My home is far away from here, scattered
across a coast of cliffs and geometric
birds, singing their vectors and equations.
My home is miles away from here, sands of
marble and caves of ice, filled with memories
of falling and echoes of laughter. My
home is decades away from here, a vague
childhood conjoined to a vague life of remembrance.
Lost too young and found too old, but at least
I have my new home to keep me going.
Your shaped song and vague echoes of joy will
keep me upright in this place I exist in
until I will one day be home again.

It is hard
to describe
how the rush of
          the drench
of a furious
     storm makes
my downpour
             clench
wet desert wind
that sparks me
                   alive
sending currents
from the whorls of
                my scalp
down through the
rings of my spine
It trips over
                  dermis
like kimono silk
thick as the cream
of lapped-up
              milk
alighting my
senses in
rose quartz tints
igniting cells
to my surface
with earthed-up flint
The strike of rocks
echoes ancient
           sounds
reverberating heat
throughout my scared
                        mound
And I let the rain
pour directly in
to my soul's
humble vessel,
cleansing me,
     rinsed
from relentless
        spirit-wrestle
free of stains
from self-doubt,
         self-hate
to align my vision
with choice-infused fate
and I am the storm
that swirls through
the trees
I am the dream
whipped up thick
in the breeze
ready for surrender
as I pull the reigns
ready for the tender
conflagration
         of the
sacred
      blaze

It's hard to know
where to go
from here
empty pages
            in my book
unwritten before me
and the vastness of ocean
washes over this desert
blurring the lines
between the
wounds inside
and perceptions
               of reality
I am stuck
in this foreign place,
a fine-chiseled limbo
etched upon
           my face
My past strong
behind me
pushing my limits
to the hilt
fingers brushing
new firmaments
                of grace
spilling silver
              from silt

I am ready
to see the future
burst forth and unfold
ready for my
raw elements
to be spun wildly into gold
these invisible wings
after years of
being wound in
            tight, rigid curl
are stretching out slowly
being coaxed to unfurl
And here I stand
my feet sturdy as roots
as the sands of time
bud tender shoots
my eyes locked to the stars
fixed in sanguine dream
no need to staunch
the flow
           of liquid
that freely streams
It pours out
from my eyes,
this river of salt
because growing pains
        sting --
it's nobody's fault
Yet it's
tearing me up
into coarse,
ragged strips
descending
upon me
with scratches and rips
and for every burn
branded into my flesh
new insights
are woven
from putrid
               to fresh
For every laceration
I bear upon this heart
there is a gleam in the garden
as seeds germinate
               their start

And as my soul opens out
      expands in deep
           vital glow
            I am as
             a child
who still needs to grow
Her moonlit eyes
set on
          unknown realms
her pillars fallen,
senses overwhelmed
vulnerably jaded,
yet unafraid
because stars  
sometimes
burst into
novas
creating
new
      light
             from
         shade

Sometimes all good become all sorrow.
Sometimes the hope is made to feel like no tomorrow;
Yet those who stand on broken vows
*Seem to become their better selves.

Lord my petals.
Lord my petals.

Why you had to take them from me.
Devil wasn't ready,
But mommy was.

Lord why you had to **** me.
That burning sensation when I laid that night,

You destroyed my petals,
Lord that was in me..

But if I lied,
Said it was fine,
We'll be alright,

I'll eventually get over it,
Wouldn't I?
How could I..

My body hurts lord.
Why you had to do this.
I wasn't ready,
You made that decision for me..

And that's why,
I could never say I'm sorry.
My rose petals.

your hands feel like fireplaces in mine,
and the bed is an ocean for us to float upon,
coiled around each other like colourful bits of ribbon,
lips connected with a single effortless touch
and skin shaking under wandering fingers.
i open myself up to you like a galaxy,
and even though the room is a dim spotlight,
i see you make up all the shine of the stars.
and though sleep lies heavy amongst the world,
and night has now rolled under,
you are my sky of suns, my favourite memory,
wrapped up in the sweet essence of us.
i would rather time stutter on its breath,
so i could relive this moment in your arms
til my dying day.

1.     My house is the same size as his mother's bedroom.
2. He was the first to notice the colour of my eyes.
3. He kept his left hand on my thigh and steered with his right.
4. He drew a long breath and breathed out a smoke on my face
5. He said men should not hurt their wives.
6. He drove sober while I leaned back with a bottle of cider in my hand.
7. He asked why I was so sad.
8. He told me he and his mother never talked.
9. I liked the feel of his hand on my hair.
10. He stopped kissing and wanted to talk about it
11. I've tried so hard to keep my wrists clean.
12. He claimed he was not looking for ***.
13. He only wanted me for my body.
14. I was not ashamed of my nakedness.
15. He stopped when I said no.
16. I fumbled; I was only a ******.
17. He sobered up in the cold shower while I lay in his bed, waiting.
18. I thought I heard my mother's voice from the back of my head, asking me my whereabouts.
19. I was somebody's daughter.
20. He was somebody's son.
21. There was a drawing by his kid sister, with a caption: the best brother in the world.
22. I felt too ugly to be lying there.
23. For all my life. I've wanted a brother. Someone who would protect me. Someone who would fight for my mother, who would gently cup my ears in the midst of my father's violence.
24. He came back and kissed me again.
25. I touched him because I was lonely.
26. I did not stop him from making marks on my neck.
27. I wanted to give myself up. I did not care. I had no reason to keep my virginity. But I was somebody’s daughter, and I...I loved myself too much.
28. He faltered at the mention of her name. He loved her. It was all too familiar.
29. He wanted to know how long I was staying.
30. My flight was only in eight hours.
31. I felt angry at his dominance over every events of my life.
32. I did not know how to forgive him. He, who was supposed to be my lighthouse, my shade. He made it so hard for me to trust, too vulnerable, always playing on the safe side. He hurt me too much.
33. He fell asleep with his back turned against me. I wanted to reach out to be held. But I did not know how to please him.
34. I was supposed to feel safe under my father’s shadow.

Are there ruins in your head?
Where I see treasures
Is there pain in your eyes?
Where I see hue lit sunsets
Is there darkness in your heart?
Where I see fear
Is there a secret in your laughter?
Where I hear tomorrows
Is there deceit in your words?
Where I see promises
Is there armoury in your arms,
Where I find comfort
Is there anything real?
Where I have built air castles
Is there hope?
In those ruins, that pain, darkness, laughter, words, arms,
all that I am hopelessly in love with