the most frustrating thing is going to a therapist
you may wonder why
well you try have someone name your pain wrong
I just need pills
because that will fix the chemicals
but it will not fix that worthless piece of flesh you are

but what do I know its their job right

tomorrow's thanksgiving,
i've been trying to avoid
thinking about this day
for weeks.

i've lodged the thought of
it out of my head,
i've buried it away
but i can no longer
avoid it.

i don't want to
stare at an empty
place at the table.

four plates,
four forks,
four spoons,
four knives,
four glasses,
instead of five.

having to fill the silence
with questions about
school and post-grad life,
to steer the topic away
from how empty and sad
we feel without you.

at some points,
seven months
feels the same
as one.

time physically passes by,
and the next thing i know,
it's been seven months
rather than three.

it feels subjective to me,
i've been waiting for time
to mend me and my
hurting heart
but the day hasn't
come.

living with the loss
of you will always
sting,
even if it's just a bit.

i will stare at
the empty place
tomorrow and wonder
why you had to be taken
from me.

i give thanks for the 21
years i had with you
but they'll never feel like
enough.

do they celebrate
thanksgiving in heaven?

That feeling when you aren't really sad
but you just feel really empty.
when they ask "how are you doing"
but really mean are you over it
when you have heard the line
''just doing it for attention''
When you just don't feel good enough
no matter how hard you try
me too .

''Are you ready for the future''
are you ready for things to change
for loss and gain
Because I am not,
but even being ready for the future doesn't make it not come

I started out as Glass
Not a bottle
or a window
Just glass
shattered everywhere
But that is just what I am
Broken.