A 'friend' once said,
"Never take anything a guy says to heart. We lie. We break hearts. We take advantage of good people."
I didn't understand at first.
Over the next months, I realised that he had become the manifestation of his own words.

remember your hands, remember them like this, twirling cigarettes like ballerinas (you were four, and your mother said you looked beautiful up there). twist my fingers with your pretty hands, darling i'll thank you in the morning, gravel in my dead heart, littering rose petals at your wake you took my tongue and made it something sickening.

eat me raw, please, please, i need something to do with my fingertips, with the small of my back you bruise so much prettier than i do close your fingers around my throat i like the way you leave marks. i'm a disease and you're the closest i can come to something worth dying for.

call me beautiful, praise my hips and dig your pretty teeth into my spine. my skin is too big for my body but i'll wear it for you anyway i'll try to be pretty for you anyway your laughter lines are a geometry problem let me solve you, let me fold your smiles into me i promise i won't disappoint you.

"have you ever been in love", and "i love you i love you i love you", and "we're sorry, you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service", and oh my god i love you but not in the way i'm supposed to, is it still love if i want you to carve your initials into the arch of my spine?

i'm disgusting and you're disgusting, claw your way into my stomach, hold my bleeding organs in your hands and smile at me (i know this is true love, isn't that how predators look at prey, god i want you to kiss me with your canines, god i want you to break the flesh, god i, god), i'm ******* immortal i can't die i'm prometheus chained to a rock and i can feel the sun drying my lips give me water, give me blood i don't care anymore--

and, loving you is like loving a forest fire (god, this is just like those old mixtapes you made for me, the ones with "this is for you", and "i love you i love you i love you", and "we're sorry, you have reached a number--", and god, i, god, eat me raw, and, oh god, oh god, i can't wait to eat you raw, babe, i wonder how you taste, i wonder if i'll taste you on my tongue three days after, oh god, oh god, eat me raw).

50%* Love
                  40% Pain
                                 4% Jealousy

                              3% Hate

                          2% What The Actual ****?

                       1% Rhymes

                100% REAL

Sometimes

Your ability is your curse.
You're asked to do things
But not on your terms
But you're loathed for helping them out

Sometimes

You see fools, dumb-heads
But you're not allowed to call them so
Yes, ignoring is the best way out
But what if when they're all over and intruding?

Sometimes

Hell ya.

Sometimes

My mother raised me well
And I try to remain like that
But sometimes it's impossible
When you act like such a ****

How do we slowly die again and again and again?
How do we seperate from ourselves repeatedly?
Why do my tears never feel new?
They're the same every week, every few days.
Maybe my love isn't enough.
Maybe my motives are lost.
Maybe I'm letting go.
Maybe my thoughs are wandering to parts they dont belong.
When have my intentions ever been wrong?
Why do I feel so sad about us?

your words wash over me,like crashing waves upon rocky shores
constantly haunting me night after night...
what is it that you want ?

I don’t need you in my head                             c.7.8.14 J.Ray
I don’t want you in my bed
I don’t need your indifference
I don’t need your deliverance
You should just kick me in the *****
You left me here to watch four walls
Take your demons to someone new
I tried to walk through fire with you
Upon my castle you cast your crown
You came in once, you tore it down
I don’t need your pity or your shame
Find someone else to play your game
You are in my head and in my heart
When you are here,you tear it apart
You cast me aside, just like yesterday’s news
Did you really think that you were my muse?
So find some confetti and throw it in the air
You will never again have to see my derriere