I reach my hands to touch you
in the worst parts
that you want
but i dont
but you do
but we dont
but we do-
the silence creeping in
just enough to rip my hands
onto you
and onto where you want them to,
heavy hands
heavy breaths
in and out,
tongue twisted between lips
and bad lies,
heart brokenness underneath blankets
and blankets of desire
piled on top of hormonic lusts-

I say that i'm sorry

i'm sorry that i don't love you enough to mean
i'm sorry
and to take away the heaviness
weighing down upon my lips
as they quiver and shake
because i regret getting in the car in the first place.

buried on a monday next to old man Jenkins
a hot summers day
stillness
course grass
the rough hands of strangers
the sound of wood hitting dirt

         the shuffle of tired feet

the soft patters of rain
the distant voice of the city


the unforgettable silence

The lights on inside the house-
The sound of laughter
Chatter
Stories;
Smells of joy
Firewood
Pine
Memories-

the eyes watching the doorway
            -SHUT-
   in awe of a life wished upon

one summer day

This world is like a cigarette-
The peak of it's existence
Burning bright to moon dead eyes,
Crumbling in after a swift breath.

Lets cover it up with cliches,
Dodge the answers before they stay
And melt the lonely ice away
To reach our empty heart, embraced.
The touch of the skin
Is something we never got to experience with.
The smile of love
Was something that we never could think of
Because the world span too fast
Because the world span too fast
Before we could make this last
One more second, one more laugh!
One more little lie to me,
Please, the truth will only make this lonely heart bleed.



Bottle this up in cliche moments,
I knew the winter could never show its
Snow to others in fear of giving
Up too much to the sun who's begging
Her to give her one more smile
And dance in his arms while she dials
The spring's phone number for him to come
Over and pull her closer to the numb
And dead feeling of
Being in love
Being in love!

Oh winter!
You never!
Knew the answer!
You lips!
Put a damper!
On the transfer!
Oh your kisses would've been so sweet!
If you let the ice melt outside of your cheeks!

Flower, flower, I worshiped you
Before you were eaten up by caterpillars.
I remember smelling your perfume
As the wind carried it through the blades of grass
-I'd've  done anything to see you last-
May your memories rest in peace
-If only I'd've let you rest with me!-

-Take me back to my dreams!
To the days when I was young and naive!
To the days when I wasn't so deceived!
So intrigued!
So incomplete!
So intricately marked for defeat
By my hands and  my one disease.
You were supposed to stay close to me-
You were supposed to stay close to me-
You were supposed to stay close to me-
And I let you slip away!
I let you slip right through my heart's dying beats-

I once asked my grand father if he was afraid of death.
He replied with a simple, "I've never feard death. They didn't teach you to die in the military".

The last time I visited his hospital bed, he was barely breathing.
He pulled me close.
I asked if he could see a bright light.

He replied, "no...I've never...been more scared...in my life"

My dear friends,
The shadows still creep at your doorstep
And the past still comes back to haunt you.
When our memories hit our senses
We find it hard to stand at the remembrance of our pain!
Of the drive to our blood-flow
Dripping from our mouths and our fingertips!
It will never be easy
It will never be easy!
It will never be easier to look back at our past
And throw our heads back in the wind as we smile and laugh!
It will never be easy!
It will never not be hard to look at the scars on our hearts
And say that it was okay, or that it was easy to get this far...
Oh but I can!
I can look back on all the mistakes I made
And see the never ending love of grace
That covers me when I start to shake!
And drives me to never give up on faith.
And that love is for me and you.
There is someone who created this world, who is madly in love with you too!
And we can try and bottle him in a cliche statement and in Sunday mornings!
But when your blood flows back into your wounds and the skin is no longer broken
You can tell that there is more to this God we hate, than the lies of those who claim they're chosen.
-Don't believe the lies my friends.
Don't believe the lies!
There are many who say they know his name, but not many who've seen his eyes!
The shadow is hard to see and gets darker every night!
But the sun will shine on us each day, and I promise that we'll see the light-