strut, strut
I felt the universe collapse inside my gold tux

Could you watch my fish for me?


Marked stuff borrowed from:

# Pixies- Wave of Mutilation
^Star ******* Hipsters- Immigrants and Hypocrites

I felt like it, that's why.
Magical silence of Midnight..
as we ponder moments of life.
Solemn  thoughts at tranquility..
Virtues guiding our pursuit..
Images of distant loves..blurr our waning thoughts..
Envisaged You through virtual reality
of thirty years or some more
so ago,
I haven't encroach Thy heart
to no one but You.
A rare bloom floret to my sight!
Beauty Ahah!,,I cant resist this thorn in my Rose Garden.
"And tempted by the charming fragrance of
the blooming gardener".- whom He divulged:
                "Purple bloom reflects a purple heart that expresses love unsurpassed,,,I am writing these words  with my crimson blood ,, to equal thy charm the glow of your love"
He recounted to me over.
Then I know I behold to keep it in my
cognizant jeweled mind, oh so dear.
With my long blondish brown hair
swaying softly cool but warm.
Truly though agitated by the
earthly abating absence-
of Your tangible touch.
Unsurpassed by my astral dream
with much ado!
Gladly remembering You,
in my fervent thoughts.
Thereby cherishing you
on times when things make sense
to me-
out of distress,
to madness so unlikely permeates.
When I am down in anguish, I couldn't weather!
                      "Let the beauty of the woven words ,,
                        guide Your day into fruitfulness, so deary,
                        "Let the rhythm and cadence gives You music in Your restlessness."
  Sir I said, ' I love You" withal affirms..
                       "Let the laughter of my jokes, '
                         lighten Your burden, ease Your yoke,
                       "Let the fire of fiery words be Your armor n silent sword!"
Woe to me as I heed to hearken and thirst for more!
                       "Let d spell of Your poignant smile,,
                         fills my cup instead of wine,,so that I may lie in deep slumber
                         as I gulp Your sweet nectar so divine!"
                         T'is lady  Rose ( scientific name liigaiea vellenoeva) is the best
                         of them all,,
                       I wanna pick her!'
He likewise and inadvertently  told thine.
Along came my sweet behold, I so to keep.
Love such a splendor, undeniably volatile,
in total intimacy desperately onto
conjures.
Yodeling and Yonder fire churning escapades,
To someday crossed our paths
should not perish, So afar!
I beseech thee, make me a swell great day!
Even though  fuming flowers and bees so abounds!
In a ROSE  minted heartland
truly endowed.
Thy thorn so stuck amidst for
You and me
For every storm to grasp its thrushes,
Be res-assured nifty and dandy
For you my daddy
to come Home to,
and hangout together.
That pokes and pukes
Lingered though day in day out,
colloquially.
From jive to logic.
From sane to insanity.
Only one soldered Thorn sojourns!
D Lowell Wilder Feb 2017
The day we roared with infinite jest the
larder packed tight with provisions burst.
So much canned meats, tinned, pemmican
hardtack we had stored knowing our
journey north would be sufficiently trying
that sustenance would prove difficult.

The slog.  The slacking day when you rolled
off the sled, creviced.  Your voice booming blue
crystalline as we see, no escape.  Trapped and
the cans I hurl into the hole.

Hours I read to you lipped, curled into a
snail, a shell, a crocus of yellow
a dread of
finishing the story and saying to you there is
no
more.  So you cannot tell, when the pages have ended
I make up confabulate truth and fiction
embellish.  
Pretend the story line marches
forward decades and we are in the Amazon;
You’ve discovered
that the water
that seemed
guileless is crocodile filled.
They bite hard and
you can imagine.

All primary colors on the
floes, all glacial movement, slow to melt, fast to burn through
the colors of our arctic rainbow.
I had primed the lamp the last night, before that dawn, before
the ride in which you fell.  
The wick trimmed and each
consequential action of the day I placed
hanks of hair
neatly side by side into banks of snow.  
Under my cracked tongue is
a bump that rolls
mole like cyst.  

Partner of my travels to this cold realm, your self shelved.
Below:  Did you hear me whisper?  Asking why today
have I become.  
The whispered promise of holding
upright against the dark.  I thought.
It would be magnificent.  

Not even fanfare.  Or aurora borealis.  Or flight.
Yes dreams of flying.  
Yes dreams of ahah so it is after all.
I thought I would recognize the moment of unleashing.  
What makes the special now?
If I whisper Abandon I might hear you echo in the ice.  I might see your
boot, attached to.  A glove alone, unpaired.

