History is a pendulum
swinging perilously
back and forth
over our shared humanity.

Slicing bitterly
at the air above me
with a visceral hatred
for all the good things
I hoped we could be.

Kinder to hater,
forgiving to denier
loving to crier
sharper it slices
cutting the air cleanly
leaving me feeling it keenly.

Wild rhetoric
going viral,
virus of ******* words
spreading like the plague,
a poisonous and bubonic phage.
I struggle to stop it,
this rising tide
of tired tirades,
republican charades
turning different skin shades
into the enemy.

These neighbors are our family,
but the pendulum sees them
separated by the serrated blade,
exhausted by the hate
and violence that blazes.

History returns to sicken
my sorrowfully stricken
heartbeat.

I fantasise of death everyday,
I pray to sleep and pass away eloquently.
I wish not to wake nor to cry,
I wish only for peace and the right to die.

I get tired of days as quick as they end,
I left my life along with some old friends.
I get a sinking feeling where my heart once lay,
I believe it's my soul telling me "It's okay".

"It's okay to hate life,
It's okay to want to die,
You just miss feeling the feeling of feeling alright".
"It's okay, but stay strong,
It's okay to move on,
But if you don't at least try then...".

i am trying
my hardest