The manic pixie dream girl wouldn't fall for you
So you fell for the poisonous girl in the red dress instead,
Thinking they were the same.
And they're quite similar, really, all mad and free.
But the difference between pixie dream girl and me
Is that she is sweet.
She'll do what she wants: She might love you, she might leave you.
Gently. Softly.
I am not so sweet, not so gentle, not so soft.
I will leave you, I won't love you, and you will come crawling back.
I want you to love me until you cry
And I want you to cry for me like a dying man for breath,
A starving man for a meal,
A soaked man for the sun,
And a deserted man for rain and
Even then
I'll leave you again, crawling through the sand.
All that, just because I can.

my bed sits, empty as my pocket
bearing nothing more than your old promises
collecting dust, waiting to be heard again
by someone willing to listen.
it breaks me down, every time
I feel you near me
haunting my empty bed
with your sharp teeth.
my body knows your words
can still cut me at my throat
so I wait
patiently, for your blade
to appear beside me
without your hand to hold it.

a man ruins my childhood
a man ruins our sisterhood
a man ruins her motherhood
we crave their love but
we never loved ourselves

i've invited her to
a dark place which
is called my mind and
she stayed with me

i've taken her to
a rushing river which
is called my tears and
she swam in deep

i've walked her through
an eggshells path which
is called my traumas and
she held me tight

i don't even feel like
i need to make her stay
cause she will

i don't hate you
i fear you
and you make me stay by
teaching me that
to love is to fear and
to fear is to love

I had to let you go,
you, who had reminded me how to love
you, who had made me feel things for the first time in a long time
you, whose presence had made me see colours again.

I had to let you go,
you, for whom I would wake up early in the morning
you, for whom I would put a mask on
you, for whom I would run an extra mile in somebody else's perfect body

But I had to let you go,
because despite everything, I would still be at fault
because despite everything, I would always  have to keep trying
because despite everything, I would never be enough

So I had to let you go,
because how could I ever be enough?
when you went for the skies, I went for the oceans
when you went for the calm, I went for the storms
when you went for the sunshine, I went for the shadow

So I had to let you go,
while I still remember how to breathe
while I still smell the flowers
while I still have myself

So I let you go,
someone, to whom I made a promise not to leave
someone, to whom I vowed to never intentionally hurt
someone, with whom I thought I would spend the rest of my days

but then you grabbed my hands,
looked at me with disbelief,
with tears flooding your eyes, you whispered,

"how could you?"