The story they lived, the story they tell is one of each husky,
one by one, no longer.  Starvation and then there are none.
But we are in the Amazon, and it is a scorching hot day and there is
much to be explored until you fall into the river and get bit.

I take it all back.  
You laugh because I add flying monkeys which is
us pretending that we’ve explored
this terrain which looks like a bed
in a room and a chart.  
They cannot
stop your bleed, and so we begin again.
Abrupt loss.
Matthew A Cain Jan 2016
Excuse me,
Would it trouble you terribly so
If I barrowed this seat
This empty seat
And,
If I may impose can I steal a minute, or three?

And I simply must ask the name by which you have chosen.
For it will be known
That on this crisp morning of little significance by time
Or season,
I was given the name of an angel.

Ahah!
Yes!
Infect me with your smile
The whimsical one I spied from across this very room.

Oh but please, don’t hide your smile so lovely,
For I crave it already
And besides,
Your eyes simply cannot lie!

But wait!
You twirl your hair?
Do I make you nervous?
Surely it’s the contrary,
I swear!

You see my heart is a flutter and my stomach is churning
My mind is racing
And I am just hoping
Hoping you won’t notice

My palms are sweaty
I am speaking far too quickly,
Or that my foot is subconsciously tip-tap tapping away

But despite my anxiety threatening to steal my lips I must press on

Where were you born?
What city or town, did you or do you call home?
And I hope I’m not intruding
But do you come from a small or large family?

You ask my name and return every question in kind but I assure you my answers are rather unimportant,
And besides our time is short
And my heart is burning
I fear I cannot wait a second or minute longer

So I ask before I go
May I share another conversation over breakfast or dinner?
For it really doesn’t matter

And if you answer “no”
Just know that I will be fine
For I feared I hardly had a chance.

Scratch that
My heart will break and cry
But it comes as no surprise.

But with your fair grace I have my answer
And with elation and dread I chance to see you again.
Although a bit of a longer poem I wrote this with the intent to tell the story of meeting that special someone, that makes your heart leap and stomach churn, for the first time.
We reside in reverie of
a man's company of hast
eccentric,
Grounded esoteric warfare,
All earthened-thoroughfare,
But alike us, all out wearing
multitude hats to some
degree of what is unwise.
To others..
I dare say this..
For a resolution of one's
Dissapointment offers
Us all a foretaste of
Inevitable- forthcomings
Under the mercy of thy-
Spellbinded-hearts,
Onslaught his own sleeves:
Bekonst affaires of the
hardy-hearted-
Wherein notorious lover-
He who doth lies,,,
Polite lies,
Thou guise.
Littlelest white lies,
It's utterly obvious,,,
So cute, naye,to get
ahead of the said ploys,  
Such looks that decieves,
Evenso for personal gains.
Disgraced, preeminently-
-Alas--so stigmatized!
Abide by a fool out of
my comfort zones.
Yet, hiding on a closet-nesting.
Justifying-lies after lies..
With the audacity to be politically correct.
Forthwith, stretching-
Delusion yet so untrue-
Sounds crazy but hear me out so true!
Unbeknownst in disconnect..
Forsworn lurching bare-balistic!
Canst be so in denial-
Oh hush, onto morally
wrong by betrayal.
Unless confronted-be lull,
I tell you, misery loves partying.
When shall a victimeless crime-
Sets forth principles?
Of a reasonable prisoner of one's skin.
Wherefore, cowards can't accept the truth.
When and what not-
Alongside comes with a price tags..
Shall allow statement that  hurts.
Where the finest truth starts,
The art of thee fib begins.
It's written into thy heart's desires,
Commonality of hyped-up cultures,
Anything to trending... Mainstreaming  society at-aghast.
Say, the misunderstood,
Barren disadvantaged-breathe..
Yet naive to the "game-chasm"
Asforth in danger o' thy  being hurt,
As azure gust blurt--controlled by others.
Besides roundabout,
-dumping ones guilt on
someone's shoulder,
Confronted by disguise.
Ye about now, all outcries-
A beacon dreams,
Bearable fears,
Insecurities..
Thus, thyself true nature -"selfish self "
Beat a cutthroat belief system,,,
Towards inconvenient truth.
Of what's true-blue,
In realm world, of for reals.
Before we lose any sense.
Surely a bad habit of doing so.
Let alone endure the sustainable
enough to make it good.
Accordingly-keeps sagely,
Sanity once and for all intact,
To my name,  hold - fast-
-to -knowing and learning
To either thine honeyed
indulgences work on it..
until my rapture and sin not.

