Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
grace Jun 2015
There’s a particular provocativeness
In dark purple under the eyes
In mascara and eyeliner caked under fingernails
In wrinkles between the brows
In opaque smiles

There’s a mysterious longing
In hands through hair
In lips chapped and the color of wilting roses
In fluttering lavender eyelids
In unconsciousness in the air

Nothing about this is beautiful
Your up-until-6am staring in the dark
Your scrapes and scratches
Your calloused fingertips
Your boney spine

Nothing about this is beautiful
Your frantic, wild talks about how you don’t know yourself
Your desperateness to understand your mind

Sitting sobbing sadness in the shower
Bruised knees pressed into your eye sockets
Hugging your folded legs
Feeling the hot water drain with your emotions

There’s a particular provocativeness
In being so ****** up that you know you’re unloveable
You’re an interesting specimen,
But this kind of life is not beautiful
romantic
you do not want this.
always anxious Jun 2015
I'm sitting in my bed
Listening to depressing music.
Just like i do every night.
I'm writing the same poem, over and over again.
It's about suicide.
The sweet thought about being dead.

But i've been trying so hard, for so long.
And no one seems to really care about me.
When i talk i am often just ignored.
I'm teased for being different, and when i tell my teachers that i don't feel too well mentally, they're like "oooh you're just so sensitive"

And i just can't take that **** anymore..
Everyone thinks it's so easy to be me, cause i always seem so happy.
But i have a hard time even faking it anymore..

I've tried way too hard, for way too long, to make people like me.
But i'm giving up..
Hailey Renay Jun 2015
If there’s one thing I’ve learned
In my 18 years of drowning
It’s that we all do.
We’re all stuck in a glass tube,
Water trickling in,
Surrounding us.
Creeping closer with every breath taken.
Inhale, exhale.
For some of us, it’s a waterfall,
For others a mere leaky faucet.
But no matter the speed of the water,
We all face the risk of drowning,
Some quicker than others.
And lately,
I don’t quite feel like treading water anymore.
Hailey Renay Jun 2015
I often get the question 'Who hurt you so badly that you started to hate yourself?' And the answer is no one.

There was no one to hurt me because there was never anyone there.

There was no one there when I was 10 years old and my dad pulled hair out of my mom's scalp,
Or when I was 13 and he choked her in front of me.
There was no one there when I was 13 and I made my first cut,  not know it would be followed by thousands more.
There was no one there at year 16, at 3 am when I had a stomach full of pills wishing I was dead
Or two months ago,  when I was 17 and sexually assaulted and all I wanted was my best friend.
But she was done being the friend of the difficult girl.
And no one was here tonight,  at age 18, when my thighs turned into red, sticky rivers.
No one will be here tomorrow,  or at age 19
Or 23
46
Or 92.
It will always just be me.
Abby Nichole May 2015
Did you hear the that goes
“Everytime I try to make a **** joke,
It just comes out a little too…
Forced.”

Did you hear the one about
The girl who had to pull her
Best friend
Drunk, crying, and vomiting,
From her best friend’s car?

They’re both pretty funny,
Aren’t they?

It’s hilarious that
A 15 year old girl
Sits in a clinic,
Waiting to see
If she is pregnant
Or if maybe she has
An STD.
She feels ***** and
Ashamed,
Feeling like it’s her fault
Because that’s what
Society tells her-
It’s her fault because
Of what she was wearing.

It’s even more funny that
She sits there alone,
Because she’s too
Ashamed to ask for help.

It’s hilarious that a
Little boy,
With tears streaming down his face,
Thinks that what she did to him
Wasn’t ****,
Because society tells him
That real men can’t be *****,
He should’ve liked it,
That he’s lucky because
She was good looking.

It’s hilarious that when you make **** jokes,
You’re almost as bad as the ******.

You’re normalizing his actions,
Making him feel proud,
And that what he did
Is just a process of life,
That what he did is normal.

So instead of asking me why I don’t find **** jokes funny,
Let me ask you
Why you do.
I read this at the gala too wow my words in people's minds yay
XxX Sep 2015
I'm not afraid to **** myself
What I'm scared of is what happens if it doesn't work out
But I'm doing this and hoping it works.

Mom, I'm sorry I couldn't be everything you wanted out of a daughter. You probably wanted a smart, pretty and elegant daughter and you were delivered this sack of ****. I'm sorry that you'll have to clean up my one last mess. I'm sorry that you'll never understand. I'm sorry I could never 'try' as much as you'd like. I love you always, and forever.

Dad, with you I'm always at a loss for words. You and I have a special bond and when I think of you I think of my likes and interests. My music is heavily influenced by you. Thanking you for showing me what good music is. Thank you, I love you. Sorry.

Bryan, My step dad. You have been here to watch me grow up for the past 5 years and thats cool, I'm sorry it wasnt as what you must have expected. I'm sorry. Please take good care of mom and River. I love you

Diana, My step mom. You are literally mommy number 2. I've known you for 10 years. You have guided me into adult hood. You all did great. I love you.

Please don't think this was any of your faults. You will do great with R and K, you did great with me. This is just a flaw within myself. No amount of medication and counselling could fix this. I past the point of help. After 7 years there scars are too deep to reverse.

My aunt and godmother. You helped me out so much. I love you and I'm sorry you saved all this money for college for me to go throw it away with a few too many pills.

To everyone, I'm sorry. You'll have to go to my funeral, you will feel obligated. But don't go unless you actually cared. I know I won't physically be there but I want to know who would've been there.

Anyways, I'm sorry. This time it will work.
this is majorly triggering for some people but i just need to publish this i guess, a way to release this. It obviously didn't work considering I'm typing this.
Sara Jones May 2015
And in that moment

Of tainted bliss

All I wanted

Was a blade

Across my wrist
Page 4 of Trouble: Pages of a Teenage Mind
Next page