All through out my childhood
My dad was there, he was great.
When I look back now, It’s conspicuous
He was there, just not there for me.

He was there, just not there for me.
I grew up to seek someone like him
to be there for me.
To be there for me, to feel valued & worthy.

Fact is trauma repeats itself, I felt unvalued & unworthy all over again.  
Little did I know, someone like him will again be, just like him.

I notice im making little changes
Little..little,such a big deal to me..  
After being resistant for so long,for reasons that have now become known to me.
My own belief, no matter how many times I positively handled , the deep dark belief kept taking over me..pretty much telling me to *******-
its too much, its too late , it’s not worth it , I’m not worth it.
So Im fully feeling the little changes as a big deal..feeling good to me..feeling good to be feeling good to be me..aah..it’s liberating and enlightening..  stay forever,
You wonderful feeling!

Listening to each other and
understanding each other is a
priceless gift to give each other.

With individuality & togetherness
With independence & belongingness
I crave connections deep and free

How we see
changes
what we see..

I think about you.
You smiled at me
when I couldn’t smile at myself.
You saw the light in me
when I saw no light in myself.
Darling, I deeply wish I didn’t look away..   You are the one I let get away.
I don’t know what we could have been,
I’ll often think, if even just for a moment, we should have been, something together.

I was afraid..I continued to be afraid..
I tried to bury it..I tried to fight it..now,
I’m learning to let it be. Regardless,
the fear is too deep..it’s so familiar..
I believe I’m right, because it compels..
compels me, to escape freedom itself.