Be on -Ahah-moment
unto full -blown-healthy living
Yea, a better way to do something,
I'm begging you...
Unto benighted babes of the night,
So pleadingly asking for,
And wanting to play it safe,
Herewith, ne'erland of make-believe.
Forth any love deserves a-worthy,
Ought not be in the malady.
Ably a-mighty,
Be a gentle-carrier,
Incorruptible as a splendor,
Be virtous not a pretender.
But submit and surrender.
Ah! what life's blur,
Yeah, are all about:
Oh ye, unfair world to pout!

Hello humankindness,
Goodbye unfaithfulness!
Sojourns - endurance

Please, don't mess up
Because whomever
in avoidance of pain
Only to find out
More pain
Is at stake.
That's out and about..
Thine game-play abound.
Beaming a smile all-heart.
As good as it get,
[God in my heart]
Whilst things can't wait,
It stands out like blueprint;
Difficulties and joys aren't
exclusive icons,
[ but mutually friends! ]
Meet you halfway,
[Eternally glorified,
by far, outweighs them all! ]
Oh, sweet mercy,
Ah, all joy,someday,
So common, lover boy...
Forthwith,  seen, thou transitory
But, what's unseen- ageless-provisory
So keep it real-for me baby!
facebook.com
AE Jan 2015
"I'm not trying to get my hopes up. he is going out of his way to be near me and ugh I know it's all I talk about but it's because it's all I think about ahah, I hate to say it because I hate to be vulnerable but he makes me so flustered and I can't think straight and it makes me mad because I know he probably doesn't even mean anything by it but he doesn't know how crazy he's making me and I don't know what to do. I like him so much but at the same time I hate him because he is driving me insane."
just a text I sent to a good friend of mine about a boy.
Amber Jan 2013
"But, I thought..."
"HAHAH fat ***, did you really think that anyone would like you. (With a crowd behind her)
"I... I just thought."
"Well you thought wrong *****! AHAH (The whole crowd laughs)"
"But what did I do?"
"You were talking **** about me, yeah he told me, go die you *****! (More laughs from the crowd)"
"No I don't talk about people... I didn't say anything"
"Oh "OK Sure" Yeah go say that you ***. No one likes you. Go **** you're self. HAHA (More)"
She walked out of the girls restroom along with the crowd. Me one the floor crying. I crawl to the nearest stall. I stay there for about 5 minutes. I soak up my tears to accept the fact that I have to go back. In my head I thought take her out, punch her, kick her, DO SOMETHING! I didn't, I wanted to. No cameras in the bathroom. No proof that anything happened that day. I wish I would have fought back. But I was afraid. Lies lead up to this. He told lies. He, she, they, them. Lies.
mint Jan 2018
if only the earth did not separate us
i hear the droplets falling to the ground, hitting my roof
tapping at the neighbors chimes

“I love you.” you would say.

i smile sadly

I love you too

you are not there to hear me and your words, not even that

the pitter patter of the rain continues tonight

i love you

ahah...

i breathe in the cool air

i love you
i feel unspeakably empty. unspeakably calm.
Bambi Oct 2013
"But, I thought..."

"HAHAH fat ***, did you really think that anyone would like you. (With a crowd behind her)

"I... I just thought."

"Well you thought wrong *****! AHAH (The whole crowd laughs)"

"But what did I do?"

"You were talking **** about me, yeah he told me, go die you *****! (More laughs from the crowd)"

"No I don't talk about people... I didn't say anything"

"Oh "OK Sure" Yeah go say that you ***. No one likes you. Go **** you're self. HAHA (More)"

She walked out of the girls restroom along with the crowd. Me one the floor crying. I crawl to the nearest stall. I stay there for about 5 minutes. I soak up my tears to accept the fact that I have to go back. In my head I thought take her out, punch her, kick her, DO SOMETHING! I didn't, I wanted to. No cameras in the bathroom. No proof that anything happened that day. I wish I would have fought back. But I was afraid. Lies lead up to this. He told lies. He, she, they, them. Lies.
Matt Aug 2019
her name is Sadie and uh shes a mini Australian Sheppard and nine weeks old on Monday AHAH

we changed the name to luna because my stepdad can't decide on a name
KathleenAMaloney Jun 2016
Oopps!
Whoops i.e. .. Ahhhhhh. Ashhhhhhh
Did follow the procedures boss.. Looks like she doesn't care much.. Hah ahah ..aha!!
Whoop pair
Oh well
Guess you can't care
If you really don't care!!
ANA CORREIA Sep 2018
Come on children gather around
There is a story to be told
From a time that was lost and never found
Quickly before, it gets too cold

