I am told to grow a
backbone -

thicken my skin.

I forget about the burns
on my wrists,

branded by childhood fears
that never fade.

But you took my hands
into yours, stared into my eyes

at the witching hour. 4am is
when the ropes start to

bind. Black dust that fills my
lungs, like tar,

my rib cage shakes when
you circle my heart with

your finger. I was warned not
to give in too easily,

that head over feet, that heat
fizzled out and left you cold.

I do not need to be strong,
when I am held in

your arms, soft and
safe wrapped in the blanket of

your kiss

Tears swell in the corners of my tired and weary sad eyes.
I am a pearl. Now trapped inside of an Oyster.
If I could find a way out, then the shell would open.
My beauty then shines and brings forth beauty's sighs.
Mistakes. I've made plenty.
I do walk a tight rope. I'm in the Circus.
I walk this "thin line" to "Prove my new act."
However, I sometimes become tipsy. I stagger over.
I find my balancing pole.
I stand tall and walk up and down a once impossible trail.
I have found my "Four Leaf Clover."
Learning from others whom I look up too.
Bright lights which shine.
The "Dr. Marian Luther King,jr.'s, the Kennedy's, and the Elton John's" in people's higher qualities is what gets me by.
I followed their lead and left the "big top."
I earned my ticket on board a train to Broadway.
Where drama, mistakes, and success make one a Hero or a Legend.
Instead of an outcast, a mistake that was made too many times, and also a lone Ranger. Who has  a bounty on his head so high that people seek him out to cash in his life. Rather than to watch him perform his "act."
I've cleaned the rough edges.
I wipe the tears from my tired eyes.
I take advantage of a well earned sleep.
This "actor," now on Broadway, dreams deep.
Planning his next story line on his typewriter.
For his once mysterious and unclear story, "of  his life," has now been best told on the stages of the Legends and Stories. Where they have  already been expressed upon them.
Long before a rocky end due to a man never "seeing the candle" that e was
"In the wind" as Elton sang so beautiful of Maryilyn Monroe.
He never was "blown to darkness and smoke." from clinging to his older "act."
He now shines brighter, still.
He is the Actor who earned his presence on the stages of history.
He has created another "Sold out show."

I stare into glass eyes with a saddening
lack of depth,
we are all contradictions to the idea
of a free spirit
how are we free without knowing
we are yet released from social borders
our natural state
man made

We inhale time
not smoke,
lines turn night
to day
stuck with the same kind of people
no room to grow
instead we bury ourselves
underground

collapsed.

They use fractals for the mountains
And then again for the trees

I think they might use calculus
For the waves upon the seas

Fibonacci works for sea shells
I heard also for the ear

Fibonacci knows the perfect rose
I submit to you my dear

Although not common in nature
If at all it's only a blip

But still incredibly fun for me and my son
When we made our Möbius strip

The most confusing math in nature
Used describing me and you

I learned in school, I know it's true
That one plus one, is two

But you and I together
It feels like we are one

And when you are away from me
The math it equals none

That loneliness deep in my soul
It's hurting my heart
Trying to take hold
I love the warmth
Please don't go cold
Stay young at heart
Please don't grow old
Keep your spark
Don't become jaded
Stay out of the dark
You're Illuminated

There is a point at which I want to sleep
When the ashes of yesterday’s fires still burn embers of memories
Clinging to my lungs as a thickening tar
I take the words that cover false sentiment
Using them as kindle to keep the fire alive
Allowing it to burn me, deconstruct my organs
Until I am nothing more than entertainment for you
Lifeless, worthless
A **** of jokes
A **** to stamp out and extinguish

I lay lost under a pile of incoming papers
Stacked news of inspirational stories that fail to resonate.
The words drip upon my face
And slip through my fingers
Yet the sentences wash away
With the confidence you drain from me
Until I know that I am only what you make me
An anecdote of anti-man cliché
A burden,
An unnecessary use of space

I am no longer here
For I can no longer look into your eyes
They are drained of the life you once pictured
And replaced with an alternative lifestyle to my own
How I cannot let you look into mine,
For I know they no longer shine for you
Like when I held an expectation of what I hoped love would be
And told myself that this was it

When I lied

When I lied to myself
And I lied to you

When I tried to be the person you wanted
And cut my limbs to shape your needs
Fitting for friends and family commentary
Because, simply because, I wanted someone to say I love you
Even if you didn’t mean it
I shouldn’t have lied
Wasting your life, for so long convincing myself, and the world that we were fine
That I am the problem, not you, not us

But it was always us that was the problem

When there was nothing left
After I lived so long nocturnally in the darkness
And learnt to walk blind
My eyes shined again
They shine brighter, like they have shone for the first time
I have finally been born to an understanding of love
And not even you can take that away
I place that light around me
Within the darkness of this home
Though it isn’t your light to share
And I fail to feel guilty for that
For it is the light that now makes me
I use its brightest beams to look at myself and say that;
Yes, I deserve more
And that you deserve more
And that we, deserve more than each other

Sometimes the only guilt I feel, is that I don’t feel guilty at all