i wish i was special
but all i really am
is a disaster
bruising along the coast
of your incomplete love

you pulled the trigger
almost left me bleeding to death
but halfway through
you turned
and took out the bullets from my heart
i looked you in the eyes
and saw you tearing up
but it wasn't you
just the absence of your buried soul

usually, i see you in my hallucinations
when i'm too high to think about reality
but now, i see you all the time

during sunday afternoons sitting next to me on the floor reading the old love letters you wrote me

standing next to the fridge watching me how i make myself a cup of coffee to taste something else besides the taste of your lips

at night, you're even laying next to me and you're smiling at me like you used to

&' even tho my bed sheets were washed endless times after you've laid with me on them, they still carry your fragrance

and every time you appear anywhere by me
i start talking to you
i tell you how much i've missed you
i try to admire you as long as i can
'cause i'm afraid that at some point
i stop imagining you
forget about your face
that some day you become a blurry memory
inside my head
and that even the drugs cannot bring you back

stay

i really wanted to stop your bleeding
but i realized my fingers were knifes
and my love for you a ******* gunshot
right next to your heart
so that the shot didn't **** you
but your dripping blood did

the only emotion i distinctively was able to identify when i saw you blissfully walking across the hallway with your new inamorata hand in hand was tearful rage
the fire inside of me was so dreadful but anyhow i did not die of it, but of the smoke the fire created
even the cigarette i smoked minutes later felt my temper when i crushed the filter furiously every time i inhaled the smoke

your touch reminds of warm silk stroking my body
in the middle of december whilst freezing our toes off
we kissed in an old building and warmed each others souls softly
i remember the ticklish feeling rushing in my veins to touch your naked skin carefully & pull you close to me, so that my longing body just barely touches yours
& i remember how drawn i was to you
when the taste of yours adheres on my lips
so that every time i bite mine i remember yours
i also remember the forced gaps in between the endless kisses we had, just so we don't suffocate of too less oxygen
it was like we totally forgot about breathing
at this right moment i even forgot my name
but i didn't care anymore
in this right spectrum of time it was just you and me and our little infinity

the enchantment of your fingers reaches my heart digging in between my clothes slowly touching my warm skin irresistibly makes me wanna escape from my body and become one with yours