I wanted to scream
Until I heard the
Whistling in my ear.
I wanted a song
To pair with the freight
Train crashing through
My heart.
I wanted to feel my
Bones shatter
At the impact.

But instead,
I implode
And my lips pull
Into a smile.
"Don’t worry,
I’ll be fine
In a while".

today,
i wore it again
and people complimented me
they say red is my color
and it suits me.

today,
it's too thick and dark
did i overapply
no, it's the right amount
just enough
to make them think
i'm fine.

today,
i look at myself
in the mirror,
and they're right
red shines on me,
so i applied
another layer,
and another
until my lips felt too thick,
but my eyes still see
the scars beneath it.

You can plant trees in a row
but they will always grow according to the light

I am alone.
With just some people I'm moving on.
Some talk less, some talk a lot.
I don't know if they are friends or not.

I am alone.
With some fears I'm moving on.
Some are scary, some are not.
I don't know if they are real or not.

I am alone.
With some deep wounds I'm moving on.
Some hurt more, some hurt less.
I don't know if they will heal or not

I am alone.
With a fake smile I'm moving on.
Sometimes looks good, sometimes not.
I don't know if it works or not.

I am alone.
With some burdens I'm moving on.
Some are huge, some are little.
I don't know if I will repay or not.

I am alone
With some secrets I'm moving on.
Some can save me, some can lead me to death.
I don't even know my remaining breaths.

Why did you have to come into my life
And destroy the self love that took me so long to create overtime
You could've just left me alone
Because now im sitting here wondering why it was so easy for you to let me go
Why did you wait so long to let me know?
That from the start your intentions weren’t profound
Why lead me on with words you didn't’ mean
And send them to every other ******* your screen
I wasn't as special to you as I once believed
Now I feel stupid as I weep
I was fine before I met you
So why make your way in just to make a mark and leave?
If you knew you didn't want me
Why play games and make it seem
Like I was the only girl you wanted to see

I think of you often
Do you think of me too?
You're probably just busy
I don't want to bother you.

I find myself reaching
For the friendship we had
But I'm left grasping at nothing
And this makes me sad.

Our talks lately are empty,
Shallow and subdued
I don't know what I've done
To make our friendship come unglued

I think of you often
Do you think of me too?
I just want to say
I'll always be here for you.

I kept chasing
you, as if
you were
a distant dream.
But dreams
are not always
dreams.
Sometimes, we have
nightmares too.

Well...first I'd probably pay off all my student loans

And with the rest of the $10, i don't know.....

Chipotle or taco bell maybe?