the number of pillows in my bed
is the number of worries in my head
i have also a pillow
that never leaves my bed
tucked beside my heart
reserved for you

so i'm patiently waiting
for a single notification
a sign of a chance
that it's not over yet
i can't divert my glance
i'm afraid that i'll lose this bet
it's getting to my head
and i know i might be wrong
but one misstep and then i'm gone
maybe my mistake was at the start
all the million other parts
of the puzzle i need to solve
god i feel like i'll dissolve
it's confusing and exciting
finally i'm struck by lightning

gather round, as it is the season of stress:
as it nears may and june and
corners the wisps of summer that sting the air.
the scent of freedom and flights,
so close yet never close enough.

gather round, and watch as the silken spring leaves
(or, the strands of your hair)
turn inch by inch into summer screams of green
(or, the jealously burning inside you--
when you see someone smarter
see their right answer
see their paper; green and ticked and better.)

gather round, for it is almost over.

and you have worked hard- you have
(or, you have tried to)
and often that is enough.

the season of stress will fade soon,
but summer?
summer will always come.
summer sings in sun-kissed skin and lazy leaves
and blithe birds and timely trees;

gather round, to hear summer's sound.

If I hacked my braids off
would my inhibitions go with it?

I pace back and forth
I beg to get support
I'm screaming, watery eyes.
They assure, "It's alright, child. Smile."

I climb the Mount Everest
Apathy is all there ever is.
I shout "We're running out of time!"
They sing, "Don't worry, child. Smile!"

Policies have wreaked havoc
But 'I don't know what I'm talking about.'
People getting killed in front of my eyes.
But okay yes I'm a child I should smile.

From your smiles what did you gain?
That from justice I have to abstain?
You place your hand on my shoulder.
STOP. I don't want to hear those words again.

The world is on fire behind me now.
But never mind, look at me now.
They are crying, they are dying.
But never mind, I'm smiling.

At the end of the day,
when I lay in your arms

I feel all worries fade away,
When I feel your warmth

Asked you to stay,
Be by my side

I have no other way,
to survive the dark emtpy night.

i blow the smoke out

along with my worries for the night

i feel my eyes get heavy

i feel my body getting light

see my veins protruding under my skin

hear my heart pounding aggressively within

my stomach yearns for hot food

the music puts me in a good mood

i feel a roller coaster in my head

before i know it I'm in bed

I pace back and forth
I beg to get support
I'm screaming, watery eyes.
They assure, "It's alright, child. Smile."

I climb the Mount Everest
Apathy is all there ever is.
I shout "We're running out of time!"
They sing, "Don't worry, child. Smile!"

Policies have wreaked havoc
But 'I don't know what I'm talking about.'
People getting killed in front of my eyes.
But okay yes I'm a child I should smile.

From your smiles what did you gain?
That from justice I have to abstain?
You place your hand on my shoulder.
STOP. I don't want to hear those words again.

The world is on fire behind me now.
But never mind, look at me now.
They are crying, they are dying.
But never mind, I'm smiling.