"you'll understand
when you're older."

I was told that
over and over.

when I asked about
anything bad or scary
or even something that
they simply didn't
want to explain to me,

that was the response.



what's global warming?

is grandma dying?

will my parents ever
get back together?

what is suicide?
why would someone
ever want to do that?

why do I have to
look away from
this scene on TV?

can boys kiss boys?
can girls kiss girls?

what is ***?

drugs are bad, so
why does my mom
use them every night?

where is my big brother?
when is he coming home?

"you'll understand
when you're older."



I'm older now

and still, there
is so much that
I can't understand.



a black man gets
shot in front of his
children and family.

the person behind
the trigger is human.

how could a human
take the life of another
human with no regrets?



my brother was killed
on impact when his
car flew off the road.

my other brother
smiled through his tears
and thanked god that
he didn't have to suffer.
he thanked god for our
brother dying instantly.

what kind of god
takes the life of someone
so young and so bright?
why should we pray
to a god like that?



the last time I saw her,
my mother was just
a walking corpse.

she had bruises and welts
and emotionless, dull eyes
and a rib cage viewable
from outside of her body.

why did my mother
turn herself into this?
when will she die?
is it wrong for me
to hope that comes soon?



they told me,

"you'll understand
when you're older."

but all I understand
is that there are things
that were kept hidden
from my young ears.

I still don't understand
why these things happen
or who to blame for them
or if people are good or bad.



"you'll understand
when you're older."

I'm older now.
I don't understand.

A candle breaks our dark

a spark to chase the shadows to their several corners

who can say where it lies

somewhere inside

every life has a glow

of what, we don't quite know

but it shines all the same

a tiny flame

radiant as the moon

or the stars that hang forever floating in celestial night

that little flickering light

(a firefly)

Put that imagination away before you hurt someone.

I don’t tell you
Because I’m scared
I don’t tell you
Because it’s something
That needs to be shared, right
This minute
I’m not hiding and
I’m not lying
If I don’t tell you
This part of me.

But
I will tell you
Because I want to
And because it’s
Always there.
Like how I
Would tell you
You’re my best friend
Or how I would tell my
Family I love them.

It’s there
And it’s clear
Perhaps not to you
But to me
And I’m saying it
So you and I can see
Just that bit
More clearly.