My birthday comes in a little over 2 weeks and I think when people talk about birthdays, they are secretly talking about status in blocked hours.

Somewhere in that 24 hour block, a person was born, and that person was me. .....well Yay I guess.

I don't like my birthday. And the reasons for that, are more complicated than you think.

When I was 13, I was really into cupcake birthday cakes. I asked for one, every year, for a long time.

When I turned 15 and 16, my best friend baked me cupcakes and brought them to school for me, and I shared them with my peers. You see, I considered her my best friend, and I guess that's not enough to be the best friend.

It's like unrequited love if you put poisonous platonic friendship in my blood first.

When I turned 17, she did baked me my last set of cupcakes, but I no longer had a best friend. So I spent my birthday mentally by myself while my family sang otherwise.

And right now, I hate cupcakes, and superhero films because they remind me of her. But saying that is the weakest thing to do, since everything, reminds me of her.

I will never admit I loved her, the same way she will shamelessly say she never loved me. I can't hate her, but I can't see her without hating myself.

You know age, goes up, the same way sadness, goes down. Pulling you into another 24 hour block just so you can say.

"Hey. I made it another day."

I will admit that every day without her is another day without cupcakes, and another day without sugar is another day without happiness. And people may have asked me "How can you flip-flop between preferences like you're not the biggest homosexual in the closet." So when I tell people I'm straight, they tell me I'm not allowed to change my mind.

I loved her, but she left me and took all of my friends with her. And I thought that real friends wouldn't abandon me, but there is always time to be wrong. By the time my birthday comes, I'll be crying, and she doesn't even remember what day my birthday is on.

By the time I read this out loud, I will have been through this birthday, like a person walks through fire. Turning 16 is less about age, then it is about school, and turning 18, is less about the number, and more about becoming an adult. And no amount of adult can neutralize pain.

I have accepted the fact that no man will ever really want to marry me. And no Christian, will ever truly want to love me.
And if I am wrong, I will have to repeat this lost love forever dragging it out in my life.

And if I have kids one day, do you really think...

That I'm going to tell everyone if it's a boy or a girl...

By making blue or pink...

...cupcakes?

my life is a puzzle
and the missing piece is


i want to run
as far as my legs will take me
away from people
away from places
I'll keep spinning circles
into infinity
i'll spread my wings and fly
as i draw cloud with the wind
to a world far away
to a place so peaceful
to a paradise so cherry
that it becomes unreal


a state of mine
a perfect philosophy
to which i'll never arrive.

You took pills
To take your thoughts away
Red, violet, and blue
Were your favorite colors
You say
Red, violet, and blue
Are what took
Your life away

No pressure
But can you clean the car?
No pressure
But you need 100 or you won't go far.
No pressure
But your next needs to beat the rest.
No pressure
But you need to be a step above the best.
No pressure
But you need to find the liar.
No pressure
But you're getting fired
No pressure
But you need to lead your peers.
No pressure
But you need to beat your fears.
No pressure
But we're gonna add another problem to the pile.
No pressure
But if you fail, we'll move on all the while.

O' God I will not utter a word
I will not weep or cry
I will not complain
I will not shout at you

I will not convey my sufferings
I will not narrate my feelings
I will not pray even, or ask for mercy
I prefer to keep my mouth shut

I chose to keep silence
As my heart whispers to me
Silence speaks –
'Much louder than words'

A heart carved into the bark of a tree,
A bark from my dog by the side of my knee,
The light had faded,
So too had the hope
Of the boy in the boughs
At the end of his rope.