i remember
the three times
i met death

she was
a blackhole
hiding behind
the face of
perfection

she seemed
so gentle
yet she caused
the stars
within me
to fall and
crash into
oblivion

yet i couldn't
help but
fall in love
with her

the first time
we met
i didn't have
a clue
who she was

a pretty face,
a girl
made of
stardust

she was
beautiful

and the suns
inside my                        
heart burned
my insides
                      
she caused it                            
and
i didn't mind

the second time
i met death
was when she
held my hand

my bones shook
and my chest
was filled with
a dying
supernova,
burning up
and taking
everything

my universe
had it's
first collapse    
                                                      
and i
didn't mind

the last time
i met death    
i knew i
truly
loved her

she took
my hand
and erased
the stars
from my
galaxy and
replaced them
with her
darkness

and my universe
was void
of any light,
of any life,
of anything

but herself

and i
didn't mind

darling, we will
never know
when the
oceans are
gone or when
the stars
are eaten by
the sky    

we might
live to see
another day
or we
might not,
and that is
that                

the path
ahead is
dark and
unknown
but how
will we
ever know

what this
trail holds
if we never
take our step?

my dear,
live your today
like your
tomorrow is
inexistent

do not live
for your
mother's eyes
or by your
father's words

live the way
you dream of      

live as if
you are
an explorer                          
in a new world

take risks
like the sun
will never rise

but hope
as if you
live forever
and have
unmeasurable
chances

this path
is dark      
but never
narrow

dream,
live,
breathe freely
my love

never be
burdened by
tomorrow

never be
blinded
by now

the world
the heaven
the seas
are yours

you are free

make your
days priceless

i am not  
your girl      

i am just
the instrument
of your
insatiable lust,
your reliable
second choice

i am the
missed call      
on your phone,
the unopened
love letters
stashed under
your mattress

i am the
neglected cup
of coffee,
the Advil                        
after a hangover

i am
the person
in between
your shivering
legs and
the one
whose thighs
are covered
with bruises
and your
lipstick stains

the only person
who tolerates
your alcoholism
and the
only one
you kiss        
when you
taste like
cheap bar
whiskey

i am
the hand
rubbing
shoulders
while you
puke your
entire night
out and spill
incoherent
words

i am all
of those
things but
i am not
your girl

i am
just your
drunken night,
the blurs
of your
hangover

i am the
memories
you long
so much
to delete

because i
am also
the regret
seeping through
your skull
preventing you
from sleeping
at night

i am not
your girl

but i crave
to be yours

they asked me
what it was
in you
that i fell
in love with

what made you
the earth
my moon
revolved around

and my mind
started rushing

how do i
capture your
beauty in
a sentence

how do i
explain the
way you
tilt your head
when you laugh
or the way
you kiss when                    
you're sleepy
to people
who are too
mundane
to understand
                            
how do i
begin to
define you

i could say
that you
are the
sunshine
seeping through
my shut curtains
after a night
of a hurricane

i could say
that you
are the
feeling of
the airplane
rising from
the ground
and that you
are the beauty of
watching the clouds
dance with you
as you flew        

being with you
is that
blissful moment
when you
jump off
a swing for
the first time,
oblivious to        
the fact that
you are falling      

you are the
fragment
between awake
and asleep,
that moment
of dreams
beginning

your name
is my
heartbeat
but it is
also the
onomatopoeia
of a heart
breaking beyond
repair

you are
the stars
and you
are the storm
and you are
the calm
sea with                          
all its secrets

you are the
moment of
hesitation,
looking both
ways before
i cross
the street

you are the
buckled
seatbelt

the reason
why i fear
death and
oblivion

you are the
speechlesness    
of a poet,
the girl worth
a thousand words
but is incredibly
undescribable

and i guess
that is why
i can't
define you

because
definitions
are often
a conclusion,
only for
things that
are constant
and unchanging

and you
aren't that

you are
the moon's
unending
phases

the sea's
wild waves
and boundless
horizon

the ever
changing
girl who
remains
perfect

and all the
words in this
world are
never ever
enough to

define

you

remember when
you would write
all your poems
about me

how you 
carelessly
would leave
your breathless
i love yous
in between
each line
like a secret
between the
two of us

hidden behind
your words
were our
held hands 
and our
stollen kisses

and your 
written art
was our love
translated
into the 
language of
the stars 

you created
a tiny universe
with every
line and curve
of every letter
and it was
paradise 

yet those 
days are 
far gone

and our
universe,
our heaven
was swallowed
whole by the 
boundless waves
of oblivion

you erased
the romance
and replaced
them with
stains of 
infinite farewells

now you
hold a pen
like its a
loaded gun
prepared to
shoot

and you
stare at 
the paper
like a
selfish god
depriving
a blank galaxy
the beauty
of constellations

and i just miss
your poetry

i feel
like i have
been evicted
from my own
home because
i lived
in your words

i found shelter
in the pages
you have filled
with your messy 
penmanship

so with 
shaky hands
and a heavy heart,
i try to recreate
the phrases
you have
written with
your heartbeat

but nothing
compares
to the image 
of our love
immortalized
in your poems

the bird wings 
making loud
sounds that
drowned out
my heart's 
beatings

yellow sunlight
crashing against
a curtain of
mahogany leaves

lift up my 
staring heart
drop a gaze
at my 
melancholy face

a golden afternoon
the ones
you used to
admire a lot

an estuary of
tears and smiles
fills my soul

i used to
live for
days like these
but the
very thing
that used to
bring me
warmth
now brings me
chills

and she had
eyes like ghosts
invisible and
haunting with 
their past lives
and last loves

pale white
wrists with
bones and
veins protruding 
like the
lined drips of
a cemetery candle

her heartbeat
was an 
eerie melody 
filling my 
nightmares

yet I feared 
the day that
this symphony
would stop

that your 
skeleton whispers
would no longer
graze my
shivering cold
heart

and that 
the frightening
things you do
would halt
and be replaced
by an even
eerier silence

right now
I fear you
but when I
think of
losing you
and never
seeing you
again
I wonder

what am I
so scared of?