10 years of friendship.
4 were drowned and forgotten.
Found our way back
To shore in 2014.

Without much introduction,
We clicked and fit eachother like two pieces in a puzzle.
We both went through laughter and tears together.
Sad to know that these are the last tears that I will share with you.

You've always thought I was an idiot,
You weren't any different either.
But we contradict so much and it was never an issue for us.

Playful punches on my stomach,
I laugh off the pain as if it didn't hurt me as much as I thought.
I've insulted you so many times,
It's amazing you're still here.
But remember that behind every insult,
I always compliment you inside.

How great you are,
How incredible you are,
How strong you are,
How beautiful you are too.
I never agreed when you say you are ugly,
eventhough I said I agree, I don't.
You're beautiful, You've always been beautiful.

I find joy in making you smile,
I do it as much as I can because I'll never know when's the last time I'll live another day to see your stupid face.

I'm sorry that I have to leave like this,
It was never in my plan to just go.
You can be mad at me all you want,
No one can disturb you behind these white walls.

You can hit me all you want too,
I promise I won't feel the pain.
You can curse at me as much as your heart desires.
I'm deeply sorry for this.

I can't be there on your birthday and tell you how much work I've put in decorating Your birthday place.
Or how much my present for you costs.
I can't be there to complain of how late you are to our meetups.
Or tell you how stupid you look in that dress.

I can't be there on your wedding day to watch you walk down the aisle heading towards that lucky guy you finally found.
He might be shawn.
I can't be there to see that.
I can't be there to cry for you because I'd be so happy.

I can't crack jokes to you anymore or make puns that don't make sense.
I can't see your confused face when you don't understand me.
I can't be there to hear you say that you hate me..

So if you still see me breathing for my life someday,
Before they pull the plug.
I'd like to hear your last "I hate you"
Because I know that you actually mean
"I love you"

sometimes I want to die.
I want to die to see if anyone
would care
would remember me
for what I was,
what I did,
not for what they knew
about me,
I know my mother would,
but would you?