It's like you're left with extreme paralyzing psychosis, or deja vu, or an epiphany that you greet with swinging fists and bouts of palpitating aggression that doesn't have any sense of direction.
It's like when you try unlocking the door to your house, but the locks have been replaced with new ones and there are people inside that you don't recognize but they're strewn across your expensive living room set that you bought when you were manic.
Then you realize that your home has replaced you. This always happens.
Maybe this is the plot twist to your life. You're the one that's haunted and your house is afraid of opening the door when you arrive.
See, perhaps it's tired of being inhabited but not being properly lived in.
You don't remember seeing an eviction notice but it feels exactly the same like the time he abandoned you during a thunderstorm.
Except it wasn't raining but your mind was already creating apparitions of puddles and floods.
You can't say goodbye to things, you can't let go. You claw and you scream but nothing ever comes back.
It's like missing the last train home. Like, forgetting about your birthday. It's like deleting a number knowing full well that you have it memorized but it's the thought that counts. right?

Leave him.
The bits that are my heart
Break into more
And now they're dust.

I'm on the verge
Of tears
Because I want to be the one
Who makes you happy.

I pretend I don't love you,
But I really do.
I pretend because I know
That you won't say it back.

She said "**** me harder I hate myself"
It took me 4 months to learn what it meant
When she cried in her sleep
I didn't try to hold her or anything
I just followed her outside at 4 in the morning
And sat with her while she smoked her cigarette
She told me I was like a ******* bug bite
The ones you get in the summer
She couldn't get rid of me
She knew I was there and had to deal with me
She wanted me to fix her
My god I ******* tried
We both reminded each other of our bad habits
She told me to stop biting my nails
I told her to stop  hating
Everything about herself

His smile
His eyes
His voice
His laugh
His warmth
His existence
His hair
His dimples.

You were supposed to be there, to guide me, and tell me what to do.
To yell at me for wearing your clothes and to get out of your room...
To teach me how to talk to boys, and do my hair. To take me shopping for  clothes that we both could share.
To cry at my wedding, because the little girl you always knew is all grown up, just like you.
But, now you see the stars up close and the world from a bird's point of view.
But, you know what I missed the most? Was never getting to...look up to you

I stand in the center of a balance beam,
Between what you want and think I need.
I am lost, still in search of me.
How can I save you?
Your honeyed words in my mind.
Sticky with the memory of your sickly, sweet lies.
You claim love but how can I find,
The truth behind these words, I have tried.
Do you know who I am?
Do you know that I'm lost, still in search of me?
How can I save you?
You smile your broken smile at me still as bright as the sun.
While your eyes tell a story of the hurt that's been done.
And I want to hug you until your smile becomes one,
And kiss your eyes until they see nothing but love.
But you don't know.
You don't know that I'm lost.
Still in search of me.
You don't know that I can't save you.

Your tears
Are glass
And you
Are a diamond