why did you come back?

why did you write poems along my inner thighs and trail your fingertips along my spine as if i were your favorite book if you had no intentions of staying?

why fill my heart with liquid sunsets and my eyes with the most extraordinary constellations if you weren't going to stay awhile and admire the beauty of the affect you have on me?

why did you whisper "i love you", read my favorite poems, and cause flowers to grow deep within my rib cage?

why come back and make me feel as if everything was alright?
that this, this was our second chance and that you and i were the beginning of something beautiful

why strip me to the bone and see me at my most vulnerable when you were just going to rip the flowers from my rib cage to give to her?

why come back if it was her the entire time?

She said
you are enough. you are loved.
You are
So much of what you fear can
Never be.

She said
There are no mirrors I can
Hold up
For perception once skewed see all
mirrors spotted

Your eyes.
So fickle and short sighted
That you
Can’t see what lays before you
Or just beyond.

A blindness
To all that is beautiful.
You **** hope
Before it may give you
Another chance.

My heart being pressed,
my soul being crushed,
I am unable to breathe,
I am unable to stand,
what's happening to me!!!

Am I getting lost
or simply out of my mind?
what's rising within me?
a whirlwind of thoughts
or a whirlpool to drown me!!!

everything seems blue,
and i have no clue.
Can someone help me?
Can someone sort it out?
how to get these things out!!!

Don’t go chase
It.

Don’t force
It.

Wait for
It.

Water runs
In a river beautifully,
From a faucet,
Empty.

It streams down,
Like crystal life.

Leading to a desert,
Arid, dry.

There is no one
There,
Still.

Just the memory,
Of something
Not meant,
To be real.

Are you afraid
To be seen?
With me…
Taking a hand,
Leading somewhere
New.

If you take this one,
Please be true.

she had always said
her favorite color was yellow
for the girl with buttery skin and crystal eyes
it seemed rather fitting
yellow was the color of sunshine
and the color of her hair
after it had been bleached by summer
it was the color of the bumblebees
that drank from her favorite flowers
flowers that now
line her grave

she told you
her favorite color was yellow
because she knew you needed someone
radiant with light
to ease the depth
of your own darkness
so she said
when autumn arrived
you could watch the ground
become littered with yellow leaves
together

when you asked what color
lie beneath her skin
she told you it was yellow
she made herself believe
her body was freckled from stardust
and not from the amber glow
of cigarette burns
she still said
her favorite color was yellow
so she could continue being the light
in your colorless world

soon enough
your favorite color was yellow too
but not for the same reasons
she fell in love with it
you only saw yellow vaguely
in the form of teeth
stained from tobacco and too much coffee
smiling grimly through cracked lips
dripping poisoned honey
you guilded the word ¨love¨
with muted ochre lies

and now
she no longer feels the warmth
that once emanated
from her favorite color
she no longer tastes
the sweetness of butterscotch
and papaya on your lips
for you left her with nothing but
the sour residue of lemons and bile
as your gentle breath
extinguished her golden flames
and reduced her heart to ash

and now
she realizes that bumblebees
can also administer a piercing sting
and as she watches the sunset
with its amber hues
she no longer sees
the color yellow


x.

Everything is cold out here. Everything is white out here.
I can no longer feel my hands, I can no longer feel my eyes.

Everything is getting worse than I thought, everything is getting colder than I thought.

I can not feel my toes, I can not feel my arms, everything is falling apart from my body,

I'm not longer a human,
I'm not longer a human,

I am getting colder,

I'm not longer a human,
Just a breath, just a breath, just a breath.