it's been two years
730 days
since you looked at me crying
on the verge of imploding
and threw your hands up in the air

you threw me up in the air
nobody left to catch me

so gravity took the reigns and i hit the ground
harder than i ever had before

but just like i've always done
i've continued to pick myself up
and i realized

i never needed you to save me from falling
because gravity is natural
and all i needed to get up
was myself

a year ago today, you left me
you sat there, at my darkest hour and decided
that i wasn't what you wanted anymore

i was naïve to believe in a forever for us
and even more so for thinking you'd save me from myself.

since then,
while i still feel a vacant spot in my heart
and in my soul,
i'm okay

even though i know you'll never call me again
i've grown to a point where if you came back to me,
i'd be just fine, without you.

i spend my lonely nights
on my knees, head craned to the sky

begging God why
i have to pay for everyone else's sins,

or maybe its me paying for all the things i never did

if history repeats itself
i pray we aren't just another doomed love story

torn somewhere between
i never wanna see you again
and
i need to see you again

i haven't seen you in 7 months yet you're always on my mind
you became the worst of my inner demons

today marked another year of my being
and i reflected on who i am
what do i wanna take with me?
hate, jealousy, burden and sadness?
or do i simply let it go