Hold me close
Please I beg you
I can't stand it anymore
I'm standing by the edge
I feel the pain deep within my core

The past is brewing over
And I'm way in over my head
It hurts it hurts I beg you
Please stop it before it spreads

**** it before it takes away my smile
Destroy it before I lose it all again
Just hold me tightly please
Though I know its all in vain

I'm crying and screaming
Please forgive me
For feeding you lies instead of the truth
Its cruel and selfish to push this upon you
But if I'm lying about my own pain and sadness
Thats something I'm always willing to do

You don't need to worry its okay
I don't want to burden you with my problems
My trauma, my scars and my bruises
No matter what it is Ill always come up with excuses

I'll do anything to hide you from the truth
You don't need to see this ugly side of me
Though ive seen each and every one of yours
I'm still unwilling to let you see

Bolting it shut with iron doors
Locking it tightly down
I'm pulling up my facade now
My mask is telling you I'm perfectly
Fine

But internally I am screaming
I was want you to hold me close
I'm losing myself within my own mind
Everything only the outside is far from the truth

So please, oh please
I'm begging you
See through all my lies
See that truly down beneath
That I'm honestly dying inside

Hold me Close
I beg you*

I am finally here,
I am finally home,
I am finally where i longed to be.

I am safe, secure, loved,
Yet unsafe, tangled up, misunderstood,
Stuck between a nightmare and a lost dream.

It was an experiment I did
but not until I woke to it.
Smile, smile, all the time,
walk? more like a divine stride.
Smile, smile, all the time,
walk? more like flight.
Then I felt a funny thing
but not until I woke to it.

You can smile for the world
all you want, but if they,
don't like your face,
the Hallmark, "Share the love,"
doesn't mean much,
does it?

Oh, yes! I can see
the Happy Days ahead.

Tell me, tell me, all the time,
walk? catch optimism's ride.
Tell me, tell me, all the time,
the ride is more like flight.
Freedom through
and through.

What if this one sided freedom
for me clasps my wrists like chains?

Smile, converse, be true and kind,
you'll receive the love you give.

Right. Right.

Must be nice to be acceptable and
appeal.

Right. Right.

Right?

I'm dreaming again
A love that doesn't exist for me
I love myself
Obviously still not completely
but I try
Sometimes the thought of heaven
makes me die

I am trying to figure out why I seem to notice you more in the wilderness. There is something about the trees and the air that fill me with a passion for you that I only sometimes discover at home. I hike behind you and I can’t help but notice that the color of your hair seems to complement the green of the forest so nicely. Your face in the firelight and the scratchy tone of your voice make my heart leap more than usual. Maybe it is because I am seeing you naturally, seeing you when you aren’t put together and a little bit of a mess. Seeing you raw and untouched. The you that not everyone gets a chance to see. I care for you at home but something about the woods makes me want to scream it out loud and hear it echo through the leaves,

I love you, I love you, I love you.

Maybe if I’m lucky the wilderness will whisper it back and I can pretend it came from you.