Come sit by the fire
While our minds run wild and free
Keep them sharp even when your body is tired
And meet a new world with me

Once upon a beginning
And you must know there was more than one
The strings of time were spinning
Finishing erasing what was once done

And between the dust of the past
Stood a man on the side
From his race the very last
HE watched the worlds collide

From the growing dark pit
HE saw a shadow appear
The figure was a giant HE had to admit
But nothing like the ones HE learnt to fear

HE then named him Titan
Never thinking if what HE did was wrong
And when the nothing started to whiten
Poor HE felt briefly like HE didn’t belong

The Titan then began to walk
His feet cracking in the white floor
Suddenly Titan came to a stop
Mumbling something then no more:

“A thousand times a chance I gave
A thousand times they refused to learn
Millions I tried to save
But in the end they all burnt

Humans are selfish to their core
Yet my love liked them in a way
So she keep making a new door
While I saw my love fading each day

‘Be the brightest start in my life’
To Her I once said
‘Be my guiding light when I’m lost in the dark
Hold me, for I’m only yours to keep
And I promise you, you’ll forever be in my Heart’

But now as I watch you disappear again
And for a race that is nothing but ****
I can’t help but to be jealous of the man
That stole you from me just for fun

Forgive my sins oh sweet earth
For I’m a fool that as became blind
Maybe in the next world birth
Our love we can again find”

A soulless sob and yell followed the silence
And in a second the nothing started to break
A show full of fire and violence
That was the moment that HE thought no one could escape fate

So HE run and run till HE could no more
Shivering, screaming trying to avoid his fears
The last one could find no door
So the fool tried to hide behind the starts of Saturn’s tears


I hope you guys like it ? its hard to pick just one ahah
This is me trying to tell a story... hope you guys like it I guess
Star BG Sep 2017
I am star BG
and I move in the
energy of a "AHAH" moment.

I take a breath
feeling gentle breeze
that aligns me with gratitude.

I walk in steps of dance,
touching sacred earth.

I awaken to the sun that matches
the sun in my heart.

I am blessed and a blessing
as well as all others.

I am star BG
a voyager, Seedseed
and warrior of the written word.

Here to touch with my words
to remind all
Your sacred and a gift.

Touch someone with a
smile, hug, or a kind word
and help shift the world.
Mateuš Conrad Sep 2021
i couldn't learn Russ even if i wanted to...
not because i can't speak favourably of
the people: a most hospitable folk...
although: as a ****** in Moscow...
dating a Russian girl... things had to be on
a: hush-hush... i had to "pretend"
to be English...
which wasn't hard since... i have a generic
accent: if an accent at that...
only in Essex could it be know:
by an inquisitive 14 year old girl...
in the middle of the night having left a ******
party looking for a friend... instead
finding me first... walking out of the darkness
of a park to inquire: where, was, i.... from?
we sat near a roundabout...
i rolled her a cigarette...
a black cat came towards me...
picked it up, stroked it... blah blah...
all of a sudden i was a warlock while
the girl did runners... to and fro...
50 metres ahead... 50 metres back...
like she was trying to shake me off but couldn't:
since i promised her that we would
find her friend... which we did...
lying face-down at a bus stop...
i took off my hoodie attired the poor shivering
thing and... we walked to a designated
pick-up spot so one of the girl's father
could pick them up... which he did...
of course... we had to take a group selfie
before all of that...
- a strange hallucination:
i sometimes feel i have a spider crawling around
behind my right ear...
petty architect of... beside the cobweb...
for a 14 year old: i'm stabbing in the dark
she might have been older...
it's not like i didn't think about her
*******, which were: of course... pronounced
while i rolled the tobacco and asked:
my spit... or yours?
so i gave her the roll-up so she could
lick it herself...
          the things that happen in the night:
it's no wonder i find the formalities of
day so... pedestrian...
oh but you can get away with being English
in Russian... they love these people
over there...
not so much the Polacks...
       - again... to reiterate... i would never learn
that language: perhaps i'm just fonder
of the Greek writing script than i am of
the Cyrillic...
(no... that sensation of a spider behind my
right ear was not a hallucination...
a happy home is a home filled with spiders...
some... ancient proverb or... something...
caught the little ****** crawling on my arm...
dangled him on his string and placed
him on the windowsill)...
- i really have bigger things to worry about
than a discrepancy in Cyrillic that
i simply can't ignore: it has been burning
in my mind since yesterday...
- ******... oh sure i'll complain...
the cat thinks he can own the night and prowl
and prance all he likes:
that's the problem with cats...
they teach you the unattainable bewilderment of:
they have free will:
while you too, have, free will...
but it's only illusionary...
or worse... it's more than an illusion...
it's a bad... b'ah b'ahah joke...
a little h.m.v. (his master's voice) moment
in the calmness of the night:
quorus! quorus!
quo... where is russian?
i can't take credit for the name...
the breeders conjured it up...
i would be more inclined to: qua-rus...
i.e. as being: russian...
maine ****... ginger... it could have
worked... so i'm writing this to calm myself...
could this 10kg little Colossus take
on a fox? well... he is a house-pet...
not a wild animal...
its legs are more flexible... it too can bite...
but... little pockets of anxiety and
the debacle of... KBAC...
i.e. KVAS... a popular drink in Russia...
sort of: a better version of root-beer...
malty... & sweet... carbonated...
perfect for eating fast-food pancakes... with...
orange caviar...
- i sometimes walk through the garden
and a single cobweb thread covers my eyes...
i must be dreaming when awake:
sometimes... eh... most of the time
since i'm so dream-starved...
Freud couldn't make a shilling out of me:
what is there to interpret when
all you dream about it a great big...
black yawn of a void?!
i guess this brings me to the schematic:

