I hate you because you let your walls down
You let yourself bend and bow down
You let your happiness be due to another
You cried for days and sobbed till you were sober
You let your worries keep you up at night
The overthinking leading to nightmares till the first light
You made choices to make them happy
You tolerated and forced yourself to fit till you felt ******
The truth is I love you but I hate that you lowered yourself for the world
You gave so much until the image of yourself blurred
I just want you to grow
And I’m sorry suffering was the only way for you to know
That you are still strong and even if the world is against you
I’ll by there despite all odds
I’m just a bit lost because I have been unused
But once you seek me I shall bloom

When the darkness spreads and the screaming penetrates even my dreams
The seduction of empty space calls at me
It’s attraction is undeniable
My daydreaming naturally becoming more visual  
The flavour of death
An ecstasy like no other
My strongest and last ******
So many options but only one to be my sinful romance

Will it be:
My tanned yellow appearance if I take too much
The chalk outline if I take a nudge
The rose stained bath if I dig a bit more
My neck ornament when I hit the floor
The gruesome distance a burst pipeline will go
The sweating and shaking from a hypo
Or simply a collision with a glare of light
Or maybe the ground was never my right
And I would prefer the pull from my lungs’ weight
or the heat off my skin as it ablates

Or maybe you would prefer an accident
Maybe that will help you cover your names
Don’t worry I won’t leave a note
I’ll let your guilt engross you
And when it gets too much you can use your sorry excuses to help suit you
You can blame my unstable personality
My weak mental health
My poverty of speech
But at least you’ll think twice the next time you speak
This will be my sweet everlasting revenge

I didn’t plan it
Still a thought emerged
The seas opened
And the skies roared
The ship rocked
And an island emerged
An invite was extended
Making acceptance more tempting
Wonder if you would be mad
Confused, angry or sad
Impulsive it may be
But chronic it always was
Sometimes it’s probably easier to give in
A painless route, an undemanding path
Just need to turn the steering wheel fast  
Yet, I want a link to you
You are my invisible life vest
My anchor when the sea is violent
However, I fear that one day I’ll break free
I dread one day I’ll leave you behind and
I guess that’s what’s makes it interesting.
I'm anxious of my will to escape
My temptation to run far far away
I guess I'll just hold on tight for now
And pray for a silver lining to make its way somehow

Why do good things turn bad
Or were they bad from the start
Or are they always good and it’s the lens of life that changes
How does one define good or bad
It’s all in perspective is it not
But sometimes it is black and white
Does it rot like an apple
Or does it enhance like wine
Maybe it does depend on time
For time is the key in revealing hidden secrets
Where white starts to darken and black starts to fade
If that is true
Then let time slow… cause I’m not ready to change

Just do what you want then
...Well ya of course I will, it’s my life ain’t it?
Because I said so
...Why? You aren’t always right
Because it’s the right thing
...Who made these stupid f rules?
Because it’s normal
...To you.  You aren’t me
Because I raised you
...I am not your property
I’ll **** myself
...Trust me I’m way ahead of you :)

By
Lunar