"So what kind of guy are you into?"

*"The hypothetical kind... They're the only ones who don't leave a path of destruction in their wake."

I sit here,
loved,
But still lonely;
feeling broken,
but barely bent,
a good life,
but with a sad face.
And I know I'll be okay...
eventually,
but for right now I'm not,
and I need you to know that I'm trying

You've tasted the good parts of me and spit them out.
They were of no use anymore and
all you left me with was this black area that I tip-toe around.
I put on makeup, band aids, gauze and wrap,
but I'm always so careful not to touch it.
It makes me flinch with searing pain;
it would crumble my soul again with just a deep look in.
That soul I fought so **** hard to save,
but yet here I am:
staring
gazing
into the mirror all along the jagged edges of this hole.
I trace the mirror reflection of it with my fingers.
My angry fingers, bruised, red, cracked...
Fingers that would have never looked good in a ring from you.
Maybe just for tonight,
"Just for tonight." would be what an addict would say, I think with a laugh.
But maybe just for tonight, I'll dip in.
So I shut off my phone with sad, angry fingers
that would have never been beautiful.
I was beyond ready to be swallowed up.
Taking my ring finger,
the finger a ring would have lost shine to be on if someone had ever seen me that way,
and dip it in the liquid black abyss.

i'm gonna wade into the river tonight
feel the current sweep me off my feet
the water will tell me how i should see
i won't even try, won't put up a fight
because i can't keep you to me any other way
you're gone before my eyes
and my legs are already beginning to sway
but please tell me before i go any deeper
if you were here would you try and stop me?
and because it's the right thing to do
or because i was all you could see
it's cold and my hands are all twisted
but i can't even think of me
just where i want to be

jagged breathing
because it hurts
watch you all feeding
the blood coming out in squirts
in, out, in, out, clutch my sides
a hole that takes up my whole torso
the raw edges burning in need
look closely, you can see my heart slow
i've soaked my clothes with the bleed
in, out, in, out, clutch my sides
dear god, my ribs are pulling apart
i can't breathe, i can't ******* breathe
my lungs, oh my god, my heart
i'm beginning to seethe
in, out, in, out, clutch my sides
i'm holding my sides together
my precious arms keeping me whole
i'm becoming light as a feather
but i can't hold together my soul
in, out, in, out, clutch my sides
please, i just need to be held
my arms are tired, keep me one
please, i just want to be quelled
i've really become undone
in, out, in, out, clutch my sides
people are the brightest when in love
i just want to be in love
that's where i want to be when push comes to shove
why can't you just love me?
in, out, in, out, clutch my sides
this hole won't seem to go away
it consumes me all day, every day
hold me, i'm beginning to sway
"love me." is all i have to say