In English,
we’re learning about
Winston and Julia
in 1984, but
it’s 2017
all I want to study is
you.

I want to study less
about the
control and freedom
Big Brother has
and more about
the calculation of your
moves.

I want to study the way
your knuckles could be an
infant’s home, small
hands reaching out
longing for you
or the way the veins in
your arm makes abstract art,
beautiful enough to be showcased
in any gallery.

I understand now why they say
“as pretty as a painting.” Because
you’re as timeless and
breathtaking as
Mona Lisa.

And your blue iris's,
swirl with dark and light
tones with a slight
a golden glint,
I could stare into them for longer
than any
Starry Night.

Maybe,
I’m just better suited to an art class.
I want to learn the primaries
so I can swirl them all together and
get your dark brown hair.
I want to add the most expensive
white, so I can paint the
faint freckles on your nose and

I want to mix blue and red adding water
until the colour is a perfect match
for the faintest birthmark
on your shoulder.

Instead of the History of Russia,
I want to learn the History
of you.
I want to learn what makes you smile
and what makes you cry.

I want to study you,  
I use each brush stroke to
perfect your skin,
each pen writes down
notes until
I have a whole book
full of each heartbreak,
so I can learn a lesson
in you.

Would you love me more?
If I became an open book
Telling you everything from A - Z
Would you protect my secrets?
If I revealed them to you
Telling you everything from good - bad
Would you glue me back whole?
If I showed you how broken I am
Telling you where all the pieces fit
Would you drag me into the light?
If I told you I was in the dark
Telling you everything bout my demons
Would you heal my wounds?
If I showed you my scars
Telling you everything bout my battles
Would you still feel butterflies?
If I told you how scared I am
Telling you bout my insecurities

Would you still love me?

Hey
I went crazy when I first saw you
I was this young, dumb, weird-ish looking guy..
[Maybe a lil bit handsome]
I was completely mind blown by your insane beauty..
Soon, I felt I could actually fly
With so many butterflies
Right there beautiful, I felt ecstasy
You made me feel ecstatic
I love the way you laugh with your face
And when you try to dance funny
I love it when you say my name in a **** way & then giggle afterwards..
I love it when your eyes glow with so much grace
That enlightens everyone around you
I love that you're perfectly imperfect
I love every little thing bout you
I promise to try as hard as my heart can beat to make you the happiest woman all day, everyday...
Even when the days are grey
Lemme save some for the future date
I love you
So much my heart can't hold
[Goes down on one knee]
Would you do me this greatest honor
Will you......................??

I just wonder
Where the old dreams
Go to die?
Do they ether away
Into the cosmos?
Or they just
Lie down somewhere
Bubbling up as clouds
In the sky.
Or do they
Filter out as
Butterflies of my thoughts .
Are they chained too
To vicious cycle of
Death and rebirth ?
Transcending from one
Subconscious to another.
Amidst the storm of thoughts
Another conjures up
from the vast emptiness
with yet another trail
of beliefs and dis beliefs

I can only ever
appear unbroken
in front of
other people’s eyes.

Inside, all I see
is a tangled line
of confusion,
in a pile of
never ending depression.

What if life was played in fast forward?
Would you look more, out the window?
See the buildings, the missing trees?
The colors changed, painted in steel?
Focus on folds, beneath your cheeks?
Spend time with the once, called lonely?

What if life was played in reverse?
Would you redo things, differently?
Experience reality?
Change your lack of identity?
Free your mind of not feeling free?
Rethink responsibilities?

What if life was paused?
Would you be doing, what you are doing right now?
What is the first thing that comes to mind?
What about the colors on your brush?
Do you think that they are enough?
Are you still on the right track?

What if life had to be lonely?
Would you use your voice to speak?
Is there a reason to listen?
What rules would you want to create?
Would you understand heartbreak?
Would you bother to hit replay?

Either way we all reach the end.
But we write separate screenplays.
Decide our fate and how we blend.
And how we fast forward our days.

Hopefully we are not the same.
Get to use our voice and listen.
To lose ourselves would be a shame.
Or to move forward, not driven.

Remember, your life is in play.
And should not be thrown away.