                                   north
                                  północ
                  ­                    Ц

    east                                  ­                        west
  wschód                            ­                       zachód
      Ш                                                   ­          Щ

                                    south
                    ­             południe
                                       Ч

a "lesson" in etymology: shrapnel...
pół: half... noc: night... i.e. half is night...
i'm guessing: of the year...
but why isn't south: half is day?
po: after... -łu- is sharpnel...
dnie: days...  dzień: day...
   it's still one and the same however much
the word morphed... half-day for south
half-night for north...
  wschód (rise... an all-encompassing
reference to: sunrise) - east...
likewise with: west:
sunset: zachód...
                 etymologically?
eh... chłód: a coldness... an eerie coldness...
zombie-esque...

hell... i didn't sit down to write this...
i came for the Cyrillic letters that bother me...
i.e.
    why isn't Ц: Ч
     and vice versa - why ins't Ч: Ц?
when...
     Ц looks like... the better half of: Щ?

i mean: it seem logical, or phonetically authentic
that half of Щ
                                             Ц
would encapsulate half of the sound
most associated with my Slavic terms:
szczeka: (it) barks...
szczerość: honesty...
oh i can hide the "confusing" Z and bring out
the English H... one surd for another...
SHCH:
        sharp is szkic...
cheap as: czerń...
          i could go one step further and employ
Czech orthography: style...
the aesthetic of writing: encoding sounds...
and hide both the Z and the H
in a caron: a crown hovering above the letters C & S...
but then... it would appear congested
with a word like honesty:

       ščerość...                    no? too much baggage:
from on high...
but it's not like the English language
has any concerns for this...
even Charles Dickens dared to summon
the term: orthography to a sound encoding "system"
that didn't employ... summon...
any diacritical distinctions...
one ought to be intuitive about the excesses of:
tatters... one ought to remember THat: THought...

it doesn't matter: i'm asking the Russians...
if half of Щ (šč)
    is Ц... it looks that way!
then why doesn't Ц denote: č-chequers?!

hell... have your: Ш... i'll be... haha... "brave"
and say... it deserves to almost resemble a
crown hovering above a serpent... š...
how a Y (igrek) might behave if
asked to be treated for geometric purposes!
instead of crafting rivers!

i'm not "confused": i'm just *******!
Ц ought to denote entombed in Ч
and... vice versa... at worst!
Ц is one ******* half of Щ!

- and what is Ч: the western slavic C: it's not an aesthetic
substitute for either K or S (there's no... cedilla
attached, last time i checked...)
or for that matter... Q...
CKQ... no?
                           i clearly don't quiet, belong among
these people:
with their mundaneness practiced so well:
they dream! oh god they dream!
i'm the one dream-starved while they
dream-out their little-by-little: belittling fetishes
of power-gambling the toppling
of peaceful hierarchies...

i'm the antithesis of the celebrated Barbarians
of the American counter-revolution...
sure... i'm banging at the gates...
screaming: let me out! let me out!
i don't want to be in this custard mess
when it truly: properly... falls to ****!
i'll leave with my feet stinking from sweat...
even though i wouldn't have ran a mile!
let me out! let me out!
for man's ruin and for anything even remotely
god-as-man... give me air!
give me cognitive air! i can't breathe:
let alone think!

- i'm growing tired... more and more tired...
of plotting: nicety... along the vein
of thought of the English...
i'm just more and more salt grain
from teasing at the wound of:
perhaps i'm here as a pet project:
for "my" people...
to get the feelings associated when
the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth
was carved upon...
or a lesson in how the Roman Empire
imploded... so too..
how Britain buckled...
how Britain buckled...
fell on its drunken-face wishing it was:
"somehow"... Victorian: sensible...
sober... augur-prone...
well... it's too late for all of "that"...

it's happening: and i don't have a stop button:
quick & easy to solve the problem...
i like to drink gin
as a solo project: on the ice...
the fascist in me: is always
the fascist in everyone, anyone...
i'm digging trenches with my writing:
conjure up a better imagery:
i bet you won't...
but am i... "somehow"... this...
easy... "walkover"... prized asset of cuck?
sure... the women are rampant...
i don't mind... i'd rather ****
a ***** than a nun any other day
than... today...

we're having a debate about how
russians have encoded: poorly...
well... confusingly...
it just doesn't make sense... what i already stated...
i'm no longer looking towards America...
it's a dead... a dead & wasted land...
it's a predictable land...
it's a horrid little: my why we never might:
reach it...
culture-wise...
   some... "oops": didn't jazz die so soon?
i thought so too...
i'm looking for the peacock feathers atop
the armour of the Teutonic Knights...
the failures of the 3rd Crusade...
broken pride... escapade to an "elsewhere",
no?

sorrow, me... how i'm tattooed with
history... i can only imagine the fate of the
modern... western... secular... man...
freed from both history and religion...
i almost admire him...
i admire him: in that i speak his tongue...
i admire him...
but then i see his bewilderment...
and i think to myself...
"my" people: being so reclusive probably
have it right...
we have no colonial heritage to...
we didn't have the expediency of the sea
before us...
why do i... or my brethren get to luggage...
these jumbo-afro queries?!
i once had a key-chain that read:
the only way to tell someone to *******:
is to... tell them to *******:
in such a way... as they might be...
awaiting the: ******* transit...
so they might await the trip...
women sold us... women sold us into
this *******...
i kid you not...
            
i will not sell my heritage upon
a post-colonial bend-over past...
i'll sooner side with the Russians as i insult them!
i'll grind my teeth on stone
and spit out a *******: well-rounded pebble
than side with these... fakeries of freedom!
give me freedom! give me the supposed
bread! the songs! the... what's it called?
diabetes?!
          fat *****...

i'm one with the Kabul patrol...
i'm mad enough to try not being gesticulated at:
as being fake...
like i might cry that this canvas is not made
available to me...
ergo... you're going to turn off my water-supply...
my electricity-supply?
you're going to cancel my...
like i want to care about a dying culture
where only the bogusly: blatant rich
are... left?!

such weakness in a dying kind....
i cannot not... drawn parallels within the confines
of the Polish-Lithuanian commonwealth...
i can't!
   jeg kan ikke!

if "their" history breathes through them!
    så gør mínë...
all is "European":
              ******* cotton-muffin... afro
riddled... tarts... ****-boy-ohs...
ha!

who's not... Caesar?!
            bread wins the: paint?!
what's more cooking
than what's more... *******...
drying?!
oh sure... my shoelaces definitely stink
of bacon... but...
n'ah... n'ah... you're on your
own with that pseudo-king-Solomon..
sort of crap...
me... kind Davie...
surah riddled... psalm bashing...
sort of "crap"... i need a woman like...
i a need an anecdote...
oh god...
          so 'ere one comes....
no... it's not funny...
how.. unexpected... the opposite ***
tends to... behave... without having....
white boy... insurance policies...
oh... wow!
           *******... *******.
now the bread winner: brown- boyo...
better be... the... bread--- basher!... ah... ha...
ha... his alias: also: no.

